This is where post #9 started out before I revised it. A little different, but still some quality content.
The L word is not for loosers, but it stands for love , and yes sometimes we loose at love. In our culture now days this is a very loosely used word. We love everything, from our pets, favorite TV shows, our cars, families, favor foods, and deserts, mine is a nice tender medium rare Ribeye, by the way, but we literally describe love to just about anything and everything . Surely our spouses and significant others aren’t on the same level with an automobile, or some vacation spot…or are they? I have come to observe that there are varying degrees of love, and does it go along with that other very dirty word…commitment?. Well, first of all I think that only God has this down to an exact science. Most of us mess this up because we love with expectations, and yes, to have loved returned to you is an expectation, not a bad one.. It may sound silly or unattainable for love to be unconditional , but in its purest form, that is indeed what love is. And along with the varying degrees of love, the same holds true for commitment. This reminds me of the old story about the farm animals coming together to make breakfast. See the chicken gave eggs, and the cow came along with milk and butter, but when the pig showed up and gave the bacon, sausage and ham, he was clearly more committed than the previous two. 😀 I remember back five or ten years ago, when the culture was pushing forth this idea of a “starter marriage “. It was supposed to be like a trial run, you know, the old test drive. Let’s check it out and see what we are getting, let’s see whats under the hood.. A starter marriage only suppose to be five to seven years, get some experience. Then you divorce and then go out and seek after a more permanent, lasting relationship. RIDICULOUS!!. First of all haven’t we been doing that for decades now , with the whole cohabitation thing? Sometimes its as if God has this sick or crazy sense of humor, because the data shows people who practice cohabitation prior to marriage increases thier odds almost 2 to 1 of the marriage not working out. If you want to shack up ,then shack up , but please don’t drag marriage into it, with the ridiculous idea of it being a starter thing. I think very often we say I love you, when we should actually be saying, I strongly like you. Many people have strange ideas about what love is, and how it should work. I know for myself, when it came to Ms. Annomuis, I pushed all of my chips in to the center of the table, I was all in, and for whatever reason, she was incapable or unwilling to do the same. I once new this guy at my church, sadly so. We will call him Doug. I remember he and his dear wife were in there mid forties, when she came down with early onset dementia, and it came upon her quickly. I remember him saying, I can’t do this, its not in the cards for me at this stage of my life. I commend him , one for knowing who he was at that time of his life. And two, he put her in one of the best facilities to care for her. However he got an epic fail, on all other fronts, for not remaining by her side, and seeing through the commitment that he had vowed to earlier on. And yes, I realize how difficult that could have been, and yep, it could have gone on for many more years, but that is why they say in sickness and in health. Life doesn’t always go easy on us. I was clearly the pig in my last relationship. I think people like or want to enjoy the better part of life and relationships, but seek to avoid the unpleasant parts, but again that is not how life works. I said it before and will stand by it, that for most of us we grow in the valleys of life. That is where our metal is tested, and we grow in to new and deeper levels of commitment. The old saying is, what doesn’t kill us, makes us and the relationship stronger. Love and commitment, means sometimes you have to get your hands dirty. It means having to roll up your sleeves, and do the hard stuff. The hard stuff could be what I just mentioned about Doug. or it could be dealing with infidelity, difficult children, financial issues, aging parents, and the list is endless, and it always presents itself as a challenge to the relationship. Love can overcome all of the before mentioned things, but it is rarely easy. I will confess that I’ve done the whole marriage thing more than once, and it can be extremely hard on certain days, years,, and seasons, but it also has the potential for great intimacy, satisfaction, and be immensely rewarding. We are a people who love convince and if a relationship doesn’t offer or present that to us, we are off looking for greener pastures. How often is this not spelled out, when someone wants the immediate response of a physical relationship after just a few dates. If it is not there, they are off seeking it elsewhere. This reminds me of drivers who break their necks to get around a truck or some other slow moving vehicle, and guess what? There is always another truck just up a head .I feel as if I would be remiss if we didn’t look at what the Man upstairs says about love, after all, it was His invention. In the book of first Corinthians, chapter thirteen, they call this the love chapter and even if you are not a believer, you are probably familiar with this because it is often used in weddings. And I promise you that very few of us do this well or correctly , and most of us completely screw this up and miss the boat .God says love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude. It doesn’t demand its own way. It is not irritatable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loose faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance . Let’s just look at a few of these. Do we like throwing up in our partners face past miscues and failures. Remember we are supposed to be a team so we succeed together and we fail together. When you tear at your partner, you are also tearing at yourself, or can you not see that. I hate to think of how many times I have told someone that I love them and then failed to be patient or kind. I definitely missed the boat here as a father. Do we believe that love endures through every circumstance? , or is that just a grand illusion for Hollywood in their happily ever afters. These are very high standards that God has placed before us, but it definitely separates the wheat from the chaff. Perhaps, just Perhaps we should start here before we ever think about those three little words ever rolling off of our lips.
Till next time ✌
Sandy the Southerner
