NTOO-Not The Only One!
Post # 15
PUT A NAIL IN IT !
HOWDY!
And once again welcome aboard. I’m not real sure where you come down on the whole astrology thing, I don’t put alot of stock in to it, but sometimes it’s hard to deny the similarities of people who are born around the same time of the year. I know first hand about how stubborn a Taurus can be, my mom . I have seen Libras, attempting to keep harmony and peace , sometimes at a high cost to themselves. And of course the Gemini, that can be like two entirely different people within a moments notice. Scorpios are or can be super sensitive and extremely sexual. At the same time, no one does scorched earth like a scorpio. Scorpios are fiercely loyal, but they aren’t the ones that you want to cross. They love like nobody else, but when they are wounded, they can be as equally treacherous . You may be wondering where all of this is coming from. Well! Myself and Ms. Annomuis had a really ugly ,knock down, dragged out fight the other night. It’s nothing like knowing someone, so you can point out all of their flaws and weaknesses, and boy did we do that! I’m not going to get into specifics ,because that would be like inviting you into our bedroom, and I wouldn’t do that, no more than I want to know what you do behind closed doors. I will just say that we both got our jabs in, accompanied by the occasional below the belt comments . It was so bad, that the only thing I could think of at the time was, “put a nail in it”, as in this coffin is done and there will never be a need to reopen it ever again. We were done! Finished! , and good riddens!. Help me out here,, how is that two people who love each other , be so mean and nasty to one another? When I finally calmed down, I realized that much of it for myself is frustration, and probably some for her as well, but still there is no excuse for that. I have to give a little detail for it to make sense. Ms. Annomuis became aware that I had been speaking online to someone else. She has been giving me nothing but negative feedback about our “questionable “relationship. She has backed away from, or basically done a one- eighty from where we were a year ago. It takes the tone of , I just want to be by myself, not interested in doing any of the stuff that we had talked about or was working towards. Holy! Bait and switch. This has been extremely frustrating for me, because I always felt as if I had a handle on things and knew who I was hitching my wagon to but….not so much! She has turned out to be really great at waffling. And in my book, that makes her a big fat liar. I could see her being very successful in politics, yep, I said it . Im kind of make a decision and stick with it guy, not saying that you may not have to reevaluate down the road, but nothing is worse than a fence sitters and flip floppers. How do you build something with someone who is doing their best impression of the weather man, and sticking their finger in the air and see which way the wind is blowing.? At some point our relationship was going so well that I said , if this didn’t work out, or wasn’t all that I believed it to be, then I would just be done with seeking after a partner to finish with, because i didn’t believe i could ever find this again, let alone something better. I just know how well we clicked and fit together . It was so ideal, and far as I could see, we had one major hurdle to cross, and it was in the faith arena. I’m not making that out to be a small thing , but just always believed that it would work it’s self out. Then again, could just be something else she was exercising her prerogative to change her mind about. She was actually hurt that I wouldn’t choose to sit on the sidelines the rest of my life , because she had wrecked me for all other women. I have noticed that she likes drama on some level and that is indineable. She can over look anything positive going on in and around her life, but if she thinks she sees an opportunity for a big Aha! moment, she is all over that. Yes, I’m aware of her flaws and yes I have mine as well. I just believe that when you love someone, you sometimes have to have blinders on about certain things. If they are not a big deal breaker for you, and its manageable, you choose to overlook it and move forward. If I’m being honest here, I’m the one that ramped things up into the ugly level, she was playing a head game, which I was not feeling…at all! And as I said before , no one does scorched earth like Scorpios, we don’t take prisoners, and we don’t play nice, we play for keeps. And once we let you in , you have to decide if that is where you want to be or not, because we don’t do anything half way. Bottom line is you are either in or out, we don’t much leave room for you to figure it out, because we let you know what you were getting when we let you in, in the first place. I’m not proud of all the hurtful and unpleasant things that we said to one another, but it was a new paragraph for us, and noticed that I said paragraph and not chapter . I know that most all couples have disagreements and fights, but I have to say that it caught me off guard . I was probably being naive, just thinking that at this stage in life, we would be above that, or some how navigate it much better, but again…not so much ! I guess because of our sin nature, we never fully out grow our Jekyll and Hyde mentality. We can go from being the most loving, edifying, whispering sweet nothings person’s, to the stick a dagger in and make sure we are twisting it and turning it for maximum damage.
This post, like most is not written in real time. Point being, we found our way back, but still doesn’t make up for where we went that evening. I am always encouraged that we seem to find our way back a place of neutrality. I guess that is mostly her seeking to have balance and harmony, because once again, the scorpio is all in. I guess we made up, no make up sex😀, and maybe that is the problem. I digress, but we regained our composure and step away from the apocalypse. The ball is firmly in her court, I don’t feel comfortable just calling her to say I love you any more, or asking how her day was, she has moved away from that and I feel as if I must as well. I know that some of you skeptics in the audience are wondering about the God factor, that I was so heavily leaning on, well He hasn’t said anything differently, in fact He has doubled down on it. He made His point that He is always seeking after us and loving us, even when so many of us are oblivious and could care less about His favor and provision and protection . He still loves us and He has challenged me to do the same. He wants me to continue to show her love, even if it’s not returned, and for me that is a tall order. I think maybe its a little bit like feeling to be made a fool of, but sometimes that is required. I always think about some eighties movie, where the guy is standing on the front lawn under the girl’s window with the boom box up over his head, playing their song. I’m not afraid to be foolish or to look foolish, as long as I’m not being made a fool of, and sometimes that is how it looks and feels. Well I will keep you posted of any new developments, but for me right now, I am seeking peace, and I wish the same for you.
Until next time ✌️
Sandy the Southerner
