“IT’s A Curse”

• Not The Only!
• 09Jan 25
• Post #173
•         :” It’s  A Curse”
• Howdy!
• Welcome  once more to the madness ☺️. If you are having  trouble  adjusting to  the  new year, then you are not alone  my friend 😀. Have you ever seen  a really  good movie, that starts at the end and then  walks you back all the way to the beginning?  Or maybe  it gives you flashbacks , like bread crumbs,  that are intentionally to lead you into  making the  wrong conclusion as it sets you up for some big  plot  twist? Well, this is none of that, and in fact, I’m not sure what it is myself ☺️☺️. I had three different writing and  they kept  continuing to  want to  be one, and honestly I’m not sure what should  go into it  and what should  go into the  figurative waste basket ☺️
• I feel  as  if we basically hide ourselves, the real us, for fear of rejection. We are to nerdy and  not cool enough, and it’s true of all of us, even  the one’s  whom seem to have it all together. We wear fake persona’s  to hide our insecurities and vulnerabilities. Most of us are pretty fragile about something that most would never know, unless  they took a deep dive into getting to know us , and honestly all of  the  security  measures that we have put into  place, pretty  much ensures that will  not happen☺️. Most people  will  see it as a pretty  good deterrent , and very few will  be willing to invest the time to Crack the  code ☺️☺️. I called  this one ” It’s A Curse ” , because I’m a hopeless  romantic and sometimes  it just  feels like there should  be better  options  than always  being  hopeful about  love. I don’t believe that I’m the only one out on this limb, because it goes to our most basic need and that is to be loved. . I  believe that  love always  wins out. I didn’t  say that it was perfect or painless. There is just  something about a connection with  someone who would  give you a kidney, while  simultaneously  taking a  bullet for you ☺️☺️. I mean  what heights  would you   have to go to  demonstrated, and  to say that I’m all in and that I  would do anything for someone in the name of love?. There is a certain  art form to love, which  has mostly  been  shoveled to the back seat and  not for love making ☺️☺️
• I think what we need here is a little distance an perspective and  as usual, there is always more than  one of those. There is something to be said for being  able  to  zoom out on a situation and  maybe  being able to  see it more holistically than from the  perspective of  I’m never  ever going to  put my heart out there again☺️☺️.  I believe for all of us there was a time in our lives when  love wasn’t  tainted. We never  ask ourselves  when  it became  that way, we just  know that it did and it seems  as  if  it’s always  been  that way…..but that’s not the truth. We may have  to go back to  high school or college, but there was a time when  love was  pure. I say pure because  we didn’t  know  the  pain that often  accompanies love. We didn’t  have all of the baggage and  bad memories that left a bad taste in our mouths. We were fearless  and  believed that  there   was no mountain or  obstacle that our love couldn’t  conquer and  be victorious over. Perspective may say how foolish and naive , but while  we are judging from  protect mode, we never  once consider  if their bravery may payoff for them  and maybe  payoff handsomely. Experience can  be a teacher that is not always  correct.  What I mean by that is , your journey  is  not necessarily  how someone’s else’s journey  may  unfold  regardless of how similar they  may appear to be. Our insights  makes it hard for  us  to accept that at times.
• I want to introduce you to a young couple by the name of Abby and Nick.  I guess if I  were to describe them, I could  say young and  in love, but I  would  also  throw  in the word awkward.  They  come from  different  upbringing and backgrounds. A little  bit like blue collar  meets white  collar. Family and faith  dynamics  very different.  There was much  skepticism from  those peering  in from  the outside.  They  had their struggles  like  most with communications and also  how and what their  relationship was going to  look like. I  think it’s easy  for us to make assumptions  on the behalf  of others as to what they should be  and what will and won’t  work. I won’t  go into  what parents did  or didn’t  do, or what they  said and maybe  just a little  bit of  the sabotage along the way, but they  remained steadfast and  were determined to  work  it out and to figure it out and to understand  that those are not always the same thing ☺️☺️. Kind of sounds like  they  would  be, but not necessarily.
• So!, what does that look like? They weren’t afraid to be exposed to  one another.  They  didn’t  feel  the need to play defense, because they  never ever thought that  the other  didn’t  have their  back or best interest at heart. They  weren’t  afraid  to be or look foolish. When  people  on the outside  of their  relationship  told them  that they  needed  to  be this or that , they just shut out the noise and clung to one another.  They  didn’t  care how it looked to others  or what they  thought about it. Whatever  they encountered,  they just  never gave up, yes frustrations at times, but just  never considering the option to  throw in the towel. The things that  they  dealt  with  was new for them, that’s how they  approached  it, even  if  it was something  that they  had some other  experience with…..really  hard to do. One little  five letter word which  it all hung upon and  it was trust. Trust in the fact that all the days and experiences weren’t  good, but they  were their ‘s to figure out and to make the most of. They  were just  determined to  not try or give up. They  didn’t  know that they  were supposed to  be  afraid of being  hurt and especially not by the  one, who is keeping them  warm at night or making  their  toes curl, or however that works for them☺️☺️. There is something to be said for loving without all of the doubts of what if, because  the what  ifs will  always  be there and that brings us to at least  one other  perspective.  They just  desperately  loved and clung to one another as if it was the very air that they were  breathing.
• I’m going to  say  that  the B side of this recording looks slightly  different, but that’s a lie. It looks vastly  different, because  while  there are similarities, most whom have  been  hurt  by love can never again  open themselves up to it being  like  their very  first time . It’s the yeah!, this feels  good  and familiar, maybe even  better, can’t  tell  because  it’s been  so long☺️☺️, but rarely without the  doubt  of,  is this real, ?can I  TRUST it? and  can I  just  be myself ? and  lean in and they not disappear  on me.” Side bar”, if you  have  found that person  who treats you  like gold after  being  hurt or dumped or both, hang on with all that You have and treat it as if your  very  life depends  on it, because  it just  may very  well! Love looks very  different  on the other  side and it can  be down right  scary. In  some ways it’s like a science project trying  to do some reverse  engineering.  You have  two people  who are trying to  capture the  magic, the formula  for a thirty five or forty year relationship  without actually  having  all the time or work  to put into  it. People  have a rhythm and  flow  and it’s different for  each sub group.  Divorce people  have one, people  who  have  been widowed have another and people  who  go the distance  have  another.  They  have  something that’s  in a class by itself and  it’s nearly impossible  to  duplicate.  They  can  say hard things to  one another and  even  if it wasn’t  said in love, they  know that  they  are still  loved.  They  can ask one another  to look at strange things  growing  on their bodies  and ask them what they  think☺️☺️, you should be  smiling 😃.  When  some family  emergency  comes up in life , they know  exactly  who’s hand they  are  going to be  holding.  They  have a rhythm that  comes across as  a sixth  sense, and they  know  what to pay attention  to  and what to ignore.  They  know  how to push one another’s buttons  just  short  of killing  one another.  It’s a science  developed over years and decades and we are hoping to  find that on a dating  app☺️☺️.
• I said it’s a curse , but perhaps  it’s more like a game of tug of war. I don’t  know  why we think  that we can do two things simultaneously which contradict one another, but we have  that belief. We have this expectation that someone  should  be emotionally available to us , while we consider  if we want to show our cards  or not☺️☺️. How can  we learn  to  trust people  again , and  remember  that they  are  in the exact  same  place that you are, when  we aren’t  willing  to  give what we have an expectation of. At the end of the day , you are looking  for  someone  who is  willing  to  choose you, but  also be willing to  fight for you. They are willing to except you for you. No pretenses, the good , the bad, and maybe a little bit the crazy ☺️☺️. It’s nearly  impossible  to  protect  your  heart and  to allow someone to  love your  heart, without  exposing  it to the possibility of  pain. It’s that rolling the dice thing that  Abby and Nick are so good at. Part of being  truly  loved is to have someone  who anticipates your needs and maybe  even  some of your desires and  that’s really really hard to do if you have your force field up☺️☺️. You can’t  get to know  someone  who doesn’t  want to be known, or wants to be known, but  trust issues  have  them locked  into a tug of war ☺️☺️. I think that  two of the most beautiful  things in any relationship  is growth and sustainability.
• So , the question was asked of me do I believe  in  curses, and the answer is absolutely.  The Chicago Cubs were under a hundred  years Curse,  so the more important question is do I believe that curses can  be broken? And that’s an absolute.  I don’t  believe that it just happens on its own, but usually the  result of a ton of  hard work. Sometimes we have to think  differently about  something that  has been just  hard pressed  into  our thinking. Here’s a  simple example for you. Your relationship  is your  relationship.  It’s unique and  set apart and  it’s not supposed to  look like  anyone’s else’s.  It’s not supposed to  be compared to or have a jury of your peers passing  judgment  on it. The rule  is they  can  look, but they  don’t  get  to speak into it  without you asking  them  their  opinion.  They  should be relegated to a last resort after  talking to  God and then  your  partner.  People  can’t  tell  you  how  your  relationship  should  look or work, because  once they  do, it’s no longer your  relationship, but their ‘s. You wouldn’t  invite them  into your bed, so why would  what they  have to say , be more important than  someone who you would  invite into your bed☺️☺️. It’s not rocket science, it falls more under the common sense  banner. Stop being  so concerned with  what other  people  think, it’s a game that no one wins at and you most likely will  find yourself  alone and turn  into  that cat person, that you  use to make fun of☺️☺️. A relationship is about a cohesive unit working  together with  a common  goal. It’s doomed the minute that it becomes about  self. It absolutely  has to be about  what is best for the whole.  Actually that’s what it’s all about  putting  someone  else  before  yourself….I  don’t  know  how we continue to  miss that.
• I think that I leaned in hard today on the hopeless  romantic thing, but that’s just  one kind of  love and  before  we part ways today I  want  to talk about  family.  In particular I  want to tell you about  my youngest grandson.  His name is Zion and  he’s adopted and fearlessly  loved.  He was almost  three when  he came  to our family, so he knew a life before the one with  us. I have  sometimes  in the past compared him to being  like  a wolf puppy and not a dog puppy . In the beginning he didn’t  feel  safe and instead of  gravitating towards family, he would  sit off by himself  and  see  the world  as something that needed to  be survived and he had thoughts  much like a predator more so than  wanting to  have his  belly rubbed. You may  surmise that  he was rescued  from  a less than  promising situation.   He is now a fully integrated  part of the family and  belly rubbing wouldn’t  even  begin to describe his transformation. I think  that  this is a picture  of us and for us. Before God adopted  me into  His family, I  was that wolf, only  not in puppy  form☺️☺️ . God’s word says that I was His enemy, so at war with  God….WOW ! I can’t  even  imagine such a  thing or  even  how I would  ever hope to prevail  in such a contest. We don’t  see it as war with  God, when  we  go off and do our own thing in our  own way. However, I want  to  assure  you  that  is just  part  of being at war with  the Almighty One.  God wants you to feel  safe and  protected and to be a part of something  bigger than yourself and  that is to be a part of His family.  Some  believe that  since God created  all, and  that   all are his kids and unfortunately, that’s just  not how it works.  God’s kids are all adopted and  believe it or not, He doesn’t  have  grandkids or step kids, just  kids. He is always  trying to  draw us into a  relationship  with  Himself, but He will not bully  Himself  into your life. It may sound  strange or perhaps a little  unsettling, but I  think  that  God is also a  hopeless romantic.  He always loves. He loves without conditions and He loves without  the  fear of being  hurt. See!, most of us don’t  give consideration to what God thinks or feels. Some may even  think  God emotionless , but that is surely  not the case, because God loves and love is an action, and He has backed that up, by making away  for  us to have a  relationship with Himself. All of the things that I pointed  out earlier about  putting  others before  yourself, God has demonstrated time and time again. I guess the  question then  becomes as to whether you want to be in a love relationship with God and one of His adopted kids?  All of the things that  we search for in a  relationship, romantic or otherwise, God offers  freely and  without fail. He’s  never going  to  change  His mind about you. He’s  never  not going  to  fight  for you. He’s never going to  leave you alone with  all of those insecurities running  free range through your  brain☺️☺️ .
• He’s  never not going to  meet your needs, or meet you  exactly where you  are. So if you have some habit or something that you think  makes you undesirable or less wanted, God doesn’t  disqualify you  because of  those things.  He wants to choose you today and tomorrow and   the next , and every day after that, until you  have  no more days.  Don’t  let the curse become  you missing out on God’s love for you ❤️.
• Till Next Time ✌️ Peace!
• Sandy The Southerner

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