” The Way We Were”

• Not The Only One!
• Post # 98
• 05 Oct. 23  
•                  ” THE  WAY WE WERE”
• Howdy,
  • I’m always grateful for when you guys check  in and I  love some of the feedback.  I  have  a  few international readers and  there is  the capability of  reading  this in other languages,  and  there is even  a lady out in the Midwest  who downloads my blog  on to some program that  reads it  to her in the  car, which  I thought was  clever . She kept  saying that  she  was  listening to  my podcast,  which  I  don’t  do, but her ingenuity made it so. I’m not real  sure  how many foreign  languages  are  available,  but more than  just a  few.  Let’s get into  today’s  post. 
  • Some of you, may remember  this as an old Barbara  Streisand movie, or perhaps perhaps your recollection is an  old Gladys Knight and  the  Pips song,  both tastefully done for the time an  Era.  Just the title  it’s self, speaks  of  a time  gone by and that is where I  find myself  today.
  • Many, many years ago,  I  can’t  remember if it was high school or  college,  but I  had an instructor,  who had us write our own  obituary.  I  can’t  remember what I  wrote  or even  what  was the point of the  exercise, but I remember that it had us to compare to where we were  , to where we thought that  our lives would be . I must  confess  that  the world  is  much  different  from  what I  imagine,  both  do to technology and  the ever changing  perspectives of what  is reality and what is  just  reality  TV☺️
  • I  have a  very  dear friend  whom I  occasionally do devotions with on  the Bible  app ,if you  are  unfamiliar with, you should  check it out ,it’s just  crazy  all of the material and resources there. So, my friend,  sometimes picks out devotions,  which I  would  consider or refer to as ” softballs “, but to each its own and  we are all at different  points in our  journey with God.  This friend  of mine is an extremely  brilliant  person,  an engineer  by trade, and  does some incredible  work  with  global positioning,  so stuff like  making  calculations for Autonomous vehicles to run  on highways and a lot of other  cool stuff  which  is  way above  my pay grade ☺️☺️. So the devotion that she picked out was about  being  healed  from  your difficult childhood.  I,   on the surface thought  it  to be pretty  innocuous,  but turned out,  not so much!
  • It turns  out  that  most  of  us  have  some kind  of  trauma or some unresolved  issues from our  childhood  or upbringing.  The deal  is  we survive it ,move on, and actually  without  being  aware,  it often  becomes  part of our character , and thus our new normal ☺️☺️. I’m not attempting to to highlight  victim  status for anyone , or rush anyone off to therapy,  but  just  as abused  people  often  turn into  abusers themselves,  unresolved  trauma,  normally  leads  to  more trauma for others,  who have to deal with us .  It’s  much like a bad family  tradition of alcoholism or abuse, that turns into  some  cycles  we find hard to  break,  and  that’s  only  if we are aware of it and can even   name it.
  • So!, this  devotion on day one, right out of the  gate hit on ,”who we were forced to  be”?,  or maybe  about  who we didn’t  feel  free to be. It wanted us to grapple with the shackles of  conformity,  or maybe  measuring  up  to  some parent’s  or coach’s expectations about  what their  plans  were  for  our lives . I  mean  looking  back,  I think that  could  be  a little  bit of a mixed  bag.  I  don’t  know  how many  of us are upset because  our parents  forced us to  be  successful.  I  mean  like  isn’t  that  one of the  main goals in parenting,  to get  your  kids to be functioning and  hopefully  self sustaining?  Still, while  some flourish under the  weight  of  expectations,  for others the weight is just  crushing.
  • Looking back on my upbringing was a little bit difficult to  look at , because  I  realized that  much of  the social  norms or the things that I  felt I needed  to  be  or to measure up to were rooted in segregation in the south.  I  was always told that I  had  to be twice as  good as  whites, just  to be on equal footing with  them. There was a double  standard  there and it drove certain  emotions that were  mostly  summed up as anger. Attending a HBCU , this mindset  was  further  propagated in  the classrooms, but also  in the ROTC program,  that we had to be our best at all times and  especially  when we competed against  none black schools.  We had to be exemplary,  good was just  not good enough.  I can’t  say that my life was overshadowed by racism,  but I  was constantly aware of  its presence.  As I  entered the  work force,  I  encountered other Blacks who were  raised  under  the  same  banner of  “we are representing our people “.  The pressure  to  conform was a real  thing. I  sometimes think of  America in terms of us being  buttoned up and sexually oppressed , that we are like children in  a  relationship with  a  lot of rules, but sorely  missing on the relationship side of things. That is usually an equation for  rebellion and  that is exactly where we are as a nation,  in rebellion!.  We are just  straight up  across the  board in full  rebellion  mode. We are in rebellion about  anything  traditional,  marriage, God,  family,  jobs, even  our personal  relationships.  We give  one another  permission to  play around with  other  people,  traditionally known  as cheating,  but we now reframe  the conversation as poly amorous,  whatever!! We have  different  ideas about  the work culture as well  with  some  demanding the flexibility to be able to  work from  home or remotely.  Some are doing  the gig economy,  where they  will  work  several  part-time jobs just  to meet basic  needs to  have  the  flexibility of  working when they  feel they  want  to. I also want to remind you to not get it twisted and look at an employee or coworker sideways,  because they will just up and quit on you, these aren’t the employees of old. You should  probably  also   be  aware that  the words ,work and  ethic have  come to  a crisis  of    irreconcilable  differences ☺️☺️.  I know that  we are a long way away  from  thirty or forty years with  one company and  retiring with  a  gold watch,  but they  have  taken  the whole  thing  about not putting all of your eggs in one basket to a new threshold☺️☺️. Whatever  happened to the  greater good? When  we thought about   what was best for others first and  not so self serving. We go out of the way to put so many things in  place to keep  children  safe, such  as  making  schools  drug free zones, and  prohibit  guns and other  weapons,  but  then   we wrestle  with  who can  use what bathroom….really? There is all kinds  of  information out  there about  how  kids do better  in  a two  parent  environment,  yet  that is  not  what  we often  see. I’m not pointing fingers,  I  know  that  things don’t  always  work out and we find  ourselves  in  places that  we never  imagined,  but  sometimes  it’s a little  self inflicted and the kids become an  after thought  opposed to  what is best for a child.  And please don’t  write me about  divorce and  other things  that we know,  such as the death  of a  spouse or  partner,  but those of us who just  have  to  have a  kid no matter  what,  so I’m going to  go it alone. It’s your  thing, some have  done it successfully, but most have not.
  • I don’t  have just  one big take away,  because it  all played in together,  but there was this  constant  thought  process  towards  perfection and  measuring up.  I’ve never been  one to walk around with a chip on my shoulder or believe that the system  was out to get  me and that I  never  had  a  fair chance  to  complete for housing,  a job, or anything  else.  I  know that  was  not the case  for a lot of people.  “The way we were,” has changed  drastically, but I  do see  injustices  and  places where everyone  is not  on a level  playing  field.  Don’t  get  me wrong,  wealth will  always  have its advantages,  but  places where people  can’t  buy themselves  out of  trouble , to many times we are  judged differently for the same  crimes against  humanity.  I’m not talking about  actual  crimes,  but  our faux pas are  judged just a little  bit  differently.
  • This is especially  true in the world  of professional  sports.  I  have  seen  certain  athletes get  opportunity  after  opportunity,  and others are  made an example of.  I  do believe  in  a high standard when  you represent an organization,  but  just  looking for a  little  more  consistency. 
  • I  was raised by  a  generation that was shaped by segregation and  also  the  great depression and a world  war, so living in a time  of scarcity. I  understood the times in the way that we were, but  I’m  also aware of  how we  are a one eighty from  that now. The two  era’s are  so diametrically opposed to  one another,  sometimes  it’s hard to  imagine   how we got here from  there. I  am not a conspiracy guy, I  would  much  rather  deal with  facts over emotions, because facts don’t  usually  change,  unless you  are  Pluto and  wake up one day and  find out that you  lost your  planet  status☺️☺️.
  • Everything  has give and take and sometimes  that’s just another  way of  saying we have  to  except the  good with  the bad, which  is  often  just the ugly. I don’t  even  know  how  we  could  compare  one to the other.  How do we balance  racism  against  more intact  families.  How do we counter the good old boys club with  Black’s being  some of the riches and  most influential people  in  our culture.  How do we weigh on a scale,  decency,  respect, and moral  fortitude against  anything and everything  is  viable,  regardless  of  how  corrupt or perverted it  may be. And how do we even  begin to come to a place of unity,  when we can’t  even agree  on  what is true and what  is  perception, or just  what I want  to  believe  because  it makes me  feel  better  about  myself.  I’m not one pining for the good old days, because they weren’t  always  so great themselves,  just  more familiar . We literally  live in a  world,  where you can  go to sleep   tonight and  wake up  in  the  morning and  words have  completely  different  meanings  from  the  day before. We live  in  a  world  where everyone  does what seems  right to themselves  in their  own  eyes. I  think  that  this  has been  written  about  before and  heavily  documented that it doesn’t work,  but we will  let it play out, just to make  sure ☺️☺️, I guess.! Traditionally  speaking,  if rebellion  doesn’t  lead  to  revolution and  some kind  of  consensus about  what  needs to  take place,  it usually  leads  to chastisement, or some kind of punishment.  If  we can’t  agree on  what is  true or not, I don’t  see revolution in  our future,  but the other  is almost  sure to happen.  Here is one for you,  think about  a sports culture for just a  minute.  What  happens when  they  fail to come together and  work  as a team  or some cohesive unit? Yes, they  become a laughing  stock and  the coach gets fired, that’s a given ☺️☺️. Outside  of  that, they  generally  unravel, they turn  on one another,  in fighting,  back biting,  belittling of some, finger pointing,  fractured and  splintered,  some team members  just  checking  out  all together to do their  own thing and  everybody   is blaming  someone else,  while  never  looking at their  contributions and taking  responsibility.  This in the grand  scheme of things  is  what is known as  lack of  identity. We don’t  know  who we are any longer  as Americans.  We use to know, but have  sadly  lost our way. If you asked  two hundred and  fifty  people  who  or what an American is , you  would  probably  get  over five hundred  different  responses☺️☺️, sad right?, I know!  See first  we have  to  say what is in our hearts and  minds and  then  we  have to  say the watered down  version,  to make sure we don’t  offend any  one☺️☺️☺️. Yes, we are ridiculous as a people.  We have  an identity  crisis that just  doesn’t  exist in other  countries.  I  don’t  know if  it’s sad or criminal  that people  who  come from  other  countries to become  citizens  here, know  more about  our history than the  average  American, and  yes, they still  get to cast ballots ☺️☺️. There is a  history,  told in a book, best seller of all times, rarely  read, often  used as a coaster, but  our history  runs very parallel to it and  other  nations  were brought  in  to  be a strap for their  backsides,  readers pay attention.  They  were  once  great and mighty, just  as  many  believe us to be, trusting  in a military might, that has probably  already  seen  its best days. They  lived in  a  false sense of security and  one day woke up  to  wonder what  happened? There is usually always a  reckoning, and  that’s another way of saying  that we don’t  live  in a vacuum and  that  every action  has a reaction or some  kind of  repercussions . We can  thumb our nose at  the Who or what that  got us  here originally,  but  abandoning  truth has a cost accompanied with  it and the nose can  come off the  face☺️☺️. I  don’t  usually  like  leaving us on a down  note, and today will  not be an exception  to that.  I’m not saying  that  all traditions  are bad and  I’m not saying that all innovation is  the  cats meow  either,  but  I  do believe  that  we  need to  be  much  more  intentional about the  things that we let fall to the wayside.  There can  be such a thin line  now days between having  sure footing and  finding out that you don’t  have a  leg to  stand on.  We have been  on the third rock from  the  sun for , from  thousands of  years to millions of  years, depending  on  who you ask, another  one of those  things that we can’t  agree  on ☺️☺️, regardless of  the  mathematics of  it all, God says  that  He is the same yesterday,  today and forever and  in a world  of  constant  change,  it’s good to have  some stability.
  • Till Next Time ✌️ Peace!
  • Sandy The Southerner

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