- Not The Only One!
- Post# 94
- 24 Aug. 23
- ” MINI ME “
- Howdy,
- Greetings and salutations! I have has this one post that I’ve been trying to get together for a couple of weeks and I’m starting to get the impression that it’s something that I shouldn’t publish. It’s just so scattered and I know that some of you are thinking that is my norm, ☺️☺️, so maybe just a little more than usual, so not that one, but this is what You get today . I want to talk about something today that should be something of great joy, but often times is not so much! It’s something that shouldn’t require some kind of a warning as in the PG kind, but I’m going to put it out there anyway. I’m no authority on kids or parenting , and while I have been blessed to have two wonderful children and they are physically healthy, but when it comes to other aspects of their lives, such as emotionally and spiritually, I’m keenly aware of some of my shortcomings as a parent. This blog and various and some would say numerous dating sites, I have been blessed to have an incredible amount of interactions and I mean with a lot of people. One could go to the four corners of the United States and I’ve probably talked to someone from there at some point and time. I’ve even had opportunities to connect with people outside of North America, such as my friend Demary in Cuba, or Linda in Australia and others as well and the majority of us have children. Children can be so fascinating, in that they sometimes represent the ultimate mini me☺️☺️. I’ve seen teenage boys dressed exactly like their fathers and can’t help but think to myself that they are going to have a hard time finding a date and possibly die alone ☺️☺️☺️☺️., not a good look for the kid. Some of us have always known that we wanted to be parents, some of us were on the fence about it, and others were oh! Hell No! , and it still took place anyway ☺️☺️. And for all of you out there who have not made that commitment or are struggling with fertility issues , I want to say that it can very much so be a mixed bag . It can very much be like that old Maze song featuring Frankie Beverly, ” Joy and Pain”, and believe it or not sometimes simultaneously. What else can you call it when you are attempting to potty train and the one time your son gets it together is at a Home Depot, but its not actually a toilet, but a floor model ☺️☺️, but being a consistent parent is important, so he gets it together again the following weekend at an RV show, and again it’s for show and not for actual use☺️☺️. As I was saying, sometimes simultaneously, it’s a joy that he is learning, but a little painful in the where and when. I want to tell you that it gets better and it does, however with the maturity process, both the joy and pain has a tendency to intensify . I think parenting is an awesome responsibility and it is also an incredible gift from God. It’s not just about you teaching your kids, but they are often teaching us as well. Lately I have been hearing God speak to me so much about having a child like faith and that can be also incredible, if we can hold on to it. As we walk through life and experience various disappointments and failures, we sometimes loose that and in the process and become a little jaded. Last night I was at the ball park with my son, celebrating his upcoming birthday. There is often, but not always this thing when you get two kids, that You will get one of each. There is one who is usually compliment and maybe a little bit of a rule follower, not to say that they never buck the system, but more inclined to dot the I’s and cross the T’s. And then there is the free spirited one, the one just a little less likely to trek a path that has already been marked out. They like to discover all that life has to offer first hand, and it’s almost as if they are planning to be parents themselves, because they can sometimes jump in on the deep end with the joy and pain stuff ☺️☺️. I will confess that I can be a little on the slow side at times and as I have said before, this has never been more true than learning that everybody doesn’t respond well to tough love. So, in that respect, I have learned and been much more open to loving people where they are and for who they are. I make that sound easy, but nothing could be further from the truth, and it comes along with another great lesson, and that is you can’t change people. That can often be a lesson in humility and futility, and to remember that only God can change hearts and minds, and even with that, we can sometimes give God a run for His money ☺️☺️. Still, when we see our kids on what we may consider not a good path, and sometimes a destructive path, that we know isn’t going to end well, it deeply pains us. I have often said that so much of what I have learned about parenting has both been reflective and echoed in my relationship with God. So, take that with what I just said and think about how much it must pain God, when He see us on a path that He wishes that we weren’t on, and how it must pain Him as our heavenly Father. Earlier, I had mentioned that I’ve had contact with a lot of people who have kids of their own. The ones that have been open enough and kind enough to share, have shown a pattern of dysfunction between parents and their off spring, it’s not a universal, but pretty close. I want to say that I’m surprised by that but I’m truly not. I mean we really haven’t changed that much since the garden. God being the perfect parent, and even his first two got sideways. We really haven’t changed that much other than getting more sophisticated with the disguises and what we consider more creative excuses. I find it simply fascinating how we dress certain things up, such as instead of calling it sin, we call it our struggles or our challenges in life. We can also dress certain things down in life to make us feel better about ourselves and that usually means comparing ourselves to someone else, and falsely thinking at least I’m not them or doing that bad….again not the standard!!!. As parents we always want the best for our kids and we often hope that they would side step some of the pot holes in life,and with the sometimes sad family traditions of abuse, alcoholism, or whatever it maybe, it is usually easier said than done. It can be a little tragic with those generational curses that seem to plague certain families and the struggles that go along with trying to break the curse or cycle. So, let’s get real for a moment and talk about reality and the forgiveness that needs to accompany that. We wish for success with our kids and sometimes we do everything exactly right , or pretty close because none of us are perfect, and our kids still come off of the rails, and I want to say go astray, but more like going their own way. There is so much guilt and shame out there when it comes to the job we have done as parents, and guess what? , that is also generational. I think that every generation struggles with the job that they do, especially in a culture that is constantly changing and taking old arguments and renaming them as if they were one of those shift changers from one of those Star Trek series. There is absolutely nothing new under the sun, but we fall for the deception as if it is and allow ourselves to get wrapped around the axel about it. I look at my parents and the job that they did, and I can see every glaring defect in their parenting skills and yet I know that they did the best that they could, with what they had to work with, as I have said before, I was no picnic as a kid growing up and I pushed every boundary and tested every floodgate to see if it would hold. I think for most of us there are things that we say and do that our parents did and said at some point, there are other things that we will happily do a one- eighty with ☺️☺️. It’s your show, so you know exactly what those things are. I think that we sometimes need to take responsibility for not doing the best job at raising our kids, and I don’t need to point fingers or call anyone out, but if you have a thirty five year old adolescent living in your basement, playing video games all day, then it’s self explanatory ☺️☺️. I’m just going to be honest and tell you that, that frightens me because I love my kids and I wonder and worry about what would happen to them when I’m not around anymore. It’s also gets a little bit more complicated, when I think about them having to make decisions and choices for me as I get older. It may sound selfish on the surface, but life can be so cruel at times and that’s no joke. So, can you trust your kids to take care of you, the way that You have taken care of them? . It’s a simple question, but for a lot of us it comes with a considerable amount of complications. The other side of the ledger is that we need to give ourselves some grace, or cut ourselves some slack and forgive ourselves for the way that our kids turned out. You can do everything in your power to set your kids up for success and there are simply no guarantees. First of all, they have got to want it and as much as we want it for them, it’s just not going to happen unless they buy in and pursue it for themselves. They have to be hungry and willing to put in the work, instead of just expecting for it to be handed to them. At the end of the day, our kids are free agents and it is truly up to them as to what kind of player they will be. We hope for them to be responsible citizens and contributing to the GNP, and not a drain on society. I’m fully aware of us sometimes vicariously living through our kids, especially in the area of sports and sometimes the arts as well and academically as well, I don’t want to leave the brains out of the equation ☺️☺️. I want to say encourage at every opportunity that you get, but be stead fast in letting them know that your love for them doesn’t hinge upon the success or failures of life’s pursuits. As parents, sometimes, we just need to let go of our hopes for a star athlete or even for the next Sheldon Cooper ☺️☺️. Here is a big one and especially in our culture today. We will sometimes get kids that are so different from ourselves. It may go much further than them being an introvert or extrovert, even though that can be fun to watch. I see that with my daughter now, her being a little introverted and one of her boys is settling up to be more like his Pappy and just never meet a stranger ☺️☺️ . That’s just good humor for me, that I can ensure you that my daughter doesn’t share with me ☺️☺️ . Ok, but we sometimes will get kids who will bring challenges to us with their lifestyles and choices as in who they will partner up with, and not only is it on the none traditional side of life, but it challenges us to go back to what I said about loving people for who they are and where they are. This is the challenge for most of us and it can be immensely tricky, but I believe that it is something that God demonstrates all throughout scripture and that is to love without condemnation. The text book answer is to love the person without embracing their choices in life whatever that may be. We really struggle with this on this side of life, when it was so easy to say that I love You, but I’m not crazy about you throwing the ball in the house and breaking the lamp. We separate the action or behavior from the love that we have for them. Now it’s more complicated because they tell us that the behavior and the person has become one, and that You can’t love one without accepting the other, and I want to say that I disagree with that point of view. I believe that You can still love the person without embarrassing their lifestyle and I know that this is so excruciating as a parent and has caused many heated discussions even when it’s not in the home, but just at or in the culture at large . I recently heard someone talk about the gap between what we say that we believe or are supposed to believe, behind what really goes on in our head or on the inside. Again I want to say cut yourself some slack about the outcome of your kids and yes while they are a reflection of us, but once we get past the DNA transfer and despite the best parenting and the most intense nurturing, they are who they choose to be and that can be for better or worse . Stop!!, beating yourself up about working so much when they were growing up, stop beating yourself up because you didn’t have the best life partner and you raised them as a single parent. Stop beating yourself up for certain exposures you introduced into their lives, and just stop crucifying yourself over things that are beyond your control and ,remember that they get to embrace it or reject it as a moral free agent. We are all sinners, so I don’t know why we act so surprised that we reproduced other little sinners ☺️☺️I’m truly not trying to over simplify something that is is extremely complex and multifaceted. What I know and what I have observed is that Jesus was and is all about the outcast and the down Trotted , the ones who aren’t always the most socially accepted. We say that we follow Christ, then let’s follow, His one- two punch was love and forgiveness and we should try our best to follow suit. I know for myself and may be for some of you guys as well, this is not something that you can do on your own or in your strength ,might and power and if you attempt it, you will either fail or fake it , because it’s not easy to love people who are different from ourselves. Bend the knees if you can and bow the head and ask for God’s help and pray for wisdom, insight and patience, because we are all created in the image of God and God didn’t create any throw aways. Yes, just scratching the surface, but its going to have to hold you for now. Remember we can’t , God can, so it would be wise of us to let Him.
- Till Next Time ✌️ Peace!
- Sandy The Southerner
- Reply
- ,
- Reply All
- or
- Forward
Send
