Welcome again and let's see if this makes any sense at all. I will often refer to how we just get beat up , just walking through life. Sometimes we get to a good place in life and we may take a sigh of relief and think somehow that we have made it. Ahhh! The sweet spot, like catching a tennis ball on the perfect spot on the racket, or hitting a golf ball with the full face of the club. There is nothing like a perfect drive , three hundred yards down the fairway and bouncing up on green, for what looks like it should be an easy birdie. ☺️☺️. No matter the sport or where you find yourself in life, this represents something pretty close to mountain top. Sometimes we fall into into that false sense of security, as we think this is good as it gets , nothing else matters and this is just the place that I want to stop, relax , sink in and enjoy....after all I've made it, whatever made it is for you☺️. It's a false sense of security, because we just know in the back of our minds that life just doesn't work this way. Life just has to always have the last word and why it's not always a bad thing, it's not always something that we were expecting or would even think to ask for in our wildest of prayers. So we are cruising or speeding down the highway of life and then just out of nowhere, we blow a tire or the engine decides to overheat.☺️
This one is going to be a little hard for me, but let's see if we can get through it together ☺️. Ok, so I said that we get beat up walking through life and my body bears the scars that can tell many tales. I have physical scars all over my body, and each one tells a different story. I have a slash across my forearm that looks like I got cut in a bar fight, but nothing so glamorous. It was actually acquired by my dad's belt, because once upon a time we could discipline like that without the threat of jail time☺️☺️, definitely another era ago. I have scars in different places from laying down a motorcycle or two, sports injuries and then actual scars from surgeries, the rotator cuff , shoulder surgery, the gall bladder surgery, and a few other assorted scars and it would probably be fun to play connect the dots, or scars as it would be☺️☺️. If I were to take an actual inventory of the emotional scars and laid them against my body, there wouldn't be one single place on my body that wouldn't be covered from head to toe. Emotional scars of failed romantic relationships, disappointing friendships , and family members that I can never divorce myself from, no matter how hard I try☺️. Closely related to the emotional scars are the spiritual ones and they come in a large variety as well, and they usually look something like , " I should have known better " to " why didn't I just listen to and believe God " I am not alone here and each one of them have left a mark on me either on the outside or the places that aren't visible.
I have pretty much always been a student of psychology and it started long ago with just my enjoyment of people watching. I'm not as crafty as an FBI profiler, but I do pay attention and I'm usually pretty quick to pick up on other people's hurts and pains that they carry with them, despite their best efforts to hide them. So many things in life are cause and effect, and the majority of the time they aren't good things or they wouldn't have presented us with some scare that left a mark on us and we just can't seem shake the shame and embarrassment of it all. I remember a football injury that I received during my high school years that put me on crutches for a while and sidelined me. It left me with what would become a little bit of a slight limp that grew worse over many years, leading up to a hip replacement when I was just forty-six years old. Kids will be kids, so yes, the injury came with a nickname and yes some of them even signed my high school yearbook addressed to "Crip"☺️☺️. A season of life and what doesn't kill us , makes us stronger, and stronger it did as I went on to pursue some pretty lofty challenges, including the Army. The point is , it didn't get better until many years later when I was forty-six. It was a constant lingering reminder of some place that I had been that left me less than whole. Our emotional and spiritual scars can wander along a very similar path.
I can't even begin to tell you the number of people that I have met over the years that have had some kind of a traumatic church experience and it's across all denominations. I without a doubt understand how difficult it is to distinguish between God and His kids or people who are supposedly His representatives, or spokesperson's . It's a real challenge because when these people are unkind, insensitive, or just complete jerks, we draw the connection and think that must be who and how God is , or otherwise He would just smite them ☺️☺️. We often forget that places of worship are suppose to be safe places of refuge and a places of healing for the broken, and way to often they are the complete opposite of that , and on occasions inflict more pain and suffering. God's people are just sinners, saved by grace, but not perfect, they should be moving in that direction, but none of us get there on this side of eternity. If there is such a thing as a field day, then it's when the church has some kind of sorted sex scandal and the world just loves to point an accusing finger, and say , see they are no different from everyone else. There can be and probably are thousands of other examples of the church being the church in a way that honors God, but you never hear about it and it's wiped away by that one incident , and the accusing fingers. When ever flawed human beings are involved in the mix, those flaws are bound to come shining through at some point....and it leaves a mark on others🥲
I think to myself of all of the times that I've made excuses and tried to justify my behaviors and choices, simply because I wanted to skirt around the right thing to do, say or be. I can tell myself that God will understand and that He knows how hard it is to live up to the things that He calls us to. I know that I can confess the offense and ask for forgiveness, and He will , as long as I'm sincere about it, and remember that God sees and knows hearts. I can't remember specifically about a time when God was asking me to be generous and I just struggled with it. Just because I can't remember, doesn't mean that there hasn't been a time.☺️ I will just be totally transparent and tell you that I believe everything that I own is a gift from God and who am I not to be generous?, when He has given me so much.....still there is this one thing that I struggle with tremendously and that's giving people my time. Write a check or swipe the card, no problem, but there is just something about my time and I may be blessed by whatever, but I know that I'm not getting that time back. Let's buckle up because I'm about to swerve into the other lane and cross the double yellow line☺️☺️.
While I'm swerving, I will tell you that this is a constant struggle for myself, which has been met with failure upon failure, more times than I care to admit, and think more so along the lines of a partner in crime, than partners in crime, some of you will make the connection later☺️☺️. Again!, not a seminary guy, but I have " searched " the scriptures and I have yet to find that place where the Bible says it's ok to have sex outside of marriage, just because you have been there and done that☺️☺️. I think that for many of us who are familiar with that in scripture, we don't think that it really applies after you have been married, and of course God knows that I have needs ☺️☺️. Yeah!! I have used that one before as well ☺️☺️. This one is a little bit more subtle and sometimes it acts like a time release drug , that has a delayed reaction. Sadly!, I'm way to familiar with this one and I don't like the thought of it, but every time we cross that threshold with someone and it doesn't end up being a forever connection, you leave and loose a part of yourself with that person. We constantly scratch our heads and rub our chest and just think and wonder to ourselves will our hearts ever heal and our heart is saying, how am I supposed to heal or how can I heal, when you have given so many pieces of it away. There is this little verse of scripture about God's word not returning void, and God says that whoever you give yourself to sexually, you become one with that person. When they leave or you kick them out , or however it implodes, they take and keep a part of you with them....why do you think the memories last so long? In this case it leaves a mark, sometimes a hemorrhage that refuses to heal. I think that I've said enough to make some think about it and the other's who know better are just pissed at me for drawing conviction upon them, no worries, no extra charge for the awkward discomfort ☺️☺️.
Moving on, we like true stories and I will share a little of my hearts pain as if I haven't done that enough already ☺️☺️. I have covered a lot of ground here, and there is usually more than one side to a story, and I think sometimes, if we are honest and step away from our victim hood, we are usually just as, if not more so guilty of inflicting pain than we want to admit. Sometimes!, no scratch that!, often to most of the time, I wish that I could connect and meet people like Jesus did. The thing that gets in the way of that, more than anything is fear. Jesus just loves and I'm known for protecting myself from being hurt, which leads to less vulnerability, which equals love with qualifiers. There!, I said it. We can't love people unless we are willing to move compassionately into their pain and the hurts into their lives. I remember a time when I met a very brilliant person and very broken, they were equal in their representation in their life. They asked me a simple question and it was , can you love me just as I am? I very confidently said, of course I can, all things possible with God....right? I will hear sports casters use the word" epic" as in something being tremendously awesome and that is exactly what this was an "epic" failure.
I think about Jesus's parable about the four different kinds of soil that seed falls on, and I think I added one more , for believers who go around and dig up the seeds. It's not what we intend or set out to do, but it's very much like that, when people who don't know God are expecting us to be the exception to all of the other one's that they have met, where the talk and walk , just doesn't match up. We are the one that God sent or had them seek out to be the difference maker. The one's who are suppose to be genuine because we know the "ONE". I fumbled the ball so many times with this one, that I benched myself. We don't always keep in mind that when you give a part of yourself away, that you loose a part of your objectivity and we put these rose colored shades on and somehow believe that it's our job to do things that we know only God can do. I can barely keep up with my own junk, so it's no way that I can control someone else's as in changing their heart. Compassion wants them to know the love of God, and there are times when you don't have to judge someone, because they will just go out of their way to let you know just how little they think about you and God. The Word says that light came into the world, but people hide from the light because they fear that there wickedness will be exposed, so they hide from the light, because they love the darkness, and this is true! It just rubs me the wrong way when people war against my savior, but you know what? I was once there as well and I still have my days, but the difference is having that relationship where God can gently correct me and my not always good attitude ☺️☺️.
The thing that breaks my heart, right into, much like a Chinese fortune cookie, is to know that when life gets tough or even unbearable , that I have some place to turn. Someone who wants to walk with me through every aspect of life, even the really messy tough things to navigate. When I'm scared, when I feel all alone in the world, when I'm unsure about myself, life and which road to take. When I need protection, or providing for , or just his providence and presence, God is always there for me. He wants to hear from me and He wants to spend time with me. He wants the best for me , even when I'm wrong about what I think that may be. ☺️ I know that He will never leave me or forsake me. When I loose my job, He comforts me. When I get a bad health diagnosis, He comforts me. When I loose a parent, the one person on the planet who has been there with me all of my days, He comforts me. The thing that breaks my heart is that I have so much that they will never be able to experience or benefit from just because they choose not to, yes they make a choice and even when we make no selection, we are still choosing. I take it on and upon myself, that I left them a little further away from God then they were before they met me....and that's a really hard one to swallow.
You just know that can't be the end of the story, because as long as there is breath in our lungs, then there is always hope, and where there is hope, there is forgiveness and second chances, even if it's really the three hundredth time of second chances ☺️☺️. God is the game changer, not me. He's the one who heals hearts. He's the one who takes away sins. He's the one who washes us clean. He's the author of Salvation and offers it freely to all who accepts what Jesus did on the cross. He is the One who is making all things new again, including us. Sadly my efforts were futile and closely to a lie, even though I tried my hardest to love them as much as I could, while hiding behind a wall like a coward to ensure that I didn't get hurt, while inflicting more pain, by being less than genuine. To whoever this person is or was in my life and perhaps your 's as well, I'm genuinely sorry from the bottom of my heart. All of the things and the ways that I failed you, God is still standing and waiting to make it right. Where I failed, God can't and never will fail you and can love your fragile and in many pieces heart perfectly. If its not right, then God's not done with it, but the choice is yours if you just want to continue on with going through with things that are just bound to leave more marks on you.
