Howdy!, and thanks again for popping in. I’m still having a few technical issues with the site, as in I haven’t had time to address them, but before I go to far, I want to give a little feedback to one of my readers up in Dover, Delaware. His name is Ted, and he thinks that the blog should be renamed ” All Over The Place “. I appreciate the suggestion, but I believe that the current title will suffice, and I will admit that his suggestion at times may be on point☺️☺️. Ok, so here we go. This past week there was another shooting in the news at a university, involving football players. Some how describing it as a sense less tragedy just seems so insufficient. I have dealt with gun violence and mental health issues here before through several posts. I’m not going to rehash it, after all that is the medias job, and I’m sure that they will beat it to death from every angle possible. I was recently once again challenged in my thought process about us describing these tragedies as sense less, because while looking at it from the outside it makes completely no sense what so ever. The one person who does not think of it as sense less , is the person conducting and carrying out the destruction of lives. Now! , hold up, I’m not on any level condoning their actions, I’m just saying, that to them, for some reason, it seemed as a viable course of action. I don’t know and I’m not going to speculate about state of mind, but clearly some level of frustration existed for such an extreme course of action to be taken. I have also on a few occasions spoken about road rage, and yes its a thing, and from time to time escalated to violence. Sometimes it is appropriate to characterize our society as the wild wild west. We are all so busy and running from one thing to the next, and along the way we have lost the concept of common courtesy or decency ,or having the ability to think of others ahead of ourselves. In this doggy dog world, I don’t believe that it is a misrepresentation, to state that we are a much more selfish culture. A word that has a lot of play in our culture these days is respect. Everyone wants to be respected, but very little consideration is given to respecting others. I think that the media has a part to play here, not necessarily the news media, but the things that we let enter into our minds, be it movies, podcasts, books that we read, and perhaps video games, but certainly not limited to these few. We watch movies and shows where women make Stallone and Schwarzenegger , look like a couple of pansies. It would be just great to admit that Laura Croft is easier on the eyes and , beats out the Rock’s muscles ☺️☺️. And yes ,they are now allowed in combat zones on the front lines, right along side men, again I understand the equality thing, but something was clearly loss in that exchange. War by all means is horrible and I can’t understand what any woman would feel that she needed to prove her worth in that arena, but I digress. I think the one thing that I’m dancing around is state of mind. Whether I’m talking about a shooting that may have only made sense to one person, or a small group of people, road rage, or a thousand other things that has allowed us to loose our sensitivity towards others. What could possibly be the state of mind for someone to believe that a gun and killing someone, while forfeiting the rest of their own life, in the process, is the best suitable course of action on any given day. I will tell you that I have personally had one of those mind altering poor choice decision making days, and it has filled me with regret and a ton of what if scenarios, to say nothing about how it changed the trajectory of my life. I can’t honestly tell you what I was thinking at the time other than I was fed up, pissed off, and I have always had a low tolerance for stupidity, whether it be mine or someone’s else’s. I would love to know what triggers that in us and pushes us to a boiling point, breaking point, or however you wish describe it ,when our actions overrun our ability to think clearly or to see past that one single solitary moment in time. Frustrations in life are real and what I sometimes refer to as a clear and present danger. We don’t always think or see things clearly or in there proper perspective and it sometimes encourages us to make dangerous decisions, such as getting in a heated discussion with a police officer late at night during a routine traffic stop, not a wise choice. The fact remains that at any given time, we never know what someone else is walking through. Again life presents us with highs and lows and often without any advanced warning, so they just hit us out of nowhere. I’m going to switch gears here, and perhaps give you a little taste as to what Ted was talking about when he said all over the place. When I originally approached this post with “Tread Lightly “, it was do to me running into an old love interest. We currently don’t live that far apart from one another, but we don’t travel in the same circles, but it was a random chance thing. We were both pulling out of the parking lot and almost ran into each other. If you have been keeping your dance card up to date, then this one is Ms. H, aka, The Ditto Queen. We visited for about twenty minutes in the parking lot, and she was heading to a wedding reception or something like that. There are a great many things about this woman that has the potential to knock your socks off. Every since the mother of my kids and I went our separate ways, my perspective has been simple, find that one special person to finish the dance with. I think that all of the ladies I have dated have had the potential to fill the bill, except one. Don’t get it twisted, if you have something that works for you, such as having a type, then that should be seen as you just knowing what works for you, and we all have our preferences. So, if you ever get the bright idea to try something different, then just know that sometimes different just means different, and not necessarily better ☺️☺️. That being said, there have been three strong contenders. There have been various reasons for my failure to nail down the “One”. I will confess that I have dropped the ball and a time of not just being the best me. This brings me back to the Ditto Queen. I don’t know if this is a good thing or not, but knock wood, I have never gone backwards to a lady or a job .I think the only one that I would truly consider is the mother of my kids, and that would simply be because of the kids and grandkids, and how it would make birthdays and holidays flow a little smoother, however I could see hell freezing over first☺️☺️. Back to Treading Lightly, I recently had a birthday of my own and I received a very nice and thought provoking card from the Ditto Queen. The irony here is that the brief two years that we spent together, she never really found her voice and was able to express her emotions clearly. Now!, somehow seven years later she has found her stride and gotten quite expressive. I am treading lightly because she believes that we are in a better place and should try and pick up the pieces again. I’m treading Lightly here because of my own recent heart pain, and I’m aware of the hemorrhaging one’s heart can experience when two are not in the same place at the same time. The difficult truth for me is that the only conceivable way for me to journey backwards to her is if life came with guarantees, and we all know that is just not a thing. We had a shot and we blew it, I will say we blew it, because it always takes two. She was impatient with me, and I doubt that she ever fully trusted me or the patience thing would have not been an issue. As for my part, I want to say that I have been a little unforgiving, and I’m not sure that is totally accurate. I just don’t have the willingness to give someone another opportunity at crushing my heart, when they did such a bang up job the first time around. It’s kind of like an assassination attempt, , do you really want to keep letting them try until they get it right?☺️☺️. I don’t think so! She is quite the catch, but I’m not fishing in that pond any longer. I will give her credit for always being open to the possibility and there has been a little pursuit on her part. It has been a little like hide and seek, she has been seeking me out and I’ve been doing a great job of hiding until that morning in the parking lot. She has apologized for her quick knee jerk reaction , it was nice to hear, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s just , to little, to late. I want to be super sensitive here, because she has confessed to the shedding of some tears over the missed opportunity, but I have no idea of how it could ever work. She speaks of us being friends and hanging out together, but I know that is not what she really wants, it’s just an opportunity to get her foot in the door , and she posses a certain swagger about herself that has a magnetic pull. I have never mastered the ability to do or be casual with someone , who was once so much more in my life. I understand her baggage with the impatience thing. She spent many years married to an alcoholic and she always had everything on her shoulders, and she was just dying to be with someone who didn’t come with a major drinking habit, and could be a viable partner in life. I believe it to be true that God loads a lot in to small packages and this is clearly not the time to underestimate her based on her stature. I don’t believe that either of us are the same people that we were seven years ago. We have both grown spiritually and hers has been leaps and bounds. I can’t and won’t take credit for that , but I some how feel super proud of her ,that she finally connected all of the dots. They say that there is usually a reason or two ,why your ex is your ex. When I look back, she was probably the least damaged of the people that I’ve dated. We are both born under the same astrological sign , in fact our birthdays are less than a week apart, so the things that I know to be true of myself are also true of her. She is not built for anything casual or lacking of a commitment anymore than I am. On the surface, we want very similar things, but I can’t but help feel as if our window of opportunity has closed. She feels since we have familiarity and a history together that we could just hit the ground running, and those are the very same things that points back towards failure for me. Have the circumstances changed? , absolutely, but we are still who we are, absolutely! The birthday card was sweet and full of possibilities, but I’m going to have to go with, I appreciate the offer, but no thank you. She has laid her cards on the table , and for her its as simple as we move forward together, or move away, as in having nothing to do with one another, and because of the way we are built and wired, that will probably be a sad reality. I will Tread Lightly, because I know the pain of rejection, when two people want two different things and choose two different paths. Again !, I’m not very good with the whole wrapping it up nice and neat with the bow thing, but on some level I understand people’s frustrations with certain situations and life events, but not to the point of gun violence and taking the lives of innocent people. Again it goes to frame of mind. If you are one of those extreme individuals who believes that if you can’t have someone, then, no one else should be able to have them either , then your thought process is severely damaged and distorted. It is good to have passion in your life but it can’t be misguided or harmful to others. We may never know all the attributes and makings of a jealous rage, that pushes one to their limits. Its even harder, at least for me especially when we compare ourselves to others, be it their success in life, and it can be a little grotesque at times when it comes to mattes of the heart. I don’t want to be the one, trying to draw a correlation between a devastating shooting and a missed opportunity in a relationship, however the thought process of us treading lighter, when we are dealing with others in heated exchanges which are often fueled by emotions, could be a very wise and thoughtful choice. If not treading lighter, then possibly gentler, or something that will increase our sensitivity to others around us, who just may be in need of a little extra grace.
