“After The Love Has Gone”

• Not The Only One!!
• Post #164
• 27  Nov 24  
• • ” After The Love Has Gone”
• Howdy!
• Thanks for checking  in  and being  there. I’m not really  sure what I said the last time out, but lots of feedback.  No!, not all positive, but I  can’t  hope to grow and mature as a writer  without  taking  it all in, so I’m grateful for  all of it, and that’s all I’m going to  say about that☺️
• I’m not real  sure  when  it was, and I’m going to  play the lazy card on this one. I  will  just  say back in the day, probably  somewhere in  the late, late seventies or  early  eighties  to mid eighties .Earth  Wind and  Fire had a song by the name of ” After The  Love Is Gone”. It was  a  pretty  ballad with  insightful  lyrics , on when  love has gone wrong and  for some, terribly  wrong ! ☺️☺️. I think  that most of us have  some rendition of boy gets girl, then  boy looses girl, and now days that can  even  be to another  girl☺️☺️. We aren’t  going  down that road today, and while  I  do want  to chirp about  love, not really the romantic kind, but feel  free to allow you  minds to drift, back down memory  lane☺️☺️.
• I’m not sure about  how many  of you guys have ever been  to  the Big Easy  aka New Orleans, but boy do they  know  how to throw a party. Now , I get that  most of your  brains  may have  run off to beads and  women  baring their  breast , its a Mardi Gras tradition  of sorts . I can’t  take  anything  away from  the big celebration  leading  up to Ash Wednesday, which  I  find completely  peculiar . They  throw this huge, city wide party  with  drinking  and public  intoxication, all kinds bizarre foods, some of it looking  like it’s still alive☺️☺️, oh bands and parades, some of the most creative  costumes that you will  ever see. Halloween  has nothing  on Mardi Gras , and did I mention  the exposed breast for beads campaign.  Now!, you know that  a guy came up with  that one, but the women’ seem  happy to  play along☺️☺️
• So if I  have  this right, we have a no holds   barred, anything  go’s  party, leading  up  to  Ash Wednesday, which is  the  official  kick off for lent , leading  up  to  the  high holy season  of  Easter and  the  Resurrection.  Boy!, does that just  scream  get  it all in and then repent☺️☺️?  I hope that works  out for you. I would  just  love to be a fly on the wall  in that confessional as you ask the priest for forgiveness as you explain  to him how  it is that you came to be running  up and down  Bourbon street  with  your  boob’s out ☺️☺️. I think  that I  better move along  before  someone  thinks  that I’m a boob  guy☺️☺️. This is all completely  irrelevant.  It’s the other  party that they  throw  in  New Orleans that we want to talk  about.  Other  party? ….not Mardi Gras ? Nope, it’s about the way they  have  funerals, oh yeah that!!☺️
• Funerals  in the Big Easy are nothing  short of being  it’s own little  Mardi Gras.☺️ It’s a party, and an incredible way to Celebrate  someone’s  life. The tradition  of a big band can find live performances right  in the middle  of  the precession. The funerals  don’t  hardly  look like any of the somber  ones that we usually  see. It’s just  an amazing  send off. I mean if I’m truly  in a better  place,  I would  much rather  that there would  be laughter and rejoicing, opposed to  tears and sadness.   Also  if you enjoy  culture and  things that are just  a  little  out of the ordinary, then  the cemeteries offer an Architectural display of  beauty in death, because  most ok of the bodies are buried above  ground, because much  of  New Orleans  is at or below  sea level, so just  digging a hole , could  lead  to an accidental well☺️☺️
• . I know that it’s not always the case, but  often  when someone  passes away, they  leave love ones behind. As that chapter comes to a close , it can be expressed  as the love is gone. It may have  been  the  loss of an enfant, or a spouse of a fifty year marriage, but that love is gone. I’m not saying that  the  ones left behind, just  stop loving  them, but there is no reciprocation  except  the  memories  left behind. When  we greave, it is over a loss love, be it a divorce or  an actual  death.
• Almost a  year ago, I lost a dear, dear friend, in fact it was just  four days before Christmas.  A sweet  time of the year with  a bitter after taste.  She had been  sick the whole time that I  knew her as she desperately needed a kidney  donor. Her situation was complicated by not having any family  in the near by vicinity . I never  met  any of her family in  person, which I’m hoping to  rectify soon. Her parents were in North Carolina and  her sister in  West Virginia, and  she was in Ohio, so a little  spread out. Before  she went to  be with Jesus, I was introduced to  her family  via telephone.  The night that she went home , I spoke with both her sister and  her mom , and they thanked me for being  her friend  which was completely unnecessary, because I was the one who was always blessed by her presence and  her incredible  sharp wit.
• So much of what takes place when  someone  dies is sad, just  being able to  wrap  your mind around the  fact that  you can’t  just  pick up the  phone and  call them.  No more hardy belly laughs together  .No more warm embraces. No more tears  of joy shared together. No more meals together.  The loss is about what we had, but more so about what we will  never have again on this  side of eternity.  Maybe  one of the saddest things is , when  they aren’t the person that  we mostly remember them being.  Sometimes it’s age, but often  it’s some illness that has stolen their  vitality and  their  zest for life away, as with  my friend  waiting on a kidney.
• After the  love is gone can often  be about  some broken  relationship , but one of the times it shows up most is after a death. Maybe  it’s just  my crazy family, but they  do turn  out for a funeral.  There is just  something about  paying  your respects to the deceased . I think that the ironic  part of the story  is that the word  ” eulogy ” , means to edify or to lift up , as into  praise someone. Maybe  it’s one of those bitter/ sweet things, but we show up for funerals, which to me just  doesn’t  matter  much.  It’s all of those other  life  giving  events that we pass on , because  we are just  to busy , or maybe  some scheduling  conflict.  Somehow  in my mind it’s just  backwards.  There could  be  a engagement party, nope, I’m busy. There could  be a  wedding, nope, I’m busy.  and I have to buy a gift, in that case I”m extremely  busy ☺️☺️. It’s  a graduation, nope I’m busy.  Birthday  party, anniversary  party, baby shower, which  has  some how turned into  a  gender reveal thing…ok, I guess but I’m still  just to busy to attend.  Speaking of a gender  reveal  thing, when  did it get to  be a thing about getting  a push present☺️☺️. I digress a little, but does that mean  that  if you don’t  get  a push present, that  you aren’t  going  to  participate?☺️☺️. Yeah it’s laughable.  I thought that  your push present was getting the baby that you carried around  for all of those months ☺️☺️. It’s just like  all of those extra days that kids get out of school  now. Push present, yeah right!!☺️☺️. There is a certain  people  group out there always  talking  about  *reparations , so I suggest  that all previous  generations of  mothers, go back and demand  their  push presents. ☺️☺️. Yes, that was a  rabbit  hole☺️☺️. My point is that we have family  reunions, you can’t  make that, but you drop everything  to be at a funeral.  Just  a little  hint, but  they  aren’t  going  to enjoy  all of your kind  words that you didn’t  share with them when  they were still alive.☺️☺️
• Ok, back to the funeral.  Someone  has passed, and all kinds of friends and family are  showing  up. They  bring food, enough  food to feed an entire  army regiment.☺️☺️. They  bring cards and letters, hoping to  bring  comfort and  peace.  They  sit with  you and share funny stories and  memories about the deceased . They will  unintentionally say things that are insensitive, and  may make  your  heart hurt just a little bit  more, such as ” they  are  in a better  place” or something  completely  ridiculous  such as ” God must  have  needed another  angel “. Whimsical and  well  meaning, but not so much! ☺️ Some will  sit in silence  in disbelief, because  they  had just  saw them  or had a conversation with  them  the day before.  They  will  say, ” I still  can’t  believe  they  are gone “. There may be a visit  by a clergy  member, and they  will  share scriptures, also  well meaning  and  hoping to bring  some sort of peace. All of this is overshadowed  by you having to  make  some of the hardest decisions  of your life, all under the banner of making arrangements. So many  things  to tend to and so many people  wanting to help and to ease the  burden.
• All of this is people trying to demonstrate  love. Some do it better than  others, but regardless  of how hard they try, their hearts will  never  break as your ‘s  is right  this very  moment.  They  see your face  and know that  it’s a combination of grief, being  tired and just  not  being able to sleep. The wagons have  been  circled and everyone  is  trying  to  see you through  this  trying  time. You are surrounded by  love and  loved ones. People are  trying  to  anticipate your  every need as they  wish to  be helpful.  The days come and go , and then the days turn  into weeks , and maybe  even  into  months.  You sit by yourself at your  kitchen  table , and it hits you out of nowhere, that the love is gone, and it’s a double take. You loss the person that  You  loved  so desperately and now you  have  lost the love of those who were there filling the  gap.
• The cards and thoughtful  notes stop showing up. The flowers  have all died. The phone  calls  have  diminished, dried up like a creek in the summer’s heat. Everyone has returned to  the  places that they  came from, when  they first  hurried to rush and be by your side. The saying of ” life goes on ” rushes across your  mind, but that’s not true for you. Other  people’s  lives have  returned to some sense of normality and  you are still  starring off into  space, trying to  figure out how to put your shattered  life back together.  The one  thought is still that the love is gone.  It’s not for everyone, but for you the pain is still  very  real .
• Everyone  greaves differently, so don’t just  assume  because they  have  a  smile  on their face that they are  fine. We need to  periodically check  back in and not accept them saying that they are fine , as the truth. Engage with  them and  have  open  ended  conversations with  them.  Invite them  out to eat. Ask specific  questions if you  can . Do everything that  You  can  to eliminate  the  isolation. Don’t be afraid to  have  physical  contact  as in holding  their  hand or offering them  a hug. Always, always ask them  how may you pray for them. My friend who past away last year, four days before Christmas.  Her mom has been having a  really  difficult time adjusting to  her daughter  no longer being around.  Losing and having to bury a child  is one of the hardest and most difficult things that you will  ever  do in your life. Our children are suppose to bury us and not the other way around.  Everything about  that, just  screams, GOD, HOW COULD YOU LET  THIS HAPPEN?
• I can’t  speak  for God, but He knows what it feels  like to loose a child.  He gave  us His one and  only Son, and He watched as He was tortured and  buried.  He is acquainted with our sorrows, so He understands our hurts, pains and  disappointments. He is not a God who is far off and distant, but one who is close and near. God  created  us for relationships, first with  Himself and  then  with  others.  So, our make up is to not let the love just  dry up and be gone.  When  people  loose someone  close  to them, come along  side and  make the choice to do the hard things and to be there for them , regardless of  how  long it takes. If you feel*   ill- equipped , or that  it’s over your head, don’t  be afraid  to  suggest that  maybe they  should  see someone  as in a grief  councilor.
• Only  love can  heal a busted heart. I’m so thankful and  grateful, that God doesn’t love the way that we do. We get  bound  up in our feelings and  emotions. We just walk through life falling  in and out of love, it truly  doesn’t  work  that way. Our love for others as well  for ourselves and  especially for God , can just  be an emotional roller-coaster, with  great  heights and  some of the deepest  lows imaginable.  God just  always  leads with  love and  He never  changes His mind  about  that. We need  to stop gaging  how we feel and just  choose  to love, yes it’s a choice, and we can  choose  to  show the love of Christ by loving  others in the same way  that He has loved  Us. Sometimes  it’s hard to love people.  Some  people  are just  difficult and  sometimes  it’s hard to love  people  because of a situation and  just  not knowing what to  say or do. After the love is  gone is actually a  challenge to  ensure that  never ever actually  happens.  When  people loose someone close to  them, stay close and  remember to  check  back in on them. The person that  they  lost is not coming back and we  have  to  stop acting as if they are.  Show God’s love and  don’t let the love be gone.
• Till Next Time ✌️  Peace!
• Sandy The Southerner

• Reply
• , 
• Reply All
•  or 
• Forward

Send