- Not The Only One !
- Post #35
- Pyle, USMC !
- Howdy and one again welcome to the blog. If you catch the reference from the title of this post, then you are getting a little long in the tooth as they say, or you spend a significant amount of time watching TV Land or one of those other networks that like to show reruns from a time when TV was just kinder and gentler. If you were a parent with young children, you didn’t so much worry about the content. Ok, let’s get back to Pyle. This was a sitcom that stared ,Frank Sutton as Sgt. Carter, and Jim Neighbors as PFC , Gomer Pyle. Pyle was portrayed as this country bumkin, from Mayberry, N.C, and he was constantly in some kind of pickle over his naive and trusting nature. He had his catch phrases, which he made famous , such as “Shazam “, and of course there was Surprise!, Surprise!, Surprise!, and of course “Garsh” and ” Gall-lee”. At the time you could pretty much count on hearing at least one of those every episode. However, I would like to focus in on one of his lesser known saying, in fact, I think that it was only used twice throughout the entire series and it probably didn’t originate with him. I’m not sure of it’s origin, so it possibly is an old Chinese Proverb, or came from some ancient Greek philosopher. I spoke of Pyle’s gullibility, so from time to time someone may take advantage of that, and when it was brought to his attention, his antidotal response would have been ” Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice and shame on me”. This reference is for people who have a hard time learning from life’s school of hard knocks. I guess we have all at some point been on the loosing end of a proposition and left holding the short straw, as it was. We don’t like to admit to being dooped, especially if you went into it with well honorable intentions. It doesn’t matter if it’s a practical joke, a business deal gone bad, or a relationship gone airy, that ended up in dysfunction. No, the list doesn’t stop here, there are just tons of options for the proverbial wool to be pulled over our eyes. None the less, they leave us feeling a little less secure than before. I think the immediate response of the flesh is to want to get even or some how retaliate, you know the whole eye for eye thing. If we can somehow manage to maneuver past that, the process should move towards forgiveness, healing and some form of reconciliation. I know that this is a difficult and not always a painless endeavor. Actually we are talking about how do we let down our guard enough to trust again, and in some cases, how do we open ourselves up again to the possibility of love or friendships , with the full knowledge of knowing that you are taking another possible shot at being hurt once more. See, if we are dooped by a practical joke, it doesn’t carry anywhere near the significance of a fractured or broken heart. See, a friend can prank you and the very next moment, you guys are still friends, and laughing and of course that depends on the nature of the prank. Some how that doesn’t follow the same pattern for a crushed heart in what feels like a million pieces. Pyle is correct in his summation, if you fall for the same sad story or step into the same bear trap, then, yes you should be ashamed of not learning the lesson there. We all have heard that the heart wants! ,,what the heart wants ! , and yes sometimes, it’s almost as if we are asking for it. How do we know who to trust? and who is serious, ? opposed to someone just playing the field?. That is not an easy question to answer, especially when you have so many smooth talkers out there, saying the things that you want to hear. I’m not sure what we get by becoming jaded, and I’m sure if you have been out in the dating sies pool long enough, you have probably paid for some of the mistakes of the previous relationship, or you have in turn been on the other end of that, and not given someone a fair opportunity to get close to you. It’s not easy to let your guard down, after being slashed on the jagged rocks of love. This is always extra painful, when you believe that you did your do diligence and was absolutely sure that this person was the “ONE”. The “ONE”, doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t ever have an argument or disagreement, but you believe that you both possess the communication skills, patience, and most importantly, the experience, to have some shot at happily ever after. I will admit that this does require some level of skill and giving of your self at this stage of life. Most of us are very set in our ways by this phase of life, and it’s rare to find someone with the flexibility to be able to honestly share their world with you. This is a place where you will find many who want their cake and eat it too . I have happened upon many who want the benefits of a relationship, without actually being in one. This looks differently for each situation. Some just want actual companionship, which may mean someone to check in with from time to time with the occasional date night . Others may want to kick it up a notch with a romantic element, and this is where it gets slightly tricky, because for some they may want exclusiveness, while some may be more so casual, with the “love the one you are with” mentality. Some may want to take it a little further with cohabitation, and this can be another balancing act. If both have established residents, then it becomes about finding some solution, which is rarely let’s get rid of both places, and get one that would be both ours, because this would not be eating your cake and having it too. This is to much like a traditional setup, and it make many uncomfortable, after a lifetime of acquiring what they believe to be legacy or a possible inheritance for offspring, which is further complicated by both having children that are not a collective of their time together. Yes, it is a tangled web we have weaved. My personal experience has been with a woman who wants some form of exclusivity, with the occasional kitty scratching, but being free to make antonyms decisions, but at the same time expecting a level of loyalty from the unsuspecting partner. She has expressed that this is selfishness on her part, but has stated this is cost of admission, if you want to ride the ride or be with her. Its a little crazy for me , because I’ve never mastered the casual thing, and its not just casual, but it comes with that twist of having it her way, yep!, just like Burger King, and I don’t even think that they say that any longer. On the surface it made me think of that old Supreme Court decision “About separate but equal “. That didn’t work then and I don’t believe that it plays any better today. On some level, I’m completely fascinated with all of the extremely lucrative deals that people come up with, and noticed the word I used to describe it. It’s not mutually beneficial, but for one side of the transaction it has a major upside. We know in life that there are givers, and yes there are takers as well . This is where Pyle’s advice comes in handy, we need to be able to identify who we are working with and make sure that we don’t fall for the same mumbo jumbo. I forgot a critical piece of information that I shared with my kids when they were growing up and that is talk is cheap. Don’t judge people off of what they say, but by what they do. The Bible talks about out of the heart we speak and act. It’s very true, if a man tells you that he loves you and at the same time he abuses you, the truth is not in the middle, it’s in his actions. At least you should think that he has a very funny or bizarre way of showing and expressing his affections towards you. I think sometimes we get caught up in people’s words and have a tendency to overlook their actions. See, this is where we are supposed to play, does the walk match the talk. We love the affirmation and the words sound so sweet, because that is what we feel and share towards them and we want to hear that in return. Personally, I’m a firm believer in learning and taking something away from every experience and situation . It’s not always pleasant and positive, but some little jewel or nugget of wisdom should be redeemed from the process. If you learn something along the way, then you should count it a win, even if it cost you something and came with some considerable amount of pain. I learned things about myself and that is something that I can always use moving forward. I wish that I could say that I learned something about the other party, but sadly reaching a certain age and not knowing who you are or what you want or want out of life is a little sad. I don’t know if they don’t know, or if they are just unsettled and are blown and tossed about by every emotion of , if it feels good, then do it. The one thing I did take away is that I could and did a long distance relationship and at a high level, even if I was in it mostly by myself. Prior to this experience , that would have been a hard No for me . So the lesson here, is to make sure its with the right person and someone equally invested, or at least has the same mind set. I picked up some previously unused tools, such as the video chat, cards and letters, yes snail mail still counts and is kind of romantic at this day and age. And nothing says I love you, like a surprise pop in unexpected visit. And don’t underestimate Amazon, they can be extremely timely with a rare hard to find fragrance ☺️, and of course proflowers, they do a good job for the most part. See, you have to find ways to stay connected, whether its those long phone calls, or text messages, throughout the day. I will say this, I know that long distant relationship aren’t everybody’s cup of tea. I have met several people who have done it and it ended up in marriage. Yes, it requires someone who can communicate well, and trust and loyalty are big key components. Also you both have to be able to travel, so if you have pets and kids, then that is a consideration as well. I will further say this, on a planet with seven or eight billion people, why would you expect your ideal and unique match to be next door, or in the city adjacent to yours.? Its not the 1950s any longer, and more than ever , everything is on a global scale. Furthermore, I would hope that long distance, doesn’t mean forever, meaning you guys have some sort of plan to get closer to one another, in the form of a relocation, job change, so you can work remotely, or waiting for the kids to leave the nest, or retirement, and that is the one I’m looking forward to. Gomer is absolutely correct, if you allow your world to be turned upside down, by some smooth talking…….and you can feel in the blank after that, then yes, it’s a shame on you for falling for the same false . Privado….more than once. For those of us who identify as Hopeless Romantics, and no, I have no idea, how I became that, we need to remember to guard our hearts, and when we do decide to let our guards down, that it’s for someone who is highly qualified to take care of it and protect and nurture it. We have to remember to not become, what we have experienced .I spoke earlier about how abused people sometimes become abusers themselves, and perhaps that is what happened here, she had so many negative experiences, that was all she knew and became the thing that she didn’t like. I guess its some form of a preemptive strike, get them before they get you, again extremely sad ,and should probably be pitted. See ,if we let the dysfunction to become the norm, then it’s a little bit like loosing a piece of your soul and letting Evil win the day. Gomer Pyle’s words are wise ,,however we shouldn’t let ourselves become jaded, but learn to be more cautious, and to watch out for wolves dressed in sheep clothing .
- Ok, until next time ✌️
- Sandy The Southerner
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