Howdy! Thank you for checking in and stopping by to see what my busy brain is up to . I called this one the landscape and as you read on, you will see why . It has been almost a dozen years or so since I last had a ring on my ring finger. I have been dating most of that time, off and on, and I have met some pretty interesting people during that time. You can say, that I have been in search of the ” one “. And while I thought that I had finally zeroed in on that with Ms. Annomuis, the jury is still out, and a decisive verdict has not been reached on that case, not just yet, God still get the final say on that one. What I would like to talk about is some of my adventures, missteps, and observations during this decade plus. Over the years I have been on multiple dating websites, and while I would not recommend one over any other, they all have had some degree of success. The last twelve years has yielded four romantic relationships, and they have all ended for one reason or the other, so they were not successful, if the end result was to find a partner to finish the dance with. We all bring a certain amount of dysfunction to the party , known as baggage. And at this stage of the game everyone has some, and some more than others. If I were a fisherman and I told you about the one that got away, it would most definitely be the first lady that I got involved with after my wife and I split. I will go on the record and say that one was all on me. I completely blew that one up, and I can tell you that she didn’t deserve what she got from me. I was an emotional dumpster fire, and completely clueless about what a wreck I was following the end of an almost twenty year marriage. She paid for every sin of my ex wife and I hope one day to be able to give her the most sincere apology. And if you are wondering why I haven’t already done that, it is because I hurt her so badly that she doesn’t speak to me and I can’t say that I blame her. I was extremely destructive and if you are familiar with “FUBAR”, then you get the picture. I think over the years I have read through hundreds of profiles, probably closer to a thousand, and I just love sifting through them to see what little secrets are tucked away in them. Honestly you can’t be at this as long as I have and not picked up a thing or two. I would guesstimate that I have probably spoken to probably close to a hundred different ladies, most of them not face to face, but through a text, an email, by phone, and some video chats as well . I could take you back to ” my space” , just to truly capture the adventure. Yeah, some of you guys remember the modem, waiting to connect and that horrible noise that it made, while waiting to get online. While I have deciphered, analyzed and researched through so many profiles over the years, I would not consider myself an expert or an authority. The honest to God truth, the only thing that I’m an expert at is getting myself into trouble and being places that I should have probably never been in the first place. There have been some single dates, that just stood alone, and there has been a particular lady ,that I had several dates with, but no chemistry, and she has become a good friend or sounding board, if you prefer. She is not the only one, I have made several friends over the years from dating sites. There is this one in Charleston, S.C. , who has become like a sister to me, and she just recently lost her mother, so my heart goes out to her and she is in my prayers. Ok , so let’s move forward and broad brush stroke the landscape . As I said before, profiles often carry little secrets if you pay attention because women for the most part put it out there and lead with their emotions and it can often tell you where they have been and the places that they never wish to return to. Ok, I’m not gay, nor am I bisexual, so I don’t see, or read what the guys are putting out there, but its probably just as comical and perhaps on some level sad, and I say that because us as men are really good at compartmentalizing our emotions , feelings and experiences. Ok, so back to the landscape, I find it extremely disturbing that women, encounter so many men with hygiene issues, I’m like really? , what are we twelve years old?. At this stage in life if you can’t brush your teeth and take a shower , just save your money from being on a dating site and move to the woods and spend some time with ” big foot”. This is another hot button for women, they are not looking for a person who is controlling. I mean like who is looking for that, outside of someone with a domination fantasy. There are just so many cliches out there, that after while they become tedious. Let’s get into a few of them, they want someone fun, or somebody who likes to do stuff. I guess this one is on us guys, because once we hunt and once cut one from the herd, we can get pretty relaxed. We can put our feet up to watch the game a beer in our hand and we are good to go 😀. All that romance stuff, well I guess that is mostly over, and she is going to be mostly over you, pretty quickly. What is this thing with, I like to laugh? Who doesn’t like to laugh?. I get if you say it’s a bonus if you can make me laugh, but again, who doesn’t like to laugh, ? ok, maybe a monk who has taken a vow of silence, but aren’t they celibate anyway, ?probably not on a dating site . Ok, here is another one that I see a ton, looking for someone family oriented. I think that this is probably something that you should probably investigate during the discovery process, because when men read that , they are mostly thinking that you have a huge family and that means a lot of new names to remember and that might just be to much like work.😀 Even if someone is family oriented, that doesn’t mean that they are going to jive with your clan. Everyone’s family experience can be so different as to whether they are close knit, or they could be a little like the Hatfields and McCoy’s. There are a lot of women who say that they are shy, and that’s probably useful information, because it could be taken as uninterested or indifference. There is also a lot of them who profess to be retired but they are still mostly working , so I don’t mostly know if that is because they are not proud of what they do, are they transitioning or do they not exactly know what retirement is. And I get that people do things to keep busy and active, and I understand that it can be a dream or something that they are working towards, but just say that. Here is one of my favorites and I see this in about thirty-five percent of the profiles. I’m not looking for a hook up and I’m not a booty call 😀. On the surface I’m thinking, why would you lead with that? I mean they have websites specifically for that now, and no I’ve never subscribed to one. I will say this, I have been completely surprised by the number of women, who tell me that men have pushed for sexual favors on a first date, or send inappropriate pictures as soon as they get their number. Nothing says swipe left, like opening a text message and seeing a picture of someone’s junk. That is just shameful and your mother didn’t raise you right! I kind of hit one this one a little bit in a previous post, but I don’t know which is worse, that the guys just whip it out, or the poor woman with low self esteem, who feel that is the only way to get a second date. I have actually heard that probably from half of the women that I spoken with….talking about having a pair balls!. There is not a lot of diversity out there when it comes to matching up with something different. Most of the time they can look at your job or education level and make a quick judgment call as to whether to move on to the next one. On the other hand there is so much left open for interpretation, because when you discuss travel partners, one is thinking roughing it in a tent at a national park, and the other is thinking four star dining and hotel accommodations on a international level. There is nothing wrong with either of these options, you just need to make sure that you are both on the same page. Some people age better than others and I only bring this up because sometimes people post old photos and if they date them with something recent, then I would consider that full disclosure. One last one before we head to the deep end of the pool. The pictures with the over the top workouts and the ones, that make you think that they are just a little to close to their cats and dogs, …I want to say boundaries, but I get it, sometimes we rescue animals and sometimes its the other way around. I will admit that I probably have missed out on some amazing women, simply because they have a cat in the picture and I know that I’m allergic, so I think what is the point, just like I do with smokers. Ok If you know me than you know that I was probably going to get here. In the introduction, I said that this blog is not for sissies, because I’m politically incorrect and I said that we would cover from time to time the big three, and that being sex, religion and politics. Ok, so we talked about how some guys will just whip it out, so that covered the sex part. As far as the politics goes I have noticed that a majority, I will put it that way, a majority of the women online identify as liberal to extremely liberal and I have a theory as to why that is, but I’m not going to get into that one so much, because you know I want to address the last one more in detail. I guess, I will just say religious affiliations. I understand that the masses, have had a horrible church or religious experience somewhere in their travels, myself included. I will also concede that churches, Temples, and Mosque are heavily dominated by hypocritical thinking people. I don’t have any problem with you calling them out, because it does exist on some level and that is just the way it is. This is not new , even Jesus in his time of walking the earth called them out on it as well. He said they don’t enter the kingdom and they prevent others from doing so as well. So this is all leading up to a huge percentage of women who identity themselves as spiritual but not religious. I guess I would just love some clarification as to what that exactly means. Oh, and yes ,I have asked. The answers that I have received, has left me with more questions than answers, and more confused than before the conversation began. It means a wide range of things, and everyone seems to have their own individual slant on it. Upon further probing some are clearly in the agnostic category. They are clearly comfortable there, and they don’t believe that it needs, nor requires any further investigation. I think its that traditional fire insurance policy. What I find a little bit more scary or unsettling is the number of people who have two, three or more different religions beliefs all rolled up into one. Yeah! I got to give it to them, it’s pretty convenient, but if they look pass the surface, much of them contradict one another, and again they are quite comfortable there as well. I think for a large portion of them it means whatever they want it to mean on or at any given time and place. If the goal is to have no clear guidelines, boundaries, or absolute truth, then they are clearly in the driver’s seat, or should we say that they serve a dual role as pilot and copilot. I don’t want to beat a dead horse here, because I don’t believe you can win over or convince anyone with a lot of rhetoric . The old saying is if you can argue someone into heaven, then someone else can come along and argue them out, and that is extremely true. The whole God thing is about a heart condition, it can start of in your intellect, but at some point it has to involve your heart. I am somewhat familiar with most “religions “, some more than others, and have had a fair amount of evangelism training. My point is and always will be that genuine Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship with God, in the person of Jesus Christ. I’m not going to get on my high horse here ,I just don’t understand how so many people can be comfortable with basically sticking their heads in the sand, when it comes to spiritual matters. I only say that because of the shifting framework for which they base their spirituality on. As I have stated before, my faith is not blind, there is just tons of evidence for the Resurrection, and so many prophecies to stand on. When I look at what I consider to be overwhelming evidence, the things that I don’t understand or can’t figure out, mostly because of my spiritual immaturity, I’m willing to exercise my faith in those areas, because the bottom line is about trusting God. The hope is for eternal life, or in other words, another life when this one is done. If you trust God for the biggest thing that there is, how can you not trust Him on all other issues. Yes, this is where the rubber meets the road, but that is exactly why it’s called faith. Ok, I’m wrapping up, I truly believe that each and every individual who has ever walked the earth has a God size hole in their being. If you don’t recognize this in your own life, its because , one you are already a believer, or you have tried to fill it with other things. The problem is that those other things don’t fill that void or satisfy the longings that you possess. That is why, when you achieve a goal or reach some status, you still feel empty or unsatisfied. And it doesn’t matter what it is, just to name a few, so you can find yourself here. The six figure income, the big house in the prestigious neighborhood, the expensive luxury automobile, the beach house, the fat 401k, the perfect children, that great boat, that VP spot that you have been working so hard for, or a partnership at a firm, and the list goes on and on. And you wonder why it never satisfies, it’s because you are trying to put a square peg in a round hole. So much striving for significance and recognition. There is only one thing that belongs there and its a relationship with God. I will say this, there is absolutely nothing wrong with those before mentioned things , but its about perspective and priorities, because when its out of whack, those things become your god, and you will worship them .If you are comparing yourself to your friends and colleagues, there will never be satisfaction in your life because you are completely missing the point. If we were in a court of law, this would be my summation or closing argument. I remember when 9- 11 happened, and we saw all of the senators and congressmen aligned on the steps of the Capitol, a united front of sorts, but why do we have to wait for something horrifying to happen before we seek God?. A relationship with God is something that you should have in place before the unthinkable occurs in your life, so that you may endure it and come out stronger on the other side. I will close with this, its your head and maybe in the sand is where it belongs, or not so much! Until next time ✌️
When reading this post I hand to go to the dictionary and look up the word “landscape”; as I wanted to fully understand the content. As I read the various definitions I began to realize that; when we speak of the landscape of our lives it takes time to review the evolving landscape as we live this journey of life. The core of who we are is sometimes a mystery to even us. As you speak of the dating saga of your journey this past decades was there a thought of what I bring to this endeavor and how the loves I lost and the friends made impacted my landscape. I wholeheartedly agree that religion is a relationship with God that is based in trust and is personal. Landscape can be rich in beauty, joy and peace when we remove the weeds in our minds that prevent us from truly appreciating the jewels as well as the daisies that shine for us even in our highest level of wanting and regret. Just a thought. Aka Frank 😊
When reading this post I hand to go to the dictionary and look up the word “landscape”; as I wanted to fully understand the content. As I read the various definitions I began to realize that; when we speak of the landscape of our lives it takes time to review the evolving landscape as we live this journey of life. The core of who we are is sometimes a mystery to even us. As you speak of the dating saga of your journey this past decades was there a thought of what I bring to this endeavor and how the loves I lost and the friends made impacted my landscape. I wholeheartedly agree that religion is a relationship with God that is based in trust and is personal. Landscape can be rich in beauty, joy and peace when we remove the weeds in our minds that prevent us from truly appreciating the jewels as well as the daisies that shine for us even in our highest level of wanting and regret. Just a thought. Aka Frank 😊