- Not The Only One !
- Post # 34
- Number # 4
- Hey gang , I just got a little One for you on the heels of the Supreme Court’s reversal of a monumental decision, that stood for almost fifty years. I was going to weigh in on it, but I already get plenty of rage from some of you, so I thought that I might side step it for now, but I’m sure that it will be revisited somewhere in the future. So, sometimes I give you guys a little glimpse into my background and some of the whacky things that have influenced me in my life, and has shaped the person that I am today. So, today you get a little peek behind the curtain, sort of :):). I am the oldest of what use to be six kids, I know some of you are thinking oh wow!, but back in the day, large families were the norm. This was before birth control was a must have, and prior to planned Parenthood being on every corner. So we are all guys, with the exception of my baby sister, who was the last in the line, but wanted to be first to check out the accommodations in heaven. So we are all college educated and a couple of them have advanced degrees, and one a standout with four separate degrees, I guess he had trouble trying to figure out what he wanted to be when he grew up:):). The break down is as follows, two of us are in transportation, and two are in education, and one has just retired from 30 plus years in law enforcement. We are very average, and for the most part epitomize the middle class folk, all across this great nation of ours. Our mother is now in her mid eighties, if I’m being nice about it. I’m not thinking that my mother is slipping mentally, but years ago , she took an early out from being a civil servant, so she has been retired for some time, but she still has a bounty of words and not always someone to share them with, so sometimes we will get the same conversation from her more than once. Ok, so maybe just a smidgen pinch of slipach as in not remembering who she told what to whom. This is also slightly exasperated by the fact that four out of the five of us have names or nicknames that start with the letter “D”. So a few years ago, my mom decided to start referring to us by numbers. So, me being the oldest, I’m number #1, and so on it goes, straight down to number # 5. And me being number #1 , does not make me a first officer on a star ship, known as ” Enterprise “☺️We are all an odd, strange sort of guys, with varied interests and hobbies. We all have different takes politically, not what you may expect , being raised in the same household. I’m probably the most conservative out of the bunch when it comes to politics and we have one or two, who run all the way over to the NPR ,perspective and drink the Kool-aid, pretty seriously. There was a little bit of a spread between my folks and my dad who is no longer around either, ,was pretty old school, almost to the point of barefoot and pregnant, which might help explain why there is so many of us.:):). Truth be told, they were hoping for a little girl, which they finally got. However, my mom had a different spin on things and she wanted to make sure that we weren’t a burden to the next generation of women. And with that, she domesticated us as much as possible. Now, your thinking, what was meant by that? . It meant that we all can fend for ourselves. We all know how to cook , we can sew, clean house, iron clothes and in my mother’s words , we only need a woman, for one thing. :):). And that is debatable, unless your hand gets tierd, yep said it.:):). Let’s, get back on track, ok, so numbers #3 & #5, have both been married to the same woman for over thirty years, and yes that can be a feat now days, to the best of my knowledge, both are great husbands and fathers. Numbers # 1 and #2, have both been married more than once, and for one of them, that is not general knowledge among the family. Ok, so this brings us to number #4. So, number, #4 has never, walked the isle and made vows to a woman. However he is the only one, who has ever had baby momma drama, and had it in Spades. I will go on record and say that I’m not a fan of kids being born out of wedlock, because I it puts them at a disadvantage ,and I believe that kids do far better in a two parent dynamics and in a committed relationship, it ,just makes things a little tidy , and the children are more secure, and usually thrive better under a traditional environment. I know that things happen and this is not always possible, or ideal, if there is some kind of abuse or other non positive factors present. In the current environment, there are all kinds of parenting scenarios out there . I get that women wanting to be a mom, and just never found the right partner for that, and they choice to go it alone. I further recognized that there are a ton of deadbeat sperm donors, who can’t be a fathers because they are to busy being selfish and or immature. I don’t want you to think that I am a complete neanderthal , so I don’t believe that you should get married just because someone is pregnant. And I’m not even going to weigh in on sex outside of marriage, because that would make me a complete hypocrite. There is much more that can be said here, and probably could dedicate several post to the topic, but that is not what we are here for. We are here to talk about number # 4. He has always been kind of a happy go lucky type. I guess that is another way of saying live and let live. However he has had baby momma drama, almost from day one of his son being born. I can barely wrap my mind around, court dates, visitations, and custody hearings. Seem every time you turn around there is a new wrinkle, as to her just having the ability to up and move on a dime. I have only met her once or twice, she didn’t look like a gypsy, but she does a great impression of giving them a bad name. ☺️. This has been going on for almost two decades, now that his son is seventeen and getting ready to graduate from high school. This has been one of those deals where the lawyers love dumb people, because I have to say that is what they have both demonstrated. I really can’t say that either of them have had their son’s best interest at stake. He is my brother, but he doesn’t get a pass. I get that there is something known as recreational sex, and again, not a fan so much. I have a dear friend down in beautiful Charleston, S. C., and I remember back a few years ago when her oldest daughter turned up pregnant. I probably shouldn’t admit that I had fun in my head with this, as she asked her daughter, what were her plans with the father and were they going to become a family or not. Her daughter was, very blunt with her mom about the guy not being dad or marriage material. So , of course her mother wanted to know what they were doing together, if she felt that way about him. My friend truly struggled with her 26 year old daughter telling her that he was just a booty call. Yes, mom, I’ve got needs.:):). Let’s just face it, it’s not one of those conversations that you really want to have with your kid. We all get that they are probably doing something, but at the same time , this is the perfect place to institute Bill Clinton’s, ” don’t ask, don’t tell” policy . Ok, detour over, back to number # 4. He has had so much drama with this woman for so long, that I think if it were me I could probably muster the strength to be celibate, or at least get a vasectomy. This process has been way more painful than any root canal, or surgical procedure that you could imagine. If I had to find a way to characterize it , it would probably be something closer to being a POW, yes that’s it, a prisoner of war. I know that I haven’t given a lot of details here, but I some how I am a little embarrassed that my own flesh and blood could be a part of, some of the ridiculous things that have taken place, such as the child support money, going some place other than to support the child. It’s kind of obvious, it’s right there in the name of it ” child support “. I will admit that there have been times when my brother wants to vent about it , that I’m playing one of my favorite soundtracks in my head, while all along thinking, here we go again. It’s almost as he would rather complain about it, than do what’s necessary to fix it. I mean the kid is seventeen now, so maybe a little light at the end of the tunnel….not so much! Ok, put your seat belts on and return your serving trays to the upright position. So a couple of months ago, my brother goes by and decides to take my mother out to lunch. That’s a win- win, because she likes getting out and having someone pay attention to her, or cater to her, plus it gives her a chance to use up some of those extra words of hers☺️. So, while at lunch, my brother begins to question my mother about how many grandsons she has. So she tells him and begins to think to herself, am I loosing it , or do I need to take my shoes off , so I can’t count with my toes, wait a minute, it’s not that many of them.☺️. Ok, where is all this going? This is number #4 sideways attempt at telling her she is going to be a grandmother again. What????, no way!! Yes way!. See as human beings, God gave us the gift and ability to learn, which apparently #4 , has lost the ability to do. Don’t get me wrong, have I made mistakes and then repeated them, absolutely, but I try and stay away from the super colossal ones that cause me great pain and discomfort, and again, not saying that I’m always successful with that either, but at some point you just got to say No! , or if you prefer, OH! Hell No!! And for you smart asses out there thinking that I’ve been married more than once, well they weren’t mistakes, but great opportunities for learning , and yes I did learn things, but not things that would require eighteen years or better, not to mention how much it cost to raise kids now days. So , the one who is getting ready to graduate high school, was done when my brother was forty, so you do the math on that one. He will be way past social security and may not even be around by the time this one graduates high school. Ok, so no one in the family has met this woman, or knows anything about her, other than she is having my brother’s baby, and I can’t believe that I just said that. Number #4 , is close with #5 wife, my sister in law, so after his huge reveal ,,she begins to pump him for information. She gets a few details such as the baby’s due date, which is the end of June 2022. He tells her that she had two other children, early twenties and a teenager, which doesn’t tell us much, she could have been a teen mom herself, so having a twenty years old wouldn’t necessarily make her to old to be having a kid. And he met her in a round about way through work, and remember, he’s a teacher and coach at a public school. All this put aside, I’m thinking….really, you want to start this process all over again, after the last time out. ?We mostly judge people through our perspective, so for me, I’m like really being a dad to a newborn at this stage and age in life…just shoot me in the head I’m not signing up for that, grandparent, great!, but not dad, no way, no how. I know that people do this everyday, but they are usually people who can afford nannies and what not, and that is definitely not my brother. He has been genuinely excited about it, and it has put a new spring in his step. We ran into each other , one day and he asked me if I heard he was going to be a dad again? I said, yes I had, and he said that I hadn’t said anything, and I’m thinking, what is there to say, except really!!, and you haven’t figured this out yet!! Well he has been shopping and preparing for the new arrival. I can’t remember him being this happy since the last time he found out that he was going to be a dad, but somehow, it’s almost as if he hasn’t connected the dots, or is that just me? Again she hasn’t gotten an intro to the family and none of us could pick her out of a lineup with other pregnant moms to be. I don’t know what all of the mystery could be, or is it that I just don’t care. I don’t want to be callous here, but I’m like dude, what the hell are you thinking? No mention of him loving this woman, or anything formal as towards commitment, so it sounds like another casual thing and he has seduced her with his culinary skills. That’s just great another baby momma deal, and we all know how well the last one turned out. He has been really happy, and I should find the energy to rejoice with him, but in the back of my head, I’m thinking that this is a kid that you won’t be able to get on the floor and play with, and if you do, who is going to be there to help you back up:):). And again, his chest is out, and extremely proud and excited, which is what you ideally want in a father to be. I’m going to put the spoiler alert out and tell you that this post is going to end with an unexpected twist, just like a great book or movie, which probably came from a book in the first place. And no, I’m not saying that this compares to a great anything. Alright the due date comes and goes, and there are no updates, or cigars being past out, and my overly excited brother has become as quiet as a church mouse. So we are thinking that the baby is just late, after all due dates are just an educated guess. So after a week, the family begins to get a little cynical , because that is who we are. The running joke was that the kid was Asian, and obviously not his:):). The truth was something far worse, the baby was stillborn and he and the mother had been mourning their loss. It’s always hard to loose a kid, even if it’s one that you haven’t met yet. I felt truly sorry for him and at the same time, I felt a sense of relief for him that I don’t think he would ever share or feel that way about it. She has been a mystery and if things hold to form, its really hard for couples to stay together after the loss of a child. I really don’t have words to add to this one, so , if you have kids, regardless of their age, remember what a blessing they are.
- Until next time , Peace
- Sandy The Southerner
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