This past week we celebrated or recognize Valentines day. Valentines day is supposed to be all about love. So, let’s talk about love. If you have been following along with me for any length of time, then you know that I’m not a fan of Valentines day. Its not that I don’t believe in celebrating love, because I do, but I feel as if Valentines day is for people who don’t do what they are supposed to do the other 364 days a year, and that is to show and demonstrate love to your significant other, be it a wife, girlfriend, or Whatever that designation may be. It’s been said that love is a many splendid things, and it can be, but also sometimes a little frightening. I was listening to a blerp on the internet, actually on Valentines day. The gentleman who was speaking, said that someone told him, that they loved him. That same person who told him that they loved him, also sexually abused him, neglected him, was physically abusive, and a whole laundry list of things that most people would never associate with love. In the end , he asked himself, did that person actually love him? As strange and oddly as it may sound, he determined that yes , that person actually loved him. The rub here, is how that person perceived love, in their weird way of thinking, they believed that they were showing and demonstrating love to him. Here lies the problem ,different interpretation of love. We will get back to this in a few. If I remember this correctly, there are basically three types of love. There is the agape love, which refers to how God loves us, unconditionally and always pursuing, could also be in parenting. Then the philao love, which is kinda like a brotherly love, or close friend, and is also where Philadelphia hails from, not sure why that place is known as the city of brotherly love. The people there aren’t to friendly, and are rabbit sports fans, well at least in my humble opinion 😀. And the third kind is known as aromas love, which is a romantic love, and where the French get the word for love “amore”. So , for my purposes we will mostly be dealing with the latter. Its an amazing thing when two people make an incredible connection and fall in love. It is not the same for everyone, I still believe in love at first sight, or getting to know someone. And for others it may be a slow gradual thing, and one day it just occurs to you, that you don’t want to do life without this person. Its great when you find your ying to your yang. There are few things in life as satisfying as a deep and rich connection with another individual. I like to think of love as being full of passion, if not in love making, then something that moves the two of you,, it could even be about those eight cats you have in your house 😀.There is definitely something to be said when you find someone to match your intensity. No! I’m not talking about simultaneous orgasms, but that can be pretty awesome as well. I mean life intensity, they love and show you appreciation as much as you show them. They want to be around you as much as you want to be around them. They make you light up when you get a text message from them .I think maybe Marvin Gaye said it best when he sang the words, ” I want you to want me, just like I want you”. Its pretty special when you get someone and they get you back. Couples have all sorts of things that draw them into one another, and why some of those things may seem weird or odd to me, its really not about me. Its about what works for them. All though I must confess ,I really enjoy when two adrenaline junkies get together, because they always find unique and unusual ways to continue to push the envelope. While looking in from the outside, they may seem extreme, the Couples who enjoy jigsaw puzzles together may seem to be a yarn, its really about what works for you. In an earlier post I talked about sexual compatability in dating, and the importance on being on the same page, and the same is true here as well. I get that it seems as if nothing last forever, and here I’m specifically talking about marriage and relationships. Our culture has become so self involved, that everything is about me . See this can be a dilemma in relationships, because of varying levels of commitment. One person may be deeply and madly do anything in thing the world for you, and the other person is more or less in a infatuation state of mind. In the early stages of a relationship, they can look very similar, but as you journey on together, the diversity will be very pronounced. Go back to the beginning, when we were talking about different perceptions of love. Fewer and fewer people are going the distance with the whole till death do us part thing. Again, this goes back to intensity and selfishness, you need someone who thinks like and believes the same way that you do about relationships. Some people are beginners or novice, and what I mean by that is, they start out well, but suck at the follow through. They are always jumping into new relationships without ever looking in the mirror to see the common denominator is themselves. They always think its the other person’s issue, without taking inventory of self. They may be characterized by , I’m good with you as long as things are good. The flaw in there thinking is that life is not always good or positive. You need to pick a life partner with someone who has similar goals and aspirations for your future together. Life can be tough and hard, and your choice needs to be someone who can weather the storms of life with you. I remember the Gulf War, and I believe that it was General Powell , who said war is like stepping into a room where you know where everything is and then someone cuts off all of the lights. Life can be that way as well. We start out in a really good place, but none of us know what is lurking around the corner. It could be health issues, financial problems, a difficult pregnancy or someone battling an addiction. I’m a firm believer in what doesn’t kills us makes us or the relationship stronger. These battle scars are and can sometimes define a relationship or solidify it. There is nothing more comforting or reassuring than knowing that your partner has your back. How loved does a woman feel?, when a woman has breast cancer and knows that her mate is there for her, and loves her the same regardless of the transition her body goes through. There is also a joker, unicorn, or some anomaly in the room, maybe we should refer to them as the “pretenders “. This is the person who starts out with you and say that they are looking for and seeking the same things that you are in life. However when there is the slightest hint of a storm on horizon, they cut bait and run. I think this a sophisticated form of a “booty call”. These people lack substance and are very closely related to the novice. Unfortunately there are people in the world who have no real direction or idea of what it is that they want out of life. I’ve met people who have had trauma in their lives, possibly from an old partner with a bad perception of love and relationships. As, I earlier started, I have no initials behind my name, but you would think that they should seek professional advice, or at least stay out of the dating pool. I have run off in so many directions, that I’m feeling closely related to those without direction. Earlier when talking about the covid thing, I mentioned about older couples who stood by their partners, when it surely meant a death sentence for themselves, see they got it!. We sit back and think how special or sweet that was, but never asking ourselves if we could love that way. There is absolutely a difference between telling someone that you love them and actually having the courage to walk that out in life. Yes, love can be scary sometimes. I once knew a doctor who had ten kids, and I believe him and his wife had two sets of twins. I found it utterly disgusting after almost 30 plus years of marriage that they carried on as if they were teenagers and as if they had just started out in a fresh relationship. She was still sticking cute little notes in his lunch, and he was sending flowers, just because. While I found it disgusting at the time, I greatly admire them and believe that they will be one of those couples who would never leave the others side. He was Canadian, not sure if that has anything to do with it or not 😃. I need to do a wrap up here and I’m going to challenge some of you here. Love is a choice, its not exactly like picking out a pair of socks to wear for the day, but it is an exacting of the will. It may start out with the giddy and butterflies, and the heart skipping a beat. However if it doesn’t grow into something much deeper than that, you are doomed. There will definitely be a day when the honeymoon is over, of course unless you are from Canada. Romantic relationships can sometimes be like your kids, you know what I’m talking about, you love them, but there are days when you definitely don’t like them. When things are rough, hard , or a real dry spell,, it doesn’t mean trying to conjure up fake emotional feelings, it means choosing to show love, by being kind and thoughtful . It can be as simple as asking about their day, maybe saying good morning, or just being a little more patient. You have to choose to, and decide to love people, it is a choice. If you don’t have deep roots in your relationship, then when that sickness occurs, or that addiction relaps, you will question whether to stick it out or not. You have to share in each other’s joys and pains, successes and failures. You have to be intentional to include each other in your plans. Love in its truest form over years , could look like finishing each other’s sentences, mind- reading, need – anticipating ,and thinking of your partner before yourself. And again for the record, I’m not encouraging anyone to stay in a dangerous or abusive situation. I believe that God is the author of love, so He gets to define it or have the final say. He says that love is patient, its kind, it is not jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love doesn’t demand its own way. Love is not irritatable and keeps no records of wrong. It doesn’t rejoice at injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loose faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. So while with people having different takes and interpretations on love, this definition has stood the test of time. I’m not saying that if your love isn’t grounded in these principles that its not real or genuine. After all, puppy love is still real to a puppy. I believe that one of the primary reasons our eyes change over time is so your bride or groom,, looks just as dashing now ,as they did on the day that you said “I Do” When you love hard, you want someone to love you hard back.
Till next time ✌
Sandy the Southerner
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