“STOP!!, ALREADY!!”

• Not The Only One  !
• Post #96
• 14 Sept. 23
•                      “STOP!!, ALREADY!! “
• Howdy,
• Greetings once more and  strap yourself  in. The question  today’ is , when  is enough,  just  to much?. I  believe that we  all struggle with  balance in life. It doesn’t matter what it is or who you are. We struggle with  balance  between  work and family  life. We struggle  in our finances,  do I take the family out for dinner,  or  put those funds towards savings or some bill. We who dare discipline our children,  worry about does  the  punishment  fit  the crime, or are we  being  to heavy  handed or to lenient . In our personal relationships, we  worry about  how much to share , without  them  thinking  that we  are the weirdest  friend that they  have.☺️☺️ We also  beat ourselves  up  about  our diets and  can  feel  extremely  guilty  if we indulge in a little  junk food or some forbidden treat. We think much the same about our exercise habits or lack there of,  and if we take a day off we fear that the gym police will show up at our door, and  revoke our gym membership.  ☺️Balance  can  often be  hard and it is also  so subjective,  especially  with  us all being different,  or as God would  say, fearfully and wonderfully  made☺️. I  have  confessed  on multiple occasions that I’m a little bit of  a  dinosaur and  therefore a dying  breed, heading  off towards extinction ☺️☺️. When  is old school  retro?, because  even though  fashion  trends  circle  back around,  I’m not so sure about  our culture and  some sense  of  common  decency.  I remember taking  some pretty  brutal  hits in high school  playing  football,  and  there were no concussion   protocols , it was a little  smelling sauce under the old nostrils,  shake it off, rub some dirt on it , and get  back  in there.☺️☺️. I  think  about  the greatest generation,  and  the way that they  answered  the  bell in world War II, and I  probably  don’t  have  to go  back that far, but even the onslaught of patriotism after  9/11, that just poured out , and people  who were stepping  up  to  serve. I  know  that  Pat Tillman was  exemplary and   a little  bit of  a  model,  but he gave  up a NFL career to serve, and he paid the ultimate price. We also  saw many of the Hollywood types  step up  during the  ” Great War”, or what  was supposed to  be the war to end all wars, but  not so much!.  It’s been  a  little  over twenty  years  since  9/11, and  I  don’t  believe  that  we would  see such an  outpouring today.  It is evident in  the fact  that  all of the branches of  service   are  missing  enrollment  goals. I  believe  the  common  mindset is  that  someone else will  do it and maybe  step up and  do the dirty work  of protection  something  that  which  was once  upon a time an honor, as this was once upon a  time  a great  nation.   I  remember when  George W. Bush was  running for reelection and  he spoke of a kinder and gentler form of  conservativism and  being  more compassionate,  and  now that some how is  equivalent to us being  soft.  There is no rant  here about  when men were men, but  we are much more sensitive as a culture as a whole.  I’m not saying  that  I  know  what the balance  is  between  people  wearing  a  chip on their  shoulder,, just chomping at the bit to be offended about  something  and someone who crises at the drop of a hat , or when  some little  wildlife  ends up as fresh  road kill. 
• I’m going to  talk about a couple of  things that  are still  very  sensitive in the  surrounding  area.  Within  the  last  year we have  had two mass shootings in our own back yard, that still  rings out in  heart  felt  echoes  of pain. There was a  shooting at a local  Wal-Mart last year the week of Thanksgiving and  it  was  shortly  followed by  a  shooting  at the  University of  Virginia,  where three  football  players  lost their  lives.  I’m not a person who  would  ever  excuse  bad behavior,  not mine or any ones else’s,  and  I will  not paint a picture of  perpetrators as victims,  but I  believe  the common  factor  in  both  shooting were  some  kind  of  bullying . Teasing is something  not well  tolerated  now days   and  we have  seen  a pull back  from  some of the  fraternities and  even the  military has  taken  a  softer stance  on some of the hazing that  use to accompany certain  promotions or milestones in  someone’s  career.  I  have  some  mixed  emotions about  some of it, and just  to share a little,  I  always  believed that  certain  military training  was  designed to  toughen you up and  to  push you beyond  what  you   may  have  thought  that  your ceiling  was.  I’m not  real sure how  it would  exactly  play out if you  are actually  in some kind of  theater where actual combat  was going on and  you pulled out a stress card. I’m not  real sure if they  would  be  real inclined to letting you take a  time out, just saying!.   Something  that has been  coming across  my desk more and more is the increase of people  just  checking out, and  I  mean  in the form of suicide.  This has also  become  a  black eye  for the military,  because  they  have  seen  an increase  in  this area as well, and  while  they  have  tried to  sweep  it  under  the  rug, or keep  it  from  public  view,  the numbers  are  there, and moral  across  the  board is low. I  don’t  believe that  there is  any other  greater  cry of  hopelessness than  for someone to  end their  own life.  They  absolutely cannot  find one single  solitary reason  to  persevere. They cannot  think of  any reason to stay  here, not one relationship or person or thing to  give them a  glimmer of  hope.  Suicide has not touched  my life personally,  thank God,  for  that, but I  know of many  people  who  have  walked  that dark corridor lately, and  I  can  tell  you  that  it  knows no boundaries. When I say no boundaries,  I  mean that  no one  is  exempt,  it covers  all age groups,  races, genders and  social economic classes.  I think when  you  look at it objectively, there has never  been  a  stronger  argument  for  money  not being able to  buy you happiness.  Truth  be  told,  as a nation of  people  we have  lost some of the grit and vigor that once use to define us. I  don’t  want to  be  insensitive or harsh, and as I  have  said  countless times,  I  can’t  estimate the  damage  done  by  Covid worldwide,  but people  who work  in  the  mental health care field are  all , out pacing people  who  work  in  the  tech field.  We are  a nation of  misfits and  broken  people and  the prognosis is  not looking to  improve in the near future.  We are  one of the most medicated society’s on the face of the planet.  I  believe  that  we  are closing in  on half of the population being  on some kind  of  pharmaceutical drug, with antidepressants and  anti-anxiety drugs leading the way. As we move forward with  an increasingly isolated  culture,  all kinds of  new disorders are just  coming out of the woodwork and  their  seems to be no end in sight.  We now have gaming  disorders,  for people  who  can’t  put the controller  down  long enough to  go to the bathroom,  let alone  to hold down a job.  Isolation is at an all time  high and  that even  includes when  people are  in  a room jammed with  people.  We are loosing our sense of  community and we  don’t  know  how to  talk to one another  anymore. Have you not seen two people  in  the  same  room and they choose  to exchange  texts messages  over an actual  conversation?….sad ! I think that it is sad that I have to say this or acknowledge it,  but I  know  that  some of my audience thinks that I’m a little  flipped with the  things that I  say. It’s true that I’m not one who cries when I  noticed that a   little  woodland  creatures  has   become  fresh  road kill,  but  I  completely  understand that  some people experience real trauma in their  lives and  that  antidepressants and  anti-anxiety  drugs are  the  only  way to get through the day and life. I’m not  implying that  it is not a necessary reality for  some, because it is,  and sometimes we walk through  some very  dark things and  sadly often  within  the confines of  family or some other trusted   relationship where something  inappropriate took place that should have  never  happened.
•   The prevailing thought  is if I  stay silent,  then  I  won’t have  to  worry about  offending anyone,  or them  taking a comment  as bullying,  and  Lord knows  that  there is not a single  solitary  place that you can  go and not worry about  becoming the victim  of  gun violence. The truth is  we never  know  what  someone is  walking or going  through.  They  may have  just  received the  worst  news ever,  it could  be  death of a loved one,  a marriage that  has recently gone off of the rails, a diagnosis of cancer or some other  dreaded disease,  or a million other things,  and we all digest and interpret those situations differently.  Mental  toughness and  fortitude is  not a  one size fit all. We all have  different  temperaments and  what is just a  little  bump in the road for some, will be a major  crisis for others. 
• There  use to be something known as  “fat and  happy”, and  more so  then it   being about  someone’s personal appearance,  it spoke to  prosperity.  We use to , and should enjoy  the  fruits of our  labor,  but  it  seems that  the more  stuff  we acquire and more  successful that we  are  the less happy we are. We are either  desperately trying  to maintain and protect it, or envying and scheming to  take it from  someone else,  and yes, frivolous law suits is scheming ☺️☺️. I  love  psychology and the  working of the  inner mind, it just  fascinates me. Sometimes there are  things that are so very  obvious in therapy,  because there is just  nothing  new under the sun.  If  you walk into a  therapist office and  after five minutes of  meeting with  You,  they  tell  you  what the solution is, you would  think them to be a quack of some sort,  but often it is  that simple,  because  they  see it everyday,  day in and day out.  The trick here is to get  you to see something that is extremely  obvious to  them,  but  because  we are who we are,  we have  to put in the work to convince ourselves  that  certain things are  true  about us and our situations . If we don’t  put in the work,  we  are not likely to  see the  part that we play  in certain  things,  thus missing out on the Ahha ! moments,  or the aka ” breakthrough “. Often the  breakthrough is  just  getting you to own  your crap and choosing to put better  practices in place to be healthier in the future.  So by now you should  be  asking  yourself one of those questions about  the  price of tea in China ☺️☺️. I’m so glad that you  asked☺️☺️.
• When  I  look around at less developed cultures, which  we will  call  the healthier and  more content ones, the  huge difference is  the  amount  of  time that  they don’t  spend  with  some kind of  screen  in their faces. We are over  stimulated as a nation and  we  wonder why so many people are anxious.  We  are always  on to the next thing,  before  we  enjoy  and process where we are  now. So, just  ask yourself,  when  was the last  time that you were actually  in the  moment, and let’s   just  to be fair, take love making out of  the equation,  well  let’s hope so anyway ☺️☺️. , but honestly when  was the last time that you were not thinking  about  the next day, or next week or  some project that  has been  hanging  over your head? I  think  that  we run here and  there and  give very  little  thought to  how an actual  human  brain works and responds to stimuli and  rewards and the different  transmitters that respond to  dopamine and  how that plays out. This is a little  bit  of  bonus  material for you,  I’m going to  recommend a really  good  book, called  the “Dopamine Nation “,by Anna Lembke. MD. The author  talks about  how we indulge in  pleasure and  will go out of our way to  seek  it out. So , basically we  have  thrown  moderation out the  window and  to much of a good thing,  can  actually  be  a  bad thing.  We don’t  like  to  think  of  ourselves  as  addicts , but in fact we are , and just  like  most addictions,  it takes even  more  each time  out to get  the same feelings  of  euphoria, we can  see it so easily with  alcohol,  drugs or porn, but  we totally have a  disconnect when  we  think  about  how  epic  our next vacation  has to be over the last one….same  principle at play. So, we are anxious,  and when  we can’t  achieve or maintain that sense of  euphoria,  we  often  take a  downward turn  and sometimes  become  depressed.  I  think I  covered a lot of  ground  here, and  probably  still  didn’t  answer the  question  about  when is enough  , just  to  much.  I  don’t  have  a  definitive answer to that, but what I can  tell  you is  if we  don’t  stop being so self indulged,  and all about self, then  we  will  never  be  able to  answer  that  question.  My challenge to  you  is  to  stop  and  see people,  look around,  often whatever  someone  is  walking  through  is evident  on their  face. Eyes don’t  usually  lie, engage with  people and in their  suffering,  don’t  practice  avoidance,  you never  know the difference that one person can  make, and you never know,  you could  be  that one person  or reason  to keep  someone  from  ending it all. If it sounds heavy and dire, then it is because it is.  It takes  real guts to  ask someone if they  are  OK or not, and  being  willing  to  put yourself  out a little bit  for another  human.  Make eye contact  and speak respectfully and try to be encouraging.  Regardless of  someone’s  plight in life,  they  are  made in the  image of  God,  just  like you. They  may look differently, smell  differently,  or even  speak a different  language,  but  still  reflective of the  personhood  of  God, and   many, maybe  even  most don’t  believe,  if not for the  grace of God,  that could be   you having the  same struggles that you  are  observing in their life.  I said ” STOP! Already!”,  and  that can  be a  great  many  things and while we are all not guilty of everything,  we are all guilty of  something.  So, stop judging others , I love a good back story just  as much  as  the next person,  ☺️☺️but if we make it up we are making an assumption,  and  of course  we  know  that,  true , real life  stories are always   the  best.  Don’t  Polk the bear, or point out  something  obvious,  because  if you  noticed it,  then  they  have  probably  already  heard it fifteen  times  today and  that goes especially for our kids, don’t  be a bully parent, been  there,  done, that, brought a T shirt and  it doesn’t work,   and that one is to no cost to you just  bonus  material ☺️☺️.  When  I  look at  scripture, I  noticed that  Jesus  was always  with  and for the weak, the down trodden,  the marginalized,  the  misfits that no one else wanted,  or would  even  think  about  possible  potential for them.  We are are always  asking the question, what would  Jesus do? How about we do ,what Jesus  did,  and watch the  healing  begin.  We say that we are His hands and  feet,  but  often  to empathetic to move or to act. We can  do better,  and that is what I want  you to think about today.
• Till Next Time ✌️Peace!
• Sandy The Southerner

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