” Legacy “

Not The Only One!
Post # 38
” Legacy”
Howdy, and welcome back, or if it’s your first time along ,welcome aboard.. I’m not sure what comes to mind for you, when you think about the word legacy. It most a surely has different call signs for different people, and for different reasons. I have run across people who will interchange this with ” Heritage ” and sometimes also with “Tradition”. I think sometimes they can be close in nature, but not the same animal. I think that the exception may be if you come up with something that somehow becomes part of your Heritage , or if it becomes a Tradition. Both of these can and has happened. However for the purposes here, we want to look at it more surgically and not so much broad base. So, we will be discussing personal Legacy and what you leave behind . Legacy for the most part is like money, it’s kind of neutral and indifferent. What you do with it can determine a great many things. And the Legacy that you write and leave behind can also determine a great many things. We live in a day and age, where everyone is screaming…look at me ! .Social media has most definitely flipped the look at me ! into high gear as if it’s on some super octane fuel source. I mean this is nothing new, it’s been going on almost since the beginning of time, and you may be thinking, really? How so? Well in times gone past ,you may have seen a building or a stadium, hospitals, and even bridges and highways named after a person, or a family, who we thought were note worthy, or whom wished to be remembered. I want to tell you that this is mostly vanity and that as time goes on, history will determine how you are remembered and that’s if at all. There have been great men and women who have lived and made tremendous contributions to society and culture as a whole, and for most people, it will be something buried in a history book, or something to look up on Google for a term paper. . If they become really obscure they may be the question to a Jeopardy answer☺️☺️☺️. Sadly, there are people who have accomplished great feats in life, and they are only remembered for their one big misstep, that they had. This is not their fault, but ours because we like to dwell on the negative. I could give countless examples and as soon as I say their name, we immediately run to the negative. It doesn’t matter if its O. J. Simpson, or Bill Clinton, we remember their failures much more than their successes. If you love history, you may be able to name a few more ex presidents, other than the ones in your life time. Of course there have been the biggies, such a Jefferson, the Roosevelt’s, and yes, there was more than one. The Kennedys have always been popular, with some people wanting to make them the equivalent to Camelot. Then there was always the Father of our nation , with that big monument named after him in the nation’s capital. I know some people are thinking, well some of these guys are on our currency, but as we move ever closer to a cashless society , they will be forgotten as well. We have all seen of late, what our culture thinks, about statues, monuments, and certain reminders of our past. So one day, someone will research good old George and find out that he was a slave owner, and his monument , may have to go bye bye, as well. And for the record, he was a slave owner, but he sought there freedom at his death. So ,while we are at it ,let’s just go for the jugular, and say that , a great number of people don’t know who Jesus Christ is as well, they think that He is just some kind of swear word made up by Hollywood for movies. The difference here is that all of these other people are dead and for the most part we know where their final resting place is, but Jesus is still alive, so I’m pretty sure that His name and Legacy is safe and secure. When I was a freshman in college , I had a nice liberal professor, exclaim that the only thing that you can have in life , that can’t be taken away from you, is an education. My young impressionable mind thought that was cool and so spot on!. However , as I have gotten older, I also feel that way about genuine authentic faith, it can never be taken away from you, once you possess it. Now! I’m not going to get wrapped around the axle about that one, and yes ,there are people who denounce their faith and I would question, the genuineness of it in the first place, while others are martyr for their faith every day, some where around the world. As far as history goes, people rewrite it every day as well, you may remember that once upon a time Pluto use to be a planet, but not so much anymore!. I think for most people it’s not something we give a significant amount of thought to until we are closer to the end, the exception is often in sports, politics or in the entertainment industry. We also have to make note of, that all legacy is not good or positive. Adolf Hitler left a legacy, yes, Nazis still exists today and it’s an on going debate as to whether they are on the fringe or not. I don’t believe that most people would view that as a positive legacy, but legacy none the less. I said that we wanted to talk surgical and not so broad base, so let’s get there. Let’s talk about what we leave behind, for most of us it’s our children. In the post that I wrote ” First Responders “, I spoke about my daughter being keenly aware of her boys being successful in life. I also said, that the measuring stick for that is not about money, power, or fame, but that they grow up to be responsible contributors to society and also in being great husbands and fathers. I think that is where the rubber meets the road, what do you reproduce, when you reproduce.? I am a firm believer that some people should never have kids or be parents, or maybe even pet owners, for various reasons, which I will not get into right now. However, if you see the kinds of things that I talk about that are note worthy, they are usually the opposite of that. I often talk about my journey here on planet Earth. While much of what I share is later in life stuff, I did have a childhood, and for the most part it would be characterized as a happy one. It’s not maybe the normal or stereotypical upbringing, but it’s what I had. I said that it would for the most part be a happy one, but I also realize that some of the whippings and spankings, that I got back in the day, would land my parents in hot water today, possibly a little jail time☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️. I didn’t say it was undeserved, just that the culture has shifted. Something that is completely foreign now days, is that , neighbors would discipline other people’s kids, and then they would drag you home by the ear, where your parents would take a term for bringing embarrassment and shame on the family, and just because you were trained better than that….really??, yes really!!. I think that I was in my early adolescent years, watching some TV, crime drama, before I figured out that double Jeopardy meant something other than getting two whippings for the same event :):). Ok, I digress. I think at some point I may have mentioned that I’m the oldest of over some forty plus grandkids. So, just like the Israelites, when God said go forth and multiply, my family took Him at His Word :):):). Well, I know!, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Myself being the oldest of all those grandkids meant that I got much time with my grandparents and much love as well. I have many wonderful memories of my grandparents, my grandfather and I was best buds, while my grandmother represented the discipline side of the tandem. They imparted some of life’s wisdom to me, that would not fully be registered until later in life. I know that our culture has drastically shifted from when I was a young lad, however good old fashioned common sense never goes out of style and seems to be in short supply now days. My grandfather use to refer me as M& M, which stood for Mr. Mischievous, little did I know at the time, that would be a representation of most of my life☺️☺️☺️. I have found myself to be one of those people who never had to go looking for trouble, it just somehow became one of my more closer companions ☺️☺️. My dad was kind of old school having been raised in the south during the height of segregation, or to be more politically correct, the Civil Rights Movement. He always told all his boys to never go looking for trouble, but when trouble found you, to put an end to it. I won’t explain what he meant by that, but will let you draw your own conclusions, but we all knew! I don’t want to under cut my relationship with my grandfather and all that he instilled in me. We had grand times together, whether I was beside him in his garden, or I was sneaking up early in the morning to sip a little bit of his coffee from his cup and saucer. I remember him going out and getting fresh eggs from under his chickens for breakfast and later in life we had a running joke about some of the girls I would bring by the house ,and he would throw out a number, as in a rating for her. Did we always agree, absolutely not, but it was fun. I made mention earlier about him in later years about combat boots, boxers, and cutting grass in front of the neighbors, not his finest moment, but one most would never easily forget. I think that he was the first person that I lost that grief just gripped my soul. My grandmother proved to be more like the energizer bunny , and besting him by twenty five years plus. She mellowing over the years, and I felt a little resentment that some of my younger cousins were not sent outside to get their own switches off of the bush as I had to do in years earlier. Grandma was an old fashioned Zoro ,with those switches, again look it up! Ok, let’s talk about my mom a little bit before moving on. I love my mom, but our relationship had been strained from time to time, over the years, from something that took place when I was a teen, and it left some deep scars on us both. I have made note that I was not exactly the most compliant child and if you are going to make mistakes, the first born is usually where that takes place, but not all the time. The other day I was on the Bible app, and it was talking about the 23rd Psalm, and my mind went immediately to my mom, as something she entrusted to us at an early age to help during difficult times. It’s not a very long Psalm and she had us commit it to memory and till this day, I can still recite it. One more about mom before moving on. This one has perplexed some people over the years, but it rang loud and true for me, and I believe for my brothers as well. My mom use to tell us if we ever found ourselves in a place where we only got to make one phone call, to not waste it on her. Some think this was harsh, I always saw it as love. Again! You were trained better than to get yourselves into those predicaments. I have made note of one of my mom’s staple sayings and that is to stay away from fights, fires, and crowds, and it has served me well. She also tried to sell us on that “sticks and stones” thing, but as you get older, you realize it’s just as real as Santa Clause ☺️☺️☺️. I know that I have gone on for a little bit, and now it’s about me being on deck. Yep! What am I leaving behind and what have I instilled into my kids? This is actually the heart of the matter, and how this post registered in my brain. This is probably the place that I should spend the majority of my time, but I’m not, because it’s like a ongoing criminal investigation. Recently I became aware of some of my son’s words, actions and behaviors, I thought to myself, is that what I taught him?. And once again remember, it’s not about your words, but what you model for them. I had to take real hard stair in the mirror on this one, and in all honesty, I think this one is all his own. I earlier had spoke about how all legacy is not positive, and yes, we have some of that in our family as well, most do, not all claim it. Sometimes legacy is repeating bad behavior or poor people skills. I will throw you a bone on this one. Looking back, I was mostly raised with tough love, it’s what I knew, and what I responded to. The military also is mostly tough love, well it use to be anyway , so over the years this became part of my wheelhouse. I duplicated it with my kids and I see it with my daughter’s family as well. I will confess to being a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but more like I’m comfortable with what I know and if it works for me, then why change it. The answer to that question is ,that tough love doesn’t work for everyone, and I was slow at recognizing that. My son and his mother are two points in this case. It can be tough to acknowledge that something that worked so well for me, is not a one size fit all thing. I’m not sure exactly when this hit me, or I became aware of it. So junk from my upbringing was passed on to my kids, one got it and one rebel and crumbled a little bit. I have had conversations with my daughter about this and how she needs to take a much broader view with her offspring. It sounds simple enough, but I can tell you that she has her struggles with it, because it is ingrained in her, as it was with me. My mom, was a whole different generation thing, and during that Era, I do believe for the most part it was a one size fit all. Once, I became aware, now I’m constantly encouraging my daughter to do things in a modified manner and not to make the same mistakes that her mother and I made. I know that change can sometimes be both hard and difficult, and a little scary, but it doesn’t excuse us of personal responsibility. I mean if you were raised in a household where your dad was a mean drunk, and he use to hit your mom, then it’s a choice to repeat that behavior. I get that it is sometimes about what has been modeled for you, ingrained and, do I dare say sometimes seen as acceptable behavior, but like really…..come on now! Back to my son, whom I dearly love, he is at a crossroads of some things that he should have dealt with along time ago, and had them neatly tucked away in there perspective places. His mother and I do bare some responsibility here, as he got caught up in some of our drama as we were splitting up, so more bad family habits passed on as I had with my mom. When he was a tween, we started something known as MIT, which stood for man in training. That process was interrupted by the events that took place between his mother and I, and sadly some of the ramifications of that is beginning to rear it’s ugly head. I have grown into a somewhat sensitive man in my later years, but my son has just always been that. When he played football, he was a defensive end, and he loved getting after the QB, and when he registered a sack, he was the first one over helping him up off of the ground, with a ” hey are you ok man”? When I played, I was probably more of a gloat kind of guy, ,because I was raised during a time, when sensitivity was seen more as a weakness than a strength. I know first hand, that sometimes you can do everything pretty close to perfect, and your kids can still choose to make a wrong turn or make bad decisions. I’m not saying that is what happened here, far from it, but I have known other model parents who have found themselves dealing with things that they never envisioned . The ultimate case here is Adam and Eve, how do you manage getting kicked out of a garden ☺️☺️, where everything was just perfect. Again none of this precludes us from personal responsibility. My ex wife was always on record as saying , he will figure it out, well !!, that’s why God gave you parents, so you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. My son has always been a kid who is going to touch the hot stove, just to make sure , that you are telling him the truth, which he came by honestly, from his mother and I. Next month he turns thirty and I’m still aware of the two steps forward and one step backwards, which I’m extremely grateful for because it could very easily be the other way around. So…on my watch, one of the most heart breaking things for me is that my son is very close to breaking a chain of six generations of faith in our family that I know of, and yes, this goes back to a time when it was ok for some people to own other people , and at a time when all we had was faith in God ,and that some day, some way, that things would be better. When I think about legacy, I believe this is the most important gift that you can leave behind. We all know that riches and possessions, come and go, and they ultimately don’t represent any real security in life, but faith is riches beyond compare. This is an area in life where I don’t want to be 50/50. Some say celebrate the success, but is it really a success, when only one of your two kids, gets it. There is this thing where males mature later in life than females, but I still can’t figure out why we die first☺️☺️ . All jokes a side the male frontal cortex in the brain doesn’t fully develop until late twenties to early thirties , which is fine, but my biggest weapon here will be prayer. I get that I’m only here by the grace of God, and my mom and grandparents, were praying people and that is what saw me through, and as I said earlier, if it ain’t broke, why fix it. I will leave you with this, just in case that you have a prodigal of your own. The word of God contains Principles, Promises, and also Proverbs, and they are three different things. However there is this one particular Proverb that says raise up a child in the way he/she should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it. That is loose paraphrase, so that I don’t get too churchy for some of you, and there is a lot there in that one verse. First of all it’s a Proverb, so something that is usually true, but not always, so it’s not a promise. And when it says in the way that they should go, refers to a knowledge and reverent fear of God, and who He is. So this verse refers to or makes a reference to some sort of an investment been made at an earlier age or time, as in a seed planting. I’m completely aware of the numbers that over sixty percent of kids will leave or walk away from their faith in the first two years in college or away from home. At some point your faith has to be tested and truly become your own and not what your mom and dad tells you it should be. I have been there myself, I’m a former prodigal and I can’t tell you the profound joy of it becoming my own. I have faith, and my son is a great kid and I trust that the chain will continue.
Until next time ✌️
Sandy The Southerner

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