Fifty , Not , Fifty-two
Sometimes I get awaken from my sleep, usually when its really good, because I don’t sleep soundly on a regular, like when I was younger. I don’t know if it is just part of the aging process or what. If it helps you to connect, its like when you are having a really good sex dream and you are jarred by your bladder to be relieved, you try holding it for as long as possible , but the urgency is distracting you from something extremely juicy about to take place in your dream . Sure enough you get up, handle things, only to return to bed, and can’t get anywhere close to picking up from where you left off. Talk about frustrating, right!!. Most of the time I try to resist the urge to be awakened only because it’s rare for me to have sound sleep. This morning, it was to put pen to paper, or in other words, get some of the weirdness out of my head. It was a strong desire, that usually happens when God nudges me to get up and spend time with Him, and much, much less frequent occasions when my body, says get up and exercise me!. I wish that I could tell you that I’m a superstar in that department, and when God’s says get up and spend time with me, that I immediately jump to it, but that would be a huge falsehood. And it’s kind of one of those ironic things, because I want to hear from God, I just don’t always like to hear what He has to say to me. Thus maybe the reluctant mood or behavior. Its one of those double edge sword things, it means it cuts both ways. Both ways?..yeah it gets you going in and again when it comes out of you. Don’t get me wrong, I love the word of God, I just don’t always care for when it convicts and corrects me. I have been in the camp of God said it,so that settles it, for along time. I get that He is God and that I’m not, that means that I don’t get to edit, His thoughts, His words, or the meaning there of, but boy do I have fun wrestling with it. Personally, I think the job of being God is a lousy job, who wants all of that pressure of when to intervene or not, deciding who lives and who doesn’t. These are some of the things we grapple with in our finite minds, and I get that He is eternal and thus an eternal perspective, way beyond what we can comprehend. Oh wow! This has really run off of the rails this morning from where I intended to be. Ms. Annomuis use to have real struggles with me one minute talking about sex, and the next on something spiritual. I guess for me, they are all related, after all, sex was God’s idea. I wondering if I should rename this post, or just completely send it to the trash bin. Thanks for hanging in there and let’s see if we can right the ship.
This post was supposed to be an explanation point on the “Thing ” or the LDR. We live in a universe where good and evil both exist simultaneously, and sometimes its a battle to see who wins out. As a Christian, I believe that good ultimately always wins out over evil, even when we can’t immediately see it, and yes perhaps on this side of eternity we never will. And right along side, love always conquers hate. I called this one ” Fifty, not Fifty-two “, because the first Fifty weeks of that year were just simply amazing, hands down. I want to say what is love , if it is not challenged, and some how forged in the fire. I think all to often we think about fire in a relationship, we are swept away to smoldering passion of sexual desire and forfillment. Yes, necessary on some level, but it can’t be your base. I know that people some people have active sex lives in thier seventies, eighties , and sometimes beyond. When I was younger, this was met with a resounding gross, and how disgusting but as I find myself closer to that than my twenties, thirties, or even my forties, I think good for them and maybe some day I may be as lucky. It’s not something I spend to much time on and part of me has amazement that things still work in that department at that age. Where were we? Oh yeah! Good and evil. Everyone has a view point and interpretation as to what took place, and this one is mine. We all have a past and things that we are not proud of…all of us. I have an ex, the person whom I was involved with before I met Ms. Annomuis. She had an whole host of issues, some complex, and some ” not so much”. I won’t go into detail, because that is not what we are here for, however I will say this one thing in case you find yourself on the other side of this some day. One can not learn and grow, if they already know everything and has all of the answers. This woman could council God. She had to let you know that she was the smartest one in the room. She could never listen or learn anything about you, because she was always to busy expressing herself as to all that she knew….even if it was incorrect. So week Fifty- one, out of know where, she reaches out to the current with so much abusive and character deprivation, that I could barely recognize me. This some how started a snowball effect that I just couldn’t wrap my mind around. I’m a firm believer that we will find whatever we are desperately seeking in life,, whether it be God, success ,or even trouble. Its like opening yourself up to the endless possibilities. I’m not super wierd when it comes to spiritual things, but I know that there are forces around us every day that are battles for good and evil. Its kind of like mediums, palm readers and the sort, do I believe that there is some element of truth there, absolutely!, but I believe that they are demonic in nature and we can chat about this more later on. Back on the tracks, the things this woman proclaimed about me were just amazing and a horrible distortion. For the most part I really couldn’t give a rats …, however the impact that it had on my present relationship and Ms Annomuis were profound. I know what was true and what was not. It took me back to my mid twenties, when someone used a horrible derogatory slang word to label me. It came from, what should have been an innocent 7 or 8 year old child, but it was hurtful and I knew that she didn’t know any better, just a product of her environment. My mother and I had a conversation about it, and she said,, you know that, that word has a very specific meaning, and does it apply to you?, and the answer was a resounding no. My mother raised us with the sticks and stones thing, but as you get older, you realize that isn’t true, and that some of the most painful things that you will endure in life is hurtful and harmful words. I really hate to do this but I need to break this off here, and pick it up next time. I want to be respectful of people’s time and I know that some of you just want to drop in real quick. And I know that others get bored easy or should I say have so many other things that vie for our time. So follow the bread crumbs, because there may be a twist or two. We will pick it up with “A woman Scorned “
Till next time ✌
Sandy the Southerner
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