Welcome aboard once again. I just hope that this one makes some kind of sense to someone other than myself ☺️☺️. First up , I've never considered myself the talk of the town or anything else. Recently, I was talking to someone, who was sharing the blog with a third party and they were asked what I wrote about, or how would they classify my subject matter. The person told them that they thought that I mostly wrote about relationships. I thought to myself, OH Wow !. Before I moved on and asked myself if I agreed with that or not, I had a morbid thought about how would I be remembered. I think that I've touched on eulogies before, and how looking back maybe one of the most sincere and objective ways of viewing someone's life, because at that point , it's kind of all in the record books , kind of sorta. This may have already taken a turn away from my original intent . Let's see if I can maybe loop back around and see if this fits in , at all ☺️.
This very same friend was talking about how they had , had a mental breakthrough, while speaking to a colleague, which just happens to be a psychiatrist. I guess we are who we are, even in our casual conversations ☺️. Try and remember that I said a colleague and not their actual therapist 🙃. There conversation reminded me a little bit of some of my encounters with my elderly mother. My mom in her late eighties keeps a pretty busy social calendar for someone of her age, and that's a blessing that she is still so out going, but sometimes it comes across as she is running from death and if she doesn't keep moving, that it will catch up with her ☺️. Again another turn away from original intent. What I meant to say was that , I can see her get frustrated when she has so much going on , that she just can't get it all in. There is something at play in the background and she just can't put her finger on it, but she wants to get it all in and just can't, so she gets frustrated.
My friend had just recently entered into a fairly new relationship and their colleague inquired as to how it was going, and that's when the fireworks began to fly☺️☺️. I'm just not a sharer of personal information, so I couldn't really ever see myself as a part of such a conversation or scenario, but the two of them ventured there☺️. She replied that it was so far, so good....except in this one tiny area, that had become a big deal ☺️☺️. Apparently her new partner in crime has a few lady friends. He hasn't kept them a secret from her , and as she talks about trust and transparency, one of his contacts really sets her off, and it's become a point of contention in the relationship. There is potentially a lot going on here, from the newness of the relationship, to her just wanting him to jettison this person from his life, since they are a fairly new edition to his life as well. There have been more than a few conversations about this person, and in spite of his willingness to set her at ease, something just gnaws at her conscious about this one particular person. Enter in from stage left , a professional, who sees these kinds of situations almost on a daily basis.
The colleague asked a few probing questions to attempt to see if there is something going on , beyond what is on the surface. After all it's a new relationship, and the guy is mostly likely some kind of creep, or even worse....a player. ☺️She says that she really likes this guy and has pretty strong emotions for him , which could indicate blind spots. He's been pretty up front with her, even to offer her full access to his phone anytime and anywhere. Seems that phones holds a plethora of information about what is going on in ones life. The psychiatrist only has access to one side of the information, so he chooses to work with what he has at hand. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't the obvious choice for mistrust issues, but often past wounds and hurts will lurk in the shadows and corners of our minds. A good therapist is often moved by certain tale tales signs, that people aren't aware that they are showing off. This friend has been married and divorced and insist that she has done the work to heal and deal with past brokenness. They are saying no past trauma, or issues of abuse. How about daddy issues? Nope , really good relationship with her dad, so let's throw that one out. When the council moved in the area of betrayal a big alarm went off, just like a tsunami was about to hit the coast☺️☺️. I wasn't really aware of women's ability to compartmentalize like men do, but ding, ding, we have an exception ☺️. She remembered and confessed that she did have a relationship, which was totally characterized by betrayal. The person that she had been involved with died, and there was never anything ever even close to closure.
When I was younger, not so much a fan of therapy and psychological probing...OK, counseling ☺️☺️, but the years have softened me and I totally get it and see the benefits of it. Breakthroughs look different for all of us and sometimes hit us in the strangest of ways. I think that tough times in relationships often will trigger a fight or flight response in us , and we will choose to move into the uncomfortable spaces that require us to roll up our sleeves and do the work, or we will run, flee and just check out. The discomfort often leads to healing, strength and a stronger bonding in the relationship. It's the new areas of conquering something that was previously off putting, to giving the sense of accomplishment, like after working hard in the yard on a Saturday and just admiring all of your handy work.☺️ There is always a choice, and the alternative is the person who says no thank you to working through the problem. They will loop around and around with different partners , never seeing or knowing the accomplishment of a well manicured lawn .☺️ Just think of them as wet clothes in the washer who are always on the spin cycle and never having the water out to get into the dryer and be fluffy ☺️☺️. The analogy of the plane just circling, that never lands has just been used to much ☺️☺️.
I think my big take away from this example, is that sometimes we can do the work of working on ourselves before moving forward with a new partner, but that we may have other issues and concerns to work on other than the ones that we already did business with. I think that the central concern is to protect our hearts, and not to make similar not good choices that can leave us sidelined. I don't believe that we are taking things for granted , when we feel as if we have done the work, but we need to be aware that it can be something in addition to , and maybe even before the area that we think is responsible for PTSD. Still life moves on , and we can be so doubtful that healing could be possible , or just around the corner for us, if we chose to push through. We sometimes hold ourselves back , and we find ourselves in a mental prison of sorts, reliving a highlight reel of past failures, that only leads to more doubt of ourselves as to being able to make a well informed decision when it comes to who we should and who we should not allow in our lives. We don't trust ourselves or anyone else.
My belief is that sometimes we have to get to the end of ourselves. It's kind of like hitting rock bottom, and deciding to do a total overhaul of figuring out where we have been and how we contributed to or played a part in past fiascos. This is not about reinventing yourself as much as it is about being honest with yourself. Please don't take offense at this , but sometimes we need to figure out who we are. I mean really are , and not who we want to be when we grow up, ☺️or who we are trying to convince other people as to who we are. There are a lot of crazy people in the world, and most of us have had some kind of trauma in our lives. Very few get through life, as they say Scott free☺️. There is always choices in life and I'm full aware of the throwing in the towel syndrome. We don't say it or specify it in those terms, but we bury ourselves in our work, even if it's some kind of ministry, grandkids, and stepping on toes when it comes to pets and them taking a significant role in our lives. It's believing and buying into the lie that you either don't deserve love or are somehow unworthy of being loved.
This is not an abstract point of view for me. I know full well and first hand about needing a break through. I know about crushing rejection of people being on two different pages and someone just toying with your heart like it's a hot wheel car and just keeps slamming it into the wall. The very early days of this blog, will tell you that and leave no doubt, that we can sometimes get something in our heads that isn't true, and you just can't seem to find away to shake free of that. The human mind is a great mystery and the more we know about it, the more that we understand, just how little we know, and how much more depth there is to discover. The human mind holds just as many mysteries ,if not more than the depths of the oceans or even the most outter parts of space. I said that we sometimes get things in our head that just aren't true and we can't just seem to break free of those things, whatever they maybe. This one may be a clearing house for you as it was for me. So one of my breakthroughs was to come to understand that everyone who says that they love you, doesn't actually do. It's not always there fault, because they don't know or ever experienced love themselves, so how could they ever hope to give or share that with someone else. Don't hold on to something that was never there or was even worth holding on to a lie. Again, people's actions, not their words tell the truth of the story.
The revelation of Jesus Christ. The revelation is an unveiling of just how much God loves us , and it's all been demonstrated through actions, but also in words. It's kind of like trash talking in the sports arena. He said it, then He backed it up and made no apologies for loving in the most extravagant of ways. I don't know maybe that's the breakthrough that you need today, that will help bring everything into focus for you and to help you to stop believing things that just aren't true. God is not saying that you need to clean your life up before He will love you. Not ever, not now, or tomorrow or even the next day, He just loves you and He will never change His mind or give you reasons to doubt that. I think sometimes we are just to bound to what human love looks like and the expectations that come along with that. God is spirit and He doesn't love the way that we do with , all of our conditions. See!, to love someone, with the expectations of that love being returned, by definition, makes it conditional. God loves unconditionally and every day, people choose to ignore or reject that, yet He still just loves them and wants to be in a loving relationship with them that will last all through out eternity. There is no He loves me, He loves me not!, it's just love and it's freely given, and He wants you to receive it as a free gift. No jumping through hoops for God's approval.
A breakthrough is just that, it's seeing or understanding and believing something that was previously hidden or beyond our comprehension. Just like my friend from earlier had some hidden past pain, it coming into the light, brought freedom and clarity, that unlocked a new area in her relationship, that had previously been undisclosed to her. I'm a person who knows God, maybe not as well as I should, but He's not a total mystery or smoke screen to me☺️☺️, so I both struggle and wrestle with the idea of people just not knowing God at all, or how much He loves them and cares for them. It's like being blessed with an amazing inheritance, that you just keep running from, so you never receive it, or get to enjoy it with all of the blessings of everything that comes along with it, and it's just mind blowing. Some breakthroughs are hard fought, but they don't have to all be or always be.
We will clean our cars , our living spaces, but way to often neglect all of the clutter that accumulates in our minds and sometimes our hearts as well. Perhaps it's time to do a little house keeping and throwing out some of the junk that's be holding us back and hostage for far to long. Have your very own personal breakthrough, by taking the opportunity to understand just how much God loves you. He proved His love for you on a cross, where His blood ran down and if there was ever a drop the mic situation, that one has just been echoing through the centuries.
