DATING AFTER 50
Ok,guys , I have been both excited and dreding this post . As I mentioned before, I believe if you are on the fence about a divorce, as long as you are not in some kind of physical or mental peril, then you should exhaust all possible options before pulling the trigger on that. Notice that i did not say emotional peril, because if you are considering or are in the throws of a divorce, than that ship has already left the pier. You may have divorced friends, who tell you how great being divorced is, but don’t be fooled. They are either lying to you to cover up some pain or embarrassment, or they are flat out in denial. Most research shows that it take the average person , seven to ten years to recover from a divorce, and that is if they ever do. And, yes there are always exceptions, but far a few in-between. If you are one of those rare unicorns, congratulations, go play the lottery.
Again these are some of my own personal experiences, and I wish to once again to remind you that we are not always rated PG here, and today is one of those days. What I’m about to share is probably not exclusive to dating over 50, but that is about the age I was, when I found myself back in the game. First of all , if you are not dating your spouse, dating at this age carries a tent of desperation with it. Its kinda equivalent to a woman in her late thirties to mid forties, who has a desire to reproduce and hasn’t done it so far, you feel as if time is running out. And again I realize that there are confirmed bachelors and Bachelorettes out there, who just want to have fun and play the field. I get it, to each its own, I find the idea of growing older with a certain special person a treasure to hold on to and it should be cherished. I know for myself after spending the better part of twenty years with one woman, you kinda get use to having someone around and in your life, even if on alot of days , that you can’t stand them, or maybe frustrated that they are still drawing breath. Its no secret that men jump back in sooner than thier woman counterparts. I hate to say this, but alot of the times, men can be needy. You guys know who you are , who went from, your mother taking care of you, and her , possibly and reluctantly handing you over to your wife. And if you are a momma’s boy, we will deal with you on another whole post down the road. Furthermore, research shows that men who are in healthy committed relationships, live longer.
Alot of people meet online these days, and all of the women that I have dated come from that category. If you have been at this for any link of time , you know that people aren’t always who ,they represent themselves to be. And that goes for both men and women. I believe that they share equally in this area. It covers the gambit, from a 300 pound woman referring to herself as a few extra pounds, maybe if she was nine and half feet tall. People posting old pictures of themselves from ten to twenty years ago. And some of my favorites are people who say that they like to travel and have never been out of thier own zip code, let alone the state with which they live. People who say that they are a social smokers or drinkers, but in reality they have black lungs, and should be pulling one of those little oxygen tanks behind them in the very near future. Or perhaps its the person that goes out to dinner with you and thier bar tab is almost as large as your student loan debt was at one point. Should we give a pass, for saying that they love animals,? when they know that they have allergies and phobias, because they were traumatized by a dog bite or cat scratch from when they were a child. Those are just a few, and I’m sure we could feel a thick book with all of the false representations out there. And again I will concede that there is a great number of people out there who do the right things and are exactly who they represent themselves to be.
Moving on, I had spent twenty year in a marriage and while I was away, the world got crazy, ok crazier. Dating had changed alot from what I remembered prior to being married. I’m a little old fashioned, so I was a little put off by all of the openness of the first and second date questioning, some of it rude, and sometimes crude as well.Don’t get me wrong, I like a little pursuit from the woman to let me know that she is interested or not. What we got, and what I encounter was what they say is ” off the chain”. The questions were very much up front and in your face. They went from your financials,to sexual heath and everything in between. Look! , I’m a realist and I get it, but I don’t know who this person is , sitting across the table from me is. I know that there are times when you meet people and you have some sort of instant chemistry with them and I’ve been on the opposite end of the spectrum as well, when I had wished that I had a friend call me in the middle of the date, to give me an excuse to escape. All be that as it may, what happened to getting to know someone,?, isn’t that the reason for the date in the first place? I wish that, I could slap this solely on the women, but the guys are just as bad or worse. Women like security and they want to know if you are worth thier time. Men are often returning to thier adolescent years and want to know how long before they can stick their hand in the cookie jar. However, I must admit that it is often a two way street. Women find a new sexual freedom after the kids are grown and out of the house. Many of them feel as if they spent years in a bad marriage, and have missed out and want to catch up. Sommetimes in sexless marriages, because of the situation. And when I say the situation, it is almost, but not quite exclusively due to thier lack of interest in the person that they were married to. If you have reached this age , and don’t get the point ,that for women, sex starts in their brain, then you should probably take a basic psychology course. When they are younger, its alot more hormonal, but later on, it is clearly about what they think and how they feel about the present choices ahead of them. And less not overlook, the sexual health factor, on both sides. Menopause and ED, erectile dysfunction ,they are a thing!. Some women’s sex drives explode, while others disappears and never to be seen or heard from in again. Men have thier share of issues here as well, sometimes from years of poor choices in the health department, but its no scientific mystery that these areas can decline with age, thus the little blue pills. You may wonder,why the emphasis in this area? Simply, its a big deal for alot of potential partners. If you meet a woman who’s sex drive and desire is gone, and you find yourself in a similar mindset, then you guys can take that off of the table and move on to other concerns. The conflict enters the picture when you are not on the same page, and I guess for this reason, it is first or second date material for conversation. No one wants to waist thier time with the wrong person, especially not at this point in life. This is a just a little bit of an overview. Now let’s talk about some of the other things that people do and have become customary on first and second dates. I am aware that we live in the age of ” Tender” , but for some reason I always associate that with younger people, let’s say under forty, but that is not always the case,,thus the phrase” cougar “, and many women wear it as a badge of honor. I know they say whats the harm?, men have been dating women half their age since as far as we can think back. Personally, I’ve never been a fan of any kind of double standard and have often struggled with why it exist here. The best I can tell it is because women give life, and some associate motherhood with a higher calling , but momma has needs to. I have met women and they have disclosed to me that men often look for or expect hand jobs or blow jobs at the end of the evening on first dates. My immediate thought was “yikes” and gross, and extremely disgusting. And no , I’m not a prude! My brain is a little wierd at times and we will get more into that later. I don’t know which is worse, that the guy has the gall ask for such, or that she feels the need to comply , or that there would not be a second date. I think it goes to self respect. Unfortunately self-esteem is a real issue in our culture and many women feel beat down by thier lack to measure up. I’m once again here a realist, and to expect a woman of fifty plus to look like something other than that is just frankly unrealistic. There is such a thing as good genes,,some people have them and others don’t. I think we have all met people who don’t look thier age and also the opposite is true, when you can’t believe that they are that young…ouch! I will go on record here and say that I’m not a supporter of performance base first and second dates. I remember the Bill Clinton years, but for me oral sex seems so much more personal and intimate than the other. I really don’t understand what ,or know what people are thinking here. I need to wrap this up,,so be warned, you may encounter women on first contact asking you if your “Junk” still works, or the condition of your 401k. And I think its shameful about men or women excepting sexual favors right out of the gate . I know that it exist,,just not a supporter of such activity. There are a whole host of topics, such as kids and grandkids, pets and exercise, or the lack there of, that we did not get to, but I’m sure that we will hit upon all of them at some point in the future. I welcome your questions and feedback and if you enjoy my sometimes twisted sense of humor and perspective remember to subscribe. So until next time ✌
Sandy The Southerner
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