- NOT THE ONLY ONE !
- POST # 33
- “Behind The Curve”
- Howdy! Hey, gang thanks again for checking your in box. My mind is prone to wonder on so many fronts, and sometimes in odd ball perspectives. I was wondering if any of you guys remember back in the day when a teacher would grade on a curve? I can’t remember a specific situation, but it seemed to be when the majority of the class did poor on a test or exam. Even some of the sharp kids didn’t do well, but of course, it’s always has to be that one or two who seem to knock it out of the park. When the majority doesn’t do well, I think it maybe makes the teacher doubt or reexamine their process on this one particular case. Behind the curve means that you aren’t where you should be, or not in the average or trending upward. I remember some of my high school days , even though it was over 40 years ago. I will reflect on a class reunion many years later, and while at the bar, I ran into one of those super hot girls from high school, that just seemed unattainable then, but as we are older now, with more self confidence, you strike up a conversation and do a little reminiscing. She was the girl who most wouldn’t dare approach because of her hotness and we made ourselves feel better by telling ourselves that she was probably dating some college guy, and that she was out of our league anyway. The conversation at the bar painted a much different picture as to how she had esteem issues, because no one ever did step up and ask her out. She figured that there must be something wrong with herself and couldn’t figure out what it was. I guess we could write it off as a misunderstanding or a missed opportunity, but it basically came down to perception. Most of us thought that she had way more going on then she actually did. This isn’t probably the best example of being behind the curve, but its the one that first popped into my head. So, less make it a little more personal. I have always been one of those people, that people thought had way more going on than I actually did .I’m not trying deceive anyone, but it probably has more to do with how I carry myself, confidently , or maybe even the way I can carry on a conversation. There have been many things contributed to me, that I don’t think I have the nerve to fathom. Don’t get me wrong, I have done, said and participated in a bunch of idiotic things through the years, just not some of the ones a credited to me, and when you try to deny it or correct their presumptions, it come across as being modest, or not kissing and telling, which I definitely don’t do. I always saw it as immature to brag about conquest. Let’s just say if I was one of those kids having sex with the hot school teacher, I would have taken that to the grave with me, and no one would have been any the wiser, after all, why mess up a good thing and her career at the same time, enough said about that. I have encountered people on multiple occasions who have thought me to be a ladies man , or the ” player”, and nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, I have dated a bunch before I was married and some since my divorce, but nothing on the level that people want to believe about me. I will say that I have learned the hard lesson of being caught up between two or more women at a time, did that in my youth ,and I would like to accredit that to women being more cunning than men, women just own it. Perhaps me being a little gullible at times, and there is always getting caught up in past emotions. Nevertheless some things did happen and I allowed it for one reason or the other, being it selfish or just horny, take your pick there. I will take responsibility for my actions and have learned some major life lessons along the way, such as , don’t get involved with people from work, can become very sticky and awkward. That may seem like a no brainer, but not so much when you are young and have more testosterone than you know what to do with. :)I have also learned the importance openness or transparency and the need for good communication skills. There are other things that I have learned along the way, but that is not what we are here for. We are here because I find myself behind the curve. So we are going to talk about my deficiencies. I haven’t always been one of those people who try to see the glass as half full, or to see and believe the best in others, however that has been a change in my life, that came along with maturing. I even think that people who have been convicted of crimes , must have some redeeming qualities unless they are a complete psychopath. I will go as far as to say that I trust most people until they give me a reason not to trust them. Some of you by now, have to be wondering where I am going with all of this. Well, in one of my much earlier post I talked about how dating had changed while I was married for all those years, and I don’t think that any one can deny that. So, I’m thinking on the back side of things, there must be some rules of engagement, either spoken or unspoken that I’m completely unaware of. You know like in baseball, they have those stupid unwritten rules that you are just supposed to know, like if the pitcher hits the batter with a pitch, then you know when the opposing team gets on the mound, then they are just going to return the favor. I know that people say and do things online that most would never have the nerve to say face to face. People online are , shall we say less than genuine, which I find extremely ironic since they are trying to find some kind of a partner or mate , and many are thinking or saying till the end. Let’s face it at this stage of life, you never know when that may be. I’m looking at this through the lens of my time that I spent with Ms. Annomuis, and I’m beginning to think that I may have been to hard on her, and it’s all because I was unaware that I was supposed to be shallow and tell people what they expect to hear. I’m beginning to think that the only winners out here are the people who own the websites and raking in the money ,and that the rest of us just engaging in a game of cat and mouse, and you really don’t want to be the mouse. Let’s see what I have learned or observed. Number one, you should always just know, not assume, but know that they are talking to a number of other people, and that number will vary based on their ability to juggle and multi-task. You should further know that there is a lot more going on than they are sharing with you. There is also, almost on a weekly basis that you will have conversations with people from different parts of the country about getting together, that will disappear quicker than the morning fog. I have been amazed as to how some have a system for this. Some are very direct, while with others it can be a slow painful process, because you can carry on intelligent conversation, while many men are missing that from there arsenal. You should further know that loyalty is a lost art form, when it comes to dating. I think some have gone back to that old Isleys Brothers song, ” love the one your with” , even if it is not the right person for them .People will chat you up from out of the middle of nowhere for a week or two, or maybe even a month, and then vanish, as if abducted by body snatchers. And of course the scammers, what a way to scratch out an existence, by taking advantage of the lonely, and sometimes elderly or highly vulnerable. People like to be flattered and that seems to be their number one go to. I say all of this because I was completely unaware of the process of playing your cards close to your vest and learning the art of bluffing. There is such dishonesty and deceit in online dating that I’m amazed that there are ever any real success stories. It’s almost as if we revert back to being children again and people want to hammer you with their accomplishments and possessions. Talking about completely missing the point. People at this point in life have become extremely selfish and everything is about themselves. I don’t know how anyone can navigate these murky waters, in the current climate. I must confess that I find it a little alarming that the baby boomers have taken this stance, especially the ones who never invested in family themselves , such as having kids, of their own. Again our kids watch us, so some of them are observing their parents lackadaisical approach to committed relationships, and they may take the same approach to taking care of them when the time comes. So, the greatest generation, may have given birth to most selfish generation. I’m not wired that way, I don’t know how to superficially invest in a relationship or to half heartily make commitments that I have no intention in following through with. I think Ms. Annomuis gave me a speed course in this, but its just something that I can’t sign on for. It’s almost like a shell game, except there is nothing under any of the shells. People need to just fess up , if they want to play around, or sleep around, or whatever it is that they are doing, that is something less than a committed relationship. If you are just looking for companionship, then you should say that and not waste people’s time and energy , when you have no intentions of being anything more than a part time fling. If you go to the urban dictionary and look up to curve someone it means to reject them and to veer away from their romantic gestures in a non confrontational way or Aka ghosting, which Ms. Annomuis also had down to a science. Well , In case you aren’t getting the picture here, I was the mouse. This one is completely on me and people like me , who were unaware of the rules of engagement at this phase of life. I think some have missed their calling in life as career politicians or that used car salesman, who makes a living off of selling clunkers as reliable automobiles. This is a place that I can’t follow suit with, on my worse days I don’t believe that I could stoop to that level. I think my choice is to remain behind the curve. Whatever happened to treating people the way that you want to be treated, ? and perhaps that is hitting the nail on the head. Perhaps someone has treated them in this manner, and they believe that it is except able behavior. It is completely true that people who have been abused , become abusers themselves. Hurting people, hurt other people. The buck stops here with me , I refuse to conduct myself in such a careless and noncaring way. As ,people in our fifties and beyond, we need to do a much better job, with our treatment of others, and learn to more clearly to express our intentions and what it is we are actually seeking. If it’s a booty call, then say that, there are other people out there seeking like kind, but don’t dress it up and call it love , when it couldn’t be anything further from the truth. Yes, a little bit of hateoraide, and I’m not apologizing for it.
- Till next time , peace !
Sandy The Southerner
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Love it!Good one!Thanks for sharing.Send
