Once again welcome to Not The Only One. I sometimes have strange thoughts, they could be in a series of thoughts or a one off. When you read the title, and your mind ran to that weird place , and you thought surely not, he is not talking about sex. Well.. yes , I am. I think as a whole, most people are a little put off by the thought of sex for sale, or money exchanged for certain services. Regardless of your take or thought process about sex workers, at the end of the day, they are just people, just like everyone else, just trying to scratch out a living or an existence. It is very easy for us to take the moral high ground and to look down on hookers, sex phone operators, exotic dancers and the like. Someone is keeping them employed , and I seriously doubt that it is their coworkers :):).There are probably very few people who are in the industry that found that to be their first choice in life, but there may be some. This post popped in my head on my way to church on a Sunday morning, which should maybe make you wonder, what I was involved with on the previous Saturday evening. We will double back to that later. The title is a fair statement and I have never paid for sex….or have I? In the traditional sense of it no, but my brain often runs to some odd ball views and this is one of those times. I’m not going to be one of those people who cast a disparaging light on to marriage. I whole heartily believe in the institution of marriage, after all, I have done it more than once, and truth be told, I’d love to be married again, but with just a better outcome than the previous adventures. This is not another attempt to place marriage in the same category as legalized prostitution. There have been many who have made that argument, and some with such eloquence are fineness , that it could get those who merely see marriage as business contract to consider it as valid. I am not one of those individuals but there was a time in my life when I could consider the legitimacy of that argument. The whole scheme of things gets messy with what is the value of a stay at home mom, and now days just seems completely ludicrous with women working out of the home and often out earning their male counterparts. We also have the phenomenal of the stay at home dad, I can kind of see it, but for the most part, I’m thinking, don’t get me started. I remember one particular dry spot in my marriage, looking back the first of many :):), where I wish that we could have made sex into a transactional exchange. Yep, sign me up for the old pay as you go plan. I say this with tongue and cheek, but there were serious moments when I wish that it was an option. So now we get into a real vicarious place, because we are talking about sex being used as a weapon or as a reward. Many women believe in with holding sex, because things aren’t playing out just as they believe they should be. I once had a serious issue with this until I got older an understood that for women, sex is just as much a mental thing as it is a physical thing for men. We start out from two completely different vantage points, but hopefully meet in the middle. Since I rediscovered my single years, I have found many women have rethought the whole concept of with holding sex as something that hurts them as well as their partner, and have considered other ways in which to display their discontent. Over all I believe that to be something associated with younger people, because as you get older, you realize what a special gift sex is, much like life and it shouldn’t be squandered. I think the longer that I remain a single guy, the more I become jade about the relationship process and on a serious note, I have considered completely opting out and doing the hermit lifestyle, maybe a little of the grid. Again, a little tongue and cheek. At my best , I thrive in a relationship, I believe that God created us for relationships, first with Himself and then with others. My sweet spot is in a monogamous relationship with a woman who gets me and appreciates me and all that I bring to the table. I’m not super special or a rock star, but with the right partner, you would think that I was. My love languages are touch and time, and when I’m receiving that, I would give my partner the sun and the moon. Of course this is a metaphor, but I can be extremely generous in so many ways, and we won’t say more about that. See, I’m a guy with old fashioned standards and morals, and some deeply held beliefs about faith, but also about interactions while dating, and that can also be a wife, so if you guys aren’t dating your significant other, you are dropping the ball and missing out. I still open car doors, pull out chairs, help with coats , and most importantly, I never ask the lady to pay. And of course there could be an exception for my birthday or something along those lines, and only if she offered. Ok, a little clarification, if you guys are a couple and have combined bank accounts, then it’s a no brainer. This is kind of the root of this post. I believed that I was in my sweet spot with Ms. Annomuis and I did invest heavily there. When I was doing my taxes, I was amazed by how much money I had spent in that relationship. And if you don’t get the connection with the taxes, I just run everything through my credit card and pay it off each month….reward points :):). And again its not about the money, its just an extension of how much you care for the person. We did have a romantic relationship, which had a level of intimacy to it. Ok, don’t jump ahead of me with the exchange of sex for money spent, that is not where I’m going, at least not yet. There is a principle at play here, which I have mentioned before and that is value people and relationships, over money, things, and accomplishments. What is the price for getting to know someone in a dating relationship? How do you assign a dollar amount to that? And for you brainiacs out there thinking, just go Dutch, I wasn’t raised that way. I want to say not my style, but I’m not sure that I have any style. I guess my brain is thinking how do you get here from there. I know, here and there , what am I talking about? There is this period of where you are dating, dinners , movies, and what nots, that you are investing and you don’t know the outcome of your investment, as is there any ROI?. This is where you are paying for services, no, it’s not sex, but your dinning or whatever is compensating them for their time. This is a gray area for me in my head, and I guess we file it under the cost of doing business, or getting to know someone. And I know some of you have gone back to Ms. Annomuis, but I want to say that was different, because we had an instant connection. I knew from the first moment that I hugged her, that she was the “ONE”. I know that may sound crazy or odd, but I did, I just knew!. So, now some of you want to know if I believe in love at first sight. Well, yes I do, but I believe that it is extremely rare. I believe that part of it is people have these amazing fronts that they put up, as to whom they want you to believe that they are, but the truth normally follows some where down the road. Ok, so let’s get back on track. I have met some pretty incredible women since I’ve been dating and some recently. Unfortunately the bar has been set pretty high and I don’t know that anyone could possibly measure up. Ok, here’s an analogy. You were married for almost 30 years to the same person and you believe that this person was your soul mate and was most definitely the love of your life. You guys spent a ton of time together and just clicked at a high level. Kids or no kids, doesn’t matter, because you all just completed each other. Same sense of humor, liked the same foods, music, anything that mattered you guys were close on it. You had each other’s back, supported through listening, foot and back rubs, or whatever was required. So you guys are this super power couple, and all of a sudden it was taken away by a car crash or a heart attack. How would you ever find someone to measure up to that?. I think you have the picture. So, I’m conflicted, I don’t believe that there is a replacement for Ms. Annomuis, and at the same time I don’t want there to be. This has been a cowardly approach to dating because my heart is not into it. The first lady that I went out with, she picked up on it immediately, but she has become a solid friend and a great sounding board. She was a rare find and very intuitive. There has probably not ever been a better example of going through the motions than this. So, it’s been like a version of speed dating, most have been very interested, but the return is just not there. So, this is where I’m paying for it. It’s not sex, and it’s only been one kiss, because she caught me off guard. I’m purchasing breakfasts, lunches and dinners to stifle the pain. I’m not really looking for companionship, because I play well by myself and can become quite self absorbed. When I look at it from objective point of view, it’s really not fair to the ladies because I’m completely uninterested. They all see something in me that was totally rejected by Susan. I feel like a secret service agent tracking down counterfeit 20s or hundred dollar bills, they just aren’t the original or genuine article. So , bottom line is, I have paid for it, it’s just not sex. Ok….Saturday night, I was out with a very sweet kindergarten teacher, who has been putting in a lot of effort, and is probably beginning to wonder if I’m gay:):). The post was promoted by me wondering why I’m wasting so much of my money and their time.
