- Not The Only One !
- Post #156
- 10 Oct 24
- ” The Sins Of The Fathers “
- Howdy!,
- Welcome once more. I sometimes think to myself that if I could put down on paper all that flows through my head, it would be a wild ride. Let’s just see how I do with this one☺️☺️. I’m going to start in the old testament, but don’t let that one scare you off. It’s just a reference and it’s not where we are going to spend the majority of our time, so if you check out early, you might miss something good☺️☺️. God started out with saying that the Sins of the parents would fall on the children. As if that wasn’t bad enough , generations of the third and forth generations would also be affected with the consequences of the infractions, ok sins ☺️☺️. It sounds really harsh and unfair, just like taking that whipping for the broken lamp, which should have really been credited to your brother ☺️☺️. No matter!. I don’t know if that was God being harsh or just the reality of things as we see the consequences being played out from one generation to the next with horrible family traditions that absolutely aren’t celebrated and a cycle that often desperately needs to be broken.
- I’m not going to call it a relent as much as maybe a clearer understanding when God said that each person would be responsible for their own sins. We kind of live in a time when personal accountability is not very high on the old totem pole. There is nothing like a good fall guy and we would like for that to be anyone but ourselves ☺️☺️
- Still life is often unfair full with all kinds of injustices. Probably the best representation of children being responsible for the Sins of their fathers is how we view slavery in this country. We believe and think that people who have never owned slaves should be treated as if they had. We some how believe that they should be held accountable for ancestors whom they may have never known if they had purchased people or not ☺️☺️. Come on! , you have got to see the humor in that one☺️☺️. Just incase you did know how you were connected to them, we are going to do our absolute best to strip away anything and everything that might be considered as heritage. We seek to forget the past that we should be remembering , because it diminishes our humanity just a bit.. Let’s just pull down every monument and banish every name that is on anything public because they owned slaves. If I recall correctly the slave trade was a huge success because dark skin people sold other dark skin people into bondage, but we aren’t here for any of that today. ☺️☺️
- Life is often just full of irony, which we don’t always get or appreciate until somewhere in hind sight. However if you are a little bit on the slow side like myself, then we really don’t get it until we experience it from both sides of the story.☺️ I will often state how I believe that the best military officers are the one’s who were enlisted first. It just gives them a different view point that most can never truly understand. That is just an observation and just an opinion ☺️. It’s the same coin, it’s just the acknowledgement that it has two sides.☺️☺️.
- They say that the best way to kill a first date is to talk about your ex ☺️☺️. I sincerely hope that this is not your first time with me, because I’m going to talk about my ex and just for extra credit a little bit of my personal darkness.☺️☺️ So I was married to my kids mom for almost twenty years. It wasn’t all bad or all good which I think is pretty standard. She isn’t and wasn’t a horrible person, but sometimes we do things that affects our thinking about people and the same is true of myself☺️. It takes two to make it work and it takes two to make it look like, we are just scratching our heads and thinking, what the heck was God thinking with this two becoming one☺️☺️. I’m not going to spend time throwing her under the bus and talking about what a terrible person she was or became. I was no picnic myself, and I will always have love for her in my heart, just because of the two beautiful human beings that she brought into the world for me. Our story was not one of infidelity or abuse, but of stupidity. We just lost focus of what was important and then we both got really selfish.
- When basic needs are not met in a relationship, it normally spells doom and it did for us. When I say basic needs , I’m talking about a man’s need for respect and the woman’s need for love. Again, when we some how get those things out of order or somehow twisted, it’s amazing as to how quickly things can become toxic and dysfunctional. Again the thing that absolutely makes my head explode is how can you love someone so much and then turn around and be so unloving. I will just let you fill in the blanks as to what that looks like and plays out. In all honesty we were just the typical family of four , until we weren’t. ☺️☺️. We had our ups and downs like most, a home full of love and laughter, but in the end it got bad and ugly and it deteriorated quickly. Instead of us being a loving couple, we much more resembled gladiators who were out to do their worst. I have often said that I would just rather receive a butt whipping and get it over with and heal whatever physical wounds that were the result of that, but we were so much more cruel, where we left one another looking fine on the outside, but all kinds of wounds and scars on the inside. I can only speak for me, but I’m pretty sure that it was a shared experience, because God wasn’t joking when He said that the two become one🥲🥲.
- I sometimes wonder what things would look like if we worked as hard at loving , as we do at tearing one another down?. We left chars in one another’s hearts, just hemorrhaging , with so many decimated pieces , that could never be put back to their original design. 🥲So much shaken confidence in yourself and in other’s and so many questions of if they ever truly loved you in the first place? Probably the biggest question to be answered, was not if you could ever trust again and allow someone else to get close to the shattered remains of your heart, but could you ever trust yourself again? Ahh!!, that’s the really big question 🤔. Sometimes we encounter a cancer in life and it’s not the usual thing that we think of when we say cancer. It’s something deep within us that will shape us for the rest of our lives and have an impact on every significant relationship that you will ever have in your life. Hear what I’m saying, it’s not just romantic relationships, but significant relationships, to include your children and grandchildren, work associates, extended family and close friends. You might as well just walk around with a huge scarlet Letter pent to your chest, and it would still be a big “A”, and it would stand for ashamed and severely and deeply broken.
- The cancer is a gift that just keeps on giving and just about when think that you are drawing up enough courage to move forward, you discover this thing known as triggers. I hurt and ached so bad that I was willing to do just about anything to avoid the pain. In typical male fashion I chose to compartmentalize and bury it in a deep and dark hole. There is a time laps and it’s different for everyone, because it truly is a grieving process. I’m kind of relational, so I jumped back in the pool. If you have ever been out of the pool for a significant amount of time, you discover that the pool has changed with a lot of new rules. I’m not real sure, but I think this is where we get that saying about a fish out of water☺️☺️. Sure did feel that way.
- Ok, let’s just hit the fast forward button. I meet this incredible woman on something that was known as online dating ☺️☺️, crazy concept, but it’s a thing ☺️. So I meet this gorgeous woman, very much the package, smart , funny, successful, great family, you name it and it’s included in the options ☺️☺️. She was affectionate and that was something that had been missing from my life for a some time . As you go along and start to feel pretty good about getting back on the horse, you discover that this amazing person also has brokenness and scars that are hidden beneath the surface. There is this realization that triggers are a real thing☺️. Anytime that I saw anything, and it could be the slightest thing that reminded me of her predecessor, it would immediately transport me back to a place that I didn’t want to revisit or do over. She was remarkable and I was an idiot and I treated her horribly as she was paying for the Sins of another; the one who had gone before.
- As I said before, life is just full of irony, so the experience wouldn’t be complete until I get to view it from the other side 😀 😊. My dating history can be a bad case of who’s line is it?☺️☺️. I meet another talented woman again impressive credentials and it’s like I was looking at myself in a mirror from another time and space. Maybe the most broken person that I have ever met in my life. So much trauma!, and yes please ask the question as to what is wrong with me and my selection process ☺️☺️. I think that my empathy draws me to broken people, but at the same time, we are just all broken, so it’s not like there isn’t plenty to choose from ☺️. I guess I just wish that we came with labels or some kind of warning with what our brokenness is , and to what degree, but what would be the fun it that☺️?☺️. I mean how disappointing would it be to go to the doctor and get a shot and it just didn’t hurt….what would be the fun in that?☺️☺️ . The label would or should say handle with care.
- I think the reason that some of us work so much is because we want to be good at something, feel confident , and the not so good areas of our lives fade into the background. I think that most of us think that we are good at relationships when our history just tells another story☺️. I think this person of interest just takes the cake, because she just wore it all on her sleeves. There is something known as a hoopty and it refers to a war tattered automobile that has seen better days and is just getting by. I think that it describes a lot of us, myself included. This is going to sound absolutely horrible, but sometimes when we would be sitting alone , I would just stare at her and think this is what it must feels like to be an abused animal, a cat or dog, but really any animal not to know if You could trust if you weren’t about to have the rug pulled out from under you. Always seeking love , but constantly moving away from that very love and questioning the legitimacy of that love. The constant feeling undeserving of love. The snipping at the hand that just wants to pet you.
- As I looked at her, I couldn’t help but wonder how many times someone had looked upon my face and had seen despair. Maybe the decades of bad history and decisions. Broken and lost relationships, always in control and never wanting to take responsibility, all to often playing the victim of abuse at the hands of others. It started with a less than adequate father and just like the other cancer , impacted every significant relationship in her life. There had been a trading of places and now I was the one paying for the Sins of the one’s who had gone before me😚😚. I want to say that it’s not her fault any more than it was when the shoe was on the other foot, but that’s not exactly true.
- Again we share a common bond beyond the brokenness and that is that we hadn’t taken the time to heal. The emotionally available card which just gets thrown around everywhere is a real thing….who knew?☺️☺️. When we get right down to it, it’s about not wanting our brokenness to be seen. In this instance, it was almost a magic act of some sort as this extremely insecure and fragile person hid behind this fortress of strength and perseverance, but was actually just a very little scared girl still desperately seeking the approval that she never received from her father . You exchange words and people say things. It’s a little bit like being blind sided, because you never knew that they never knew or understood the words that they were saying. I think something flashed across my mind about the sweet lips and words of a seductress woman. It just makes it hard to believe in people and to trust them 😪.
- The lesson here is, well at least for me was to make sure that you take the time to heal, do the work, and to gain perspective as to the asphalt that you have already traveled. I usually look back and it takes me a moment or two to find the gratitude in the sometimes storms of life . They are often painful and I wrestle with why I can’t learn these valuable lessons minus the pain, but the pain brings with it the reminder to not forget. It’s not about not forgiving, but not to shrug it off as If it’s an everyday occurrence, well I hope not anyway ☺️☺️.
- Ok, the focal point of the story. Hurt people, hurt other people and sometimes it’s just this amazing chain reaction that we are a part of and never see the full extent of the damage. Honestly I think to the cross of calvary, when another person paid the penalty for those who had gone before. My understanding is that Adam was the first man and I have to believe that it broke God’s heart for him not to believe and trust a perfect father , in God. No matter, we all can see how the rest of the story played out , as we ourselves live in a very broken world, where it just seems to get just a little more darker with each passing day.
- Jesus is the only person in history who has never been on both sides of the coin . He’s not hurt others, but has only experienced the hurting. Yes, there was the painful excruciating death on the cross, where He just paid it backwards and forwards for all man kind, and if that just wasn’t enough….there is the daily denial of those who say that they know Him and Love Him, yet will not open their mouths to share Him with others. I’m not going to even mention about having His name being used as an expletive or curse word. We all sin and have sins, but we can’t reckon with or pay for those ourselves. They can’t be passed on to the next generation, like our national debt ☺️☺️. They have to be atoned for or dealt with, and the only possible solution is the person who has never ever hurt another single soul and NONE of us can make that claim but Jesus.
- If you are being crushed by the sins of your father as well as your own, God offers a solution and His name is Jesus and He invites you into a personal relationship with Himself. Choose to opt out of all of the brokenness.
- Till Next Time ✌️Peace!
- Sandy The Southerner
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