- Not The Only One!
- Post #75
- 13 Apr 23
- ” Bullet Proof “
- Howdy!
- Thanks again for popping in for a fresh edition of, let’s see what pops up! . If you think that this has anything to do with Kevlar , or anything to do with firearms at all ,then you must be new to the show, and I would like to welcome you into the blog….welcome!. So this one was kicked off , by a friend of mine, by the name of Joy. Every second Sunday of the month, I get to serve at the coffee bar at my church. It’s a four man team, so I get to work with Joy and her husband Tom, and a retired marine by the name of James, who is still a full go, as a marine, even though he has been out for a few years, early forties. We have rush times, but during the services, things slow down a bit and we get to chat and catch up. Tom and Joy have four adult sons, and I believe the last one graduates from college next year. Tom and Joy are probably closing in on forty years of marriage. Joy is a high school teacher and Tom retired early a few years back, and then decided to start a little landscaping business, just to keep himself busy, which has grown into a monster. He now employs a team of people, and he says that it’s all word of mouth referrals, and he has a hard time telling people NO!☺️☺️. So as we are joking around, Joy and I end up in a conversation about personality types, and how her and Tom balance one another out, and I believe that to be true for most successful marriages. Then the conversation moves on to the off spring and who takes after whom. So, the way Joy tells it , Tom is kind of authoritative ,and I guess she considers herself more laid back , and she really is the social butterfly type. Some how we land on son number three, and about some of his life style choices, and of course since misery loves company, so I add my son to the mix.☺️ There is just something about having been around the block a few time , to get you to a point, to say, this is probably not going to end well ☺️☺️. I mean to be honest, it’s probably a generational thing, where we think that our parents are dumb as a rock,, or at least out of touch with reality. There is just something about knowing way better than our much more experienced parents. This mentality is partially what makes us ” Bullet Proof”,, and if not that, then something pretty close to being the Teflon kid. So the folks aren’t real happy with his choice in a dating partner, and I have been there, done that, and brought a T shirt myself ☺️☺️. His girlfriend is setting of red flags for mom, and she just cringes at the thought of her possibly being thought of as daughter in law material. I want to say, just incase any of you guys out there are on the engagement track, you marry the whole family ,it’s not just your fiance, but the whole kitten kaboodle, so make sure that you see it all, and as much as you can, before saying those “I dos”. Well, kid number three graduated from college and landed a supremo job, which I understand that he enjoyed and had a promising future as far as upward mobility was concerned. I don’t remember Joy saying how the two met, but sometime after they were dating for a while, he quit his job and went to work for the new girlfriend’s father…red flag number one. This is the personification of sticking your pen in the company’s ink ☺️☺️. Relationships in and at the work place are almost always a bad idea, and with the boss’s daughter is a double whammy. Red flag number two is that she is high maintenance and very much spoiled and use to having and getting her way. As a general rule, people who are use to getting their way all of the time are not usually known as people who are willing to make compromises or to meet someone half way. I believe the word that sprang forth from Joy’s mouth was intitled. I believe like most good mom’s, Joy tried to point out the pitfalls of that being who she is, he could only expect more of the same or for it to become worst. People don’t usually change when they are trending in a particular direction. I mean in the grand scheme of things, her son could be making far worse decisions than these, but it goes to the the foundational truths of what the relationship is going to be built upon and the longevity of what it will extrapolate out to in the future. When she sees some of the interactions between the two of them, it’s pretty bad. She points it out to her son and he counters with, but when it’s good mom, it’s really good. I was thinking, have I ever been there? You know one of those toxic relationships, that runs from one extreme to the other, ….oh yeah, you bet!. I also remember that being code for the sex being pretty hot and outstanding. Guys will put up with a lot in a relationship if the sex is hot. The problem is that it is not sustainable. At , some point you will figure out that it is not worth all of the drama that comes along with it. The truth is you will come to understand that you can get what you need somewhere else without the emotional roller coaster. We all for the most part know certain things about our kids that they can’t always see about themselves. Joy knows that her son sees some of the dysfunction, but he also believes that he can save her from herself and who she is on tract to become. This is a quality that is much more associated with women. They think that they can change a guy ,or rescue him from some emotional baggage of his past. Nothing like a good old project,! and all I can say to that is, good luck with that ,because Your going to need it. I can’t even begin to tell you how many people I’ve known over the years that have died on that hill. This is just an extension of that Bullet Proof mentality of being invincible. When we are young, we have the world by the tail. We have that bright light in our eyes and most things are seen as an opportunity for us to change the world. The point his mom wants him to get is that compatibility is important, and I have had this very same conversation with my son .I think on some level , certain people take on the characteristics of a chameleon and they want to blend in and be what the other person needs. This is a great quality to have, but if it goes against who you are at your core, it will be disastrous or lead to loose yourself in that relationship. I have seen this first hand in my life, and also in my son’s life. He has recently broken up from a decade long relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, and everyone could see that except him, not a good place to be. He took on just about all her identity, until one day he didn’t recognize the person standing in front of the mirror. Is it true that there is someone out there for everyone?, I think for the most part that is true if we want to exhaust ourselves with finding just right ratio of crazy, but not to crazy ☺️☺️. That equation is different for each and everyone of else. We are all a little weird in some way, and we just have to find the person who has a similar amount of weirdness for it to be a match. Again compatibility is important, I think as we get older and the light in our eyes is not as bright as it once was, we are much more eager to say , that this is not my circus ☺️☺️.I mean as you get more experienced and hopefully wiser, you should be able to see through some of the camouflage of people’s wounds and scars. The Bullet Proof mentality goes way past the point of matters of the heart. It truly is a full blown life style as to pushing the limits of our minds and bodies, without much thought as to the consequences of our actions and decisions, may cause us, let alone other people. There is a reason why the military recruits young men and women, they have that gun ho mindset that believes they can make it happen. As we go through life and experience the pains of failure and disappointment, we become more reserved and less resilient at the same time. We become much more thought provoking as to what we will invest our resources in, as in time and energies. I mean if you have ever found yourself saying to yourself that you had wished that you learned some lesson in life many moons ago, or wishing that you could go back in time , but be able to take all of the knowledge and wisdom with you that you have now , then you have experienced the concept of working smarter and not harder. I think as agents of the bullet proof, we only know of one way and that is with the throttle wide open. Sometimes it’s work at a ridiculous level as we try to establish ourselves in some field of expertise. We may forgo the basics of eating properly, exercise and getting proper rest. It may sound a bit sarcastic or even morbid, but there will be plenty of time for resting when I’m dead and gone. It’s not just in our dating choices and the work environments that we create, but it can be permeated through family life as well. If your career prevents you from taking time off to go home and visit your parents or close friends, that you had from high school or college, then you may be sacrificing the very support system that you will need to draw on , when you hit that wall, or are experiencing burn out. Bullet Proof doesn’t just plague us as young singles, it also wreaks havoc during the years of raising children. If you are one of those people who has a calendar on the wall, just trying to maintain and keep up with all of your kids activities, which days are soccer practice and which days are games, ballet recitals, piano lessons, karate lessons and whatever else, you determined that your child may need to be well rounded, then you are living the Bullet Proof life style on a treadmill ☺️☺️. I have the ultimate question for you, when was the last time you guys all set down around the dinner table, cell phones off, made eye contact with one another, had a meal together and enjoyed some conversation together? I want to give you parcel credit for having dinner together, but if there is a single cell phone at the table, then someone is checking out. I think that Joy’s thought was wouldn’t it just be great if you could Just some how open your kids heads up and pour knowledge in. Indeed that would be awesome, and solve some problems, but probably create others than we hadn’t given much thought to, and besides we know that life doesn’t work that way and we all have to walk through this journey of life and figure out what works for us and what falls into the not so much category. There is just something about being or believing that we are bullet proof, that has us thinking we have all of this figured out, even when it goes against the prevailing winds of conventional wisdom. I think at some point we have all been there at some point, where we think certain things don’t apply to us, or we will circumvent the system with our superior intellect. I mean there have been great innovations uncovered by individuals wanting to find another way of accomplishing something that has been a long time standard, such as a better mouse trap. There are just somethings that are time tested and never failing. I think that we have done all of the social experiments with families and children and nothing has even come close to kids being raised by the two parent dynamic in a loving home. I mean if we are going to look at what has proven to be time tested over and over again, then we must acknowledge that Father Time is undefeated and if that is true, then we must further accept and acknowledge that none of us are bullet proof, no not one! I mean we burn for what is actually a very short period of time. Some burn extremely bright as in the lime light, perhaps a pop star of some sort. There have even been game changers such as Alexander Bell, or the Steve Jobs of the world. There have been people who have amassed great amounts of wealth and fame, and even perhaps political power, but they all eventually burn out, and the light that once shown so brightly is no more. We live at a pace that cannot be maintained until the end, and it may be the most extreme of all cliches, but we need to stop and smell the flowers. We take so much for granted and make so many assumptions that we just ot not to make. None of us know the exact amount of time allotted to us, but sometimes makes plans as if we will go on forever, but none of us do. I have been once again reminded that all of our lives are unfinished symphonies. The music plays until it stops and the toiling ceases and the symphony in all of its brilliance is suddenly silent and no more. I always try not to leave on a down note. The hope is to always leave them wanting more. This started with the concerns of a mother for her poor unexpected son of the pitfalls that are waiting to devour him in life. I want to say that youth is not always synonymous with lack of experience and wisdom or good judgment, but we have to ask ourselves, what is the source for that, and where does it come from. In actuality many times it is from our parents if we aren’t to proud to admit that we don’t have it all figured out, or at the same time discount the years of wisdom that God has granted to them. So this started with a mom, but it ends with a Dad, as in a loving heavenly Father. The giver of the lives that we choose to do various things with, some good and some not so much! I will always stress the importance of a personal relationship with God, because He is the giver of it all, and I mean all, from your next breath to your ability to earn a living and support a family. We are not bullet proof, but God through His son, has made a full proof way for you to enjoy eternity with Him ,once your symphony ceases to play here, and they all come to an eventual end.
- Till Next Time ✌️ Peace!
- Sandy The Southerner
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