Howdy!, and once again I say welcome. In recent years we have all become more familiar with the terms pandemic and epidemic. It speaks to something that is spiraling in a non positive direction. Sometimes we encounter things that have a surprising by product to it. Early gasoline production was a by product of the fuel they use to use to light the street lamps in major metropolitan cities back in the day. I have been on a few dating sites, as most people have, trying to find that illusive one. The laughable thing here is that the majority of people on dating sites are people who have already said I do to someone in their past. They wanted to be single or at least free from the one that they had previously made vows with. We all have baggage at this stage of life, but many can’t face up to or own their garbage. When I say all have baggage, I mean all. The never married, the divorcee, and yes even the widows. Its different for all, but all have something hanging up in the closet. ☺️☺️When you are alone at this stage of life , it is slightly different for a various number of reasons. These reasons vary from the dating pool just being smaller as people die out or die off. People at this stage of life are less likely to change, so a little set in their ways. It’s is almost as if we revert back to our childhood and are less likely to share . The sharing can be anything from time, to space, to shared interests. It’s extremely ironic that on one hand we say that we are looking for someone to share our lives with , but do very little to open our hearts and minds up past , what works for us. I guess that also makes us selfish as well. I understand that many of us have been on our own for a significant amount of time, and on some level have become quite comfortable with the status quo. If we are searching, then we want more and know that there is more, but the formula illudes us and grows in complexity with each passing day. I am by no means suggesting that I have the solution here, but I have been an observer from all sides of the puzzle. There are times that are worse than others, it could be as we see other couples out holding hands doing a little Christmas shopping. It maybe as you walk into a worship service alone, and it seems as if you are surrounded by couples of all ages and many with family by their sides. Even the simplest of things, such as going to a movie alone, or partaking in a meal at a dine in restaurant. I have noticed that many of us have given up on eating healthy or cooking all together, just because it is easier to hit a drive thru, and scarf down something in the car on the way home after a long day at work. When we do break down and grocery shop, we find that some of what we purchase is a waste of funds,, because it expires before we get through it. Some of us push through or try to cover up the loneliness by diving into our work, or by investing heavily in to our grandchildren. Still there are others who don’t have that luxury , due to retirement or other factors, such as no children, or their children choosing not to invest in kids of their own. Many will seek the path of travel and choosing to see the world, and while there are a great many options , this can also be a lonely endeavor. Still others may find themselves starting inadvertently ,careers on Facebook ☺️☺️or combing through endless dating profiles on a lonely Friday or Saturday night. I think sometimes we sabotage ourselves by being to closed off, or unavailable, other than , on our terms and on our timetable. We may choose to watch a sporting event over giving that time to someone else. I get that we all have priorities, but they may need to be occasionally reviewed and possibly changes made if we are serious about not being alone, at what use to be considered the ” golden years”. Earlier, I spoke of things that are a byproduct of other things. In my quest, I have met some wonderful people. Many of them are exactly where I find myself, looking but not finding that needle in a hay stack. The byproduct for me has been, while in the search of the one ,I have made a few new friends, some I have had personal contacts with, and others, not so much! The prerequisite for friendship has become about those few , who have chosen to be open and vulnerable . They have allowed me to peer in and share in their pains and struggles, and to point blank to let you know that they don’t have it all together and that life can be hard at times. I have been cautious not to over sale and under deliver, and what I mean by that is, those dating suspects who want you to think that they have it all together , when they don’t. The point is none of us do. I spoke of epidemic and the one that I am referring to is the vast level of lonely people in the world. This is found at every demographic, race, age, social economic, or whatever the category you wish to measure it by. There is a vast number of lonely people spread out over the landscape. I have a friend who has two adult sons, and incase you are unaware of this fact, boys are different from girls. Men aren’t usually nurturing, at least not on the same level with women. So, as she is aging, she is keenly aware of her son’s lack of interest in being there for their mom. Men usually go where ever the woman in their life goes. Reader, pay attention if you have sons, you might want to try extra hard to be good and friendly with your daughter in laws. ☺️☺️ This very same friend, reached out on a weekend night, all alone and in the pit of mire and self pity. She had settled for a relationship with a man, who wasn’t respectful and didn’t treat her nice, and the kicker for her was, that in addition to the baggage, the sex was bad☺️, and now she is weighing that against being alone. You would think on the surface, it would be an obvious choice, but I have learned to never judge unless you are prepared to walk some miles in their shoes. Things are never as convenient as we would like for them to be and being alone can play havoc with your mind. One can feel unlovable, undesirable, and when you are isolated, the brain can run to some pretty dark places. Often times I feel for people who seek after and try to find fulfillment in social media. It’s like one of the worst things ever. Many people have friends and followers, and have no idea of who is on the other end of that connection. Sometimes it is like they are performing for an anonymous audience and they get paid or rewarded through likes , that good old thumbs up ��. I think some of the saddest for me are the ” celebrities “. In a previous post I spoke about influencers and some of these pseudo personalities. They aren’t famous for making some great contribution, but they are just famous for the whole purpose of being famous. I don’t want to paint a gloomy picture here, but by some estimates up to sixty percentage of our adult population lives alone and has meals alone on a regular basis, so their norm. This statistic is based on the western culture, which has more influence and expendable income, so less likely to share living space out of necessity. This goes far beyond eating meals alone and having no one to snuggle with. When people spend more than eight hours a day alone, it can present mental health issues, which will often manifest itself in physical ways. I have a new friends out in Tennessee who was asking me about reconciling holiness in our lives. I first believes that speaks to integrity . The things we see, say ,and do when no one else is around. I’m not going to call anyone out here , because most of us have something, that could be considered a secret sin or indiscretion. Some of them may seem harmless, but what I have come to discover is that we don’t live in a vacuum. The Bible says that no man is an island unto themselves. So, whether it’s over eating on comfort food, definitely guilty of that one, or it could be a dozen of other things, from drugs, drinking, watching porn, and even benge watching an Inoculus show, which can lead to inactivity and probably not keeping our minds sharp. I’m not trying to hit all of the hot buttons, but if you just sit around and comb social media and are envious of others in your critique of them , then that is something that can lead to bitterness . We allow things in our lives in these alone moments that make ourselves let’s attractive to ourselves and to others as well. How did we get here? Oh, yeah, being alone. I’m not a big proponent of people’s self esteem, but it comes into play as to how we see ourselves. I think that we need to know our worth, but it helps if it’s supported by others in our lives . I’m not referring to egomaniacs, or people who have so much self confidence that it comes across as arrogance brandished with pride and their heads can hardly make it through the door way. There should be a healthy balance between that and thinking of yourself as trash or damaged goods. I have gone on the record that I’m not moved much by words of affirmation, but who doesn’t like to hear that they are loved?. That is affirming, so I guess I’m going to have to make an exception. Those three little words are so important to children, so I hope that is something you are spreading around a lot if you have kiddos. When we live alone we don’t get that, and it doesn’t have to be expressed verbally, but just some one doing a kind act, such as putting a blanket on you after you fall asleep In the recliner. Covid super charged an already not high quality of life when it comes to us connecting with others. I’m not sure that we will ever recover from years of social distancing .I have heard people express that they just ache from the loneliness. The mental health of Americans hangs in the balance. If you have been to almost any health professional, no matter what there field of expertise is, they are being encouraged to ask patients questions about mental health. It’s a little odd to have your optometrist ask you if you are thinking about hurting yourself, probably a little more appropriate from a dentist ☺️☺️. I jest, but for many it is a real consideration and if you don’t believe me, try and get an appointment with a psychological professional and see if they can get you in the office sooner than ninety days, hope you can hold out that long. The suicide rate is at some of its highest levels in history, and you may be surprised or alarmed by those numbers when it comes to our armed forces. There is just such an air of hopelessness, seems in no matter which direction you turn. There is another thing that we should bring into play here. I often say that think are a two edged sword, but perhaps a little milder maybe it’s a bitter sweet thing , and that is pets. First of all, I want to say thank God for those who have them and they help in the field of companionship. I have met people who have credited their pets with amazing accomplishments, up to and included saving their lives. We all know that people who have pets live longer than those who don’t. There are also therapy dogs who make the rounds at the hospital and nursing homes. I would be remised if I didn’t mention the ever growing trend of emotionally support animals, and yes in sometimes bizarre world the emotional support animals have an emotional support animal for themselves, which I think is just silly, but its about whatever works for you I guess☺️☺️. I said bitter sweet, because to some these animals represent way more than a pet that you throw the Frisbee to. Some refer to them as their kids, and many sleep in the same bed with them. My caution here is that they can’t take the place of human interaction. Are animals usually more trust worthy than people, ? absolutely, but they aren’t going to dial 911 for you, do chest compressions or give you mouth to mouth. Yes, bitter sweet, but please don’t completely loose focus of reality. I need to wrap this up, even though I only got half way through my notes ☺️☺️,,I don’t really have notes, but could have said a lot more and could have been much more gloomy with illustrations to match, but no need for that. I don’t want to leave this on a down note, so let’s see if we can find that silver lining. I know that we live in a crazy world and we never know who to trust ,because now we have eighty-five year old grannies packing heat, guns for the less cool☺️☺️. However, I believe that we are all mostly capable of sharing a smile and saying hello to someone that we don’t know. I’m not going to get into comfort zones, but Im just saying ,you will get out of it, what you invest, and if you invest nothing, then you should expect nothing in return. There are way to many charities to get involved with to be sitting home alone, and we are at our best when we are serving others, because we aren’t focused on self. There are also countless opportunities to mentor youth, perhaps if you invested and got to know them, then you wouldn’t be so afraid of them when you see them out wearing a hoodie. Yes, there has always been and always will be unfriendly people in the world and I suggest that you pray for them as you try to navigate around them in avoidance ☺️☺️☺️. Now I want to talk about a super power that some of us possess, but not all. That super power is the Holy Spirit , which indwells all believers. If you are a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, then you are never truly alone, some of you will get that, while others will be thinking….what!!!. The body of Christ is supposed to be the hands and feet of Christ, that being said… Many years ago I had a Bible teacher by the name of Ralph Smith, he was a West Point graduate, so the utmost respect for him. He said something over thirty years ago that I thought was so profound and that was that from time to time we all need someone to be “Jesus with skin on,” just let it set in and think about it , if you get it great, if you don’t, you can ask me for an explanation. Remember if you are a child of the king then you are never truly alone.
