Thank you again for being here or there , as it may be. . I can’t always tell where these thoughts, ideas and post come from, but they do originate in my brain. They can start off as something very innocent, and I can run with it completely in another direction. I don’t know if that is a gift , as in a talent or something, or a curse,, as in being able to run in my brain to some very dark places at times. I will share where this one came from, but not right now. Hold on for a bit, and I promise that I will return to it. We have all probably been some place, or in some setting that we weren’t on some level comfortable with or in. Now, as to how we found ourselves there may be a Conundrum, or a continuous poor decision or choice,, none the less we are there. I remember some thirty years ago, when I use to work for Miller Brewing, that my wife and I were invited to one of the other managers house for a social outing. It was maybe twenty to thirty people, the food and music was fabulous and of course there were spirits ,otherwise it would be equivalent to biting the hand that is feeding you☺️☺️. As the sun wain off into horizon and people became more relaxed, ok intoxicated ☺️, my wife and I were in a very large hot tub, and we noticed that people started to remove articles of clothing. This was a clear sign to us, that we had over stayed our welcome and that we needed go get our kids from the babysitter ☺️☺️. I’m ok with having a swinging good time , but not so much with a swinger’s good time, if you catch my drift ☺️☺️. I want to say to each it’s own, live and let live, it just wasn’t our thing, and if it’s yours , good luck with that. I feel as if that fell under the conundrum clause, but I’ve also had plenty of times with me making just flat out bad decisions. In the above situation , we were definitely the odd man out, or couple as it was. Something that most of us have probably experience with is not being chosen, or chosen first, as in being felt to be a priority or having that place of honor. Now, whether that was on a play ground, when kids were choosing up teams for a sport and then again In a much sadder situation, perhaps in a marriage where you felt that you had loss that place of priority, or never had it in the first place, the pain is and can be very cutting, and on some level gut wrenching. These are just a couple of scenarios where we might feel out of place, but a far cry from the only ones. My heart goes out to the woman or couple, who desperately wants to be pregnant, and it’s just not happening for them. Not only is it not happening for them, but every place they turn, there are young couples with children. Perhaps it’s appears to be twice as cruel complicated by multiple miscarriages and you wondering if you should just give up hope all together. You could be a teacher or a day care worker and when your colleagues are complaining about their kid feeding something to the dog, that got him sick all over the house, you find yourself wishing that you had that problem. You are the one who doesn’t have cute kid stories to tell, but you share something about a niece or nephew , not to be totally ostracized. It gets Infinite better when the people around you know that you have fertility issues and the conversations gets quiet when you enter the room, because they are trying to be sensitive and not to rub their joy in your face, just a little to much. Odd Man Out? Absolutely! I mean this doesn’t have to be so drab, or extreme . I think about my fifteen year old grandson, who at times is extremely focused on his future and what he wants to do with his life. He’s always as it seems, or at least in my memory, always wanted to be a pilot and he’s taking steps to move in that direction to try and increase the probability of seeing that through fruition . In his peer group there is this one kid who has no vision or dream for the future. He has no ambitions about which college he wants to attend, what he wants to major in, or anything beyond just getting out of high school. There is certainly no crime in that, but as they all talk about plans , both near and far, the questions in his mind is should he be in search for a less inspiring Peer group. We can’t pick our family, but lots of choices when it comes to who we hangout with. Odd Man Out? Yes, absolutely again. I think back to my twenties, before marriage ever entered my mind , or dare pass cross my lips.☺️☺️ I sometimes found myself in with the wrong crowd of people. When I say the wrong crowd of people, we were the same, but I was somehow different. We were young dudes, yet, I knew that my foundational upbringing was different from theirs. I’m not telling you that I’m special, but I’m different, and I can bring witnesses forth to testify of that, be it good or not so much!☺️. Looking back I want to say that it was the providential hand of God protecting me when I did stupid things. I was raised to respect authority and people which seems to be in short supply now days. One of the biggest blessings in my life is that I was never a follower , as in when others engaged in risky or behaviors that I was uncomfortable with, I could always say no thank you, that’s not for me and walk away. Wait!, before you applaud me for not being a follower, this would become one of my biggest obstacles, when it came to a life modeled after Christ, another one of those bitter/ sweet things. At the core or the root of this it comes down to a level of being sensitive to others and what they are walking through, when we are primarily concerned and focused on self. Am I comfortable? Am I making the right calls? Am I being seen in the best light, and so on, we go. In our zeal for climbing the corporate ladder, we have missed Bob sitting over there in his cubical for the last fifteen years or so , watching others get promoted ahead of him, simply because he doesn’t have a college degree, yet, he knows the operations of the organization better than anyone who passed through the doors of the place in a very long time. He’s sits in the break room, listening to others talk around him as if he is not there, while he has a clearer understanding of what needs to take place than they do, but he doesn’t chime in and share because he is the odd man out, and I think that his spirit just gets a little dimmer by the day. Unfortunately we are not naturally sensitive to others struggles especially in a doggie eat dog world. If we are kind and considerate then someone may get to go a head of us, and we justify it by telling ourselves this is our shot, and if I don’t take it, it may never come around again, how sad! These once in a lifetime opportunities are usually to own a sports franchise, king for a day, and what are you really going to fix in one day? Or perhaps we are talking about being president of the United States, which is a sucky job by the way, and none of the before mentioned are commonly found in corporate America boardroom . The odd man out thing is never more highly contrasted than in the area of politics. We can tell very quickly if we have been dropped into the wrong pot of crabs, and that the heat is going to be turned up on us. It doesn’t matter your position, whether you are left or right, or one of those securely positioned in the middle people, careful not to offend anyone , the comfort level can be miserable and distained depending on if you take prisoners or not, or if you are just one of those people who believe that scorched earth is the best policy. If you are unfamiliar with that, it’s a kin to kill them all, and let Jesus sort them out. I joke but many this day and age approach politics as a war zone ,with zero tolerance for any other position except their own. Odd Man Out? Certainly could be! There are just so many things that can lend us to being that odd ball in the crowd, and it’s not always what you may think, it can very well boil down to perspective once again. We are divided by social economic classes, education levels, family dynamics, only child vs multiple siblings . There is nothing like knowing that you are the last of the Mohicans and the family name dies when you do . Odd Man Out? certainly and it happens every day. I said that I would share where this post originated and this seems like as good of a place as any. This morning I was sitting in my men’s group meeting, which is code for a Bible study. I was out of town the previous week and while I was gone, the room that we meet in was being painted. The keys to the restroom had been misplaced, so there was the joke about a room full of old guys and no bathroom access….looming disaster ☺️☺️. The conversation then it seemed almost out of nowhere turned and, one guy sharing that today was his 34th wedding anniversary and then it was on . They started going around the room, and everyone exacting their individual resumes and I will just say there were a wide range of years , with our retired pastor friend, Dick, chiming in at 63 years. Yes, this is the hammer on the old head of the nail. This is something that I will never possess and it’s something that I desperately want and feel capable of doing even though, I have failed at it on multiple occasions. If I was to find a woman desperately enough to roll the dice with me and we got married tomorrow, what then, ten years if we are blessed or in the world’s eyes lucky. This is the ultimate super Supremo Odd Man Out. There is only one other single guy in the group, and I really don’t know enough about his background to think about how this may weigh on him , but it rocks me hard. It’s not the first time that this particular dynamic has smacked me between the eyes, but just one more in an extremely long line of times whispering to me that I’m a failure . I know that negative self talk is not true or beneficial to the cause. There have been other times , in similar situations. I want you to take just a moment and imagine being in a sanctuary with a thousand plus people worshiping God. You find yourself with people all around you, hopefully with the common goal of worshiping God, but in the midst of it, you realize that You are totally alone. How can this be? Surely I’m not the only single amongst all of the couples, and families, some represented to the fourth generation. There are people all around you, yet you are the loneliest person on the planet. I have a new friend down in Florida, not far from my daughter, another divorced person. I was sharing about this bizarre situation, and their solution is to not put themselves in those situations. I mean, that is great if you have a crystal ball and know exactly when those settings will present themselves. I went to the movies with my son the other day and we were talking about the size of the pair of balls you have to have to go to the movies by yourself . Now!, that’s not the big one, but it’s when you go some place to a sit down dinner in a nice restaurant. Should I be deprived of good food and quality atmosphere, simply because I’m by myself ?. Is it me , or can you feel the eyeballs burning a stare into you because someone is waiting for a table and they think that you would be better off at a McDonald’s or some other nameless drive through. I mean if you truly want to experience the odd man out thing, go to a nice steak house on a Friday or Saturday night and I can promise you that you will be able to feel the endless pity for you as you try to enjoy your meal without condemnation. And yes, I know that in the before mentioned setting it is supposed to be about You and God meeting together In worship, but its just different and special , and Your mind goes to that place of the three strand cord that is not easily broken. It just means so much more with someone special by your side. If I sad it once, I’ve said it a hundred times that we are created to be in fellowship with God and other people. I may have mentioned this before, but for the believer that we are never actually alone because of the indwelling of God’s Holy Spirit. I had a friend years ago, a West Point graduate by the name of Ralph Smith and he was making the argument for the fact that we all need people in our lives to be Jesus with skin on. I never forgot that analogy, and we are supposed to be the hands and feet of God in a lost and dying world, so yes, Jesus with skin on. My new friend down in Florida was talking about triggers. We all have things that set off triggers for us, some of them good and others not so much! Just the word itself doesn’t sound as if it would inspire something positive, or we would call it a wonderful memory☺️☺️. Now, when it comes down to triggers, what may set one of for me , is probably something completely different for you and you should probably say thank God for that. I’m not saying that a relationship or marriage is a cure for loneliness, because the odd man out , is so much more inclusive than that, because we have tons of married people living in separate parts of the house and separate lives that looks nothing like a traditional marriage . Real quick be for we leave, what do you do with those odd moments of inadequacy and maybe a little self doubt. I can’t tell you about some silver bullet or magic pill, with a one size fits all, but I will tell you to take a deep breath and to remember that when you are the odd man out, ninety percent of the time, you are the only person aware of it . No one else in the world knows those thoughts that are swimming around in your head, so today might be a great day for you to give your anxiety the day off☺️☺️.
