” Addiction”

• Not The Only One!
• Post #124
• 14 Mar 24
•        ” Addiction ”
• Howdy,
• And as always, I’m so pleased that you decided  to  check  in.  I  don’t  know about  You  guys, but I’m constantly  amazed by  the  changes in my life, both  the ones I notice and the ones that kind of sneak up on me. ☺️I  spoke  some time  ago  about  getting and receiving the gift of encouragement, and that was a sneaky one. As I’ve gotten  older, I’ve become  much  more  aware  of  my thirst for new knowledge.  I watch  way less TV than I  use to and find  myself  intentionally  digging  into  all sorts of things, and since its intentional , less sneaky.☺️ I  love it when  someone  puts  a  new spin on something, or gets me thinking about  something  in a way  that I  hadn’t  previously  considered.  It’s not as much about changing  your  mind about  something  as it is a broadening and  expansion of your  previous  displacement.  I  like  the  thought  process of being  a  learner and that doesn’t  always have to take  place  in  a  formal  setting  such as a classroom. It could  be  a  shortcut that you  pick up from  the  food network and I  do really  like  food☺️☺️.
• So, let’s  discuss  Addiction today.  We all have some  place that  our brains run to when  we  hear that word. It appears as time rolls on , the area of addiction  continues to  expand.  Twenty  years ago  we didn’t  have  gaming addictions, which  is  somehow  different  from  a gambling  addiction.  They  both  are  games , but one can  leave you broke and homeless ☺️☺️. Really  it’s no laughing  matter and my understanding  is that  gambling is a  huge  problem  more so than in the past with the  online  sports  betting that has become  prominent over the last few years. I  believe  that  most of  the time that We look down on  people with  addictions and  wonder  why they  are  so  weak or just  can’t  seem  to  get  their  crap together.  My goal here today  is to get  you  to look at addiction  in a different  light, and I  can  almost  ensure  you that the  light  will  focus  on you☺️☺️. Well, I know  that  is both  ridiculous and  preposterous ☺️☺️. We shall  see about  that one. Like  most things that were once  hidden  under the  cover of  obscurity, Addictions  have been  drug into  mainstream awareness.  I  want to  say that is a good thing.  If people are ashamed and embarrassed by their  addictions, they  are  less likely to  seek  help.  There is just  so much  information out there about  recovery and  support  groups.  People  who have  never  wrestled  with  addiction  personally or had it impact  their  circle  or sphere of influence  know  something  about  AA, ( alcoholic  anonymous).It has been  portrayed in all sorts of media.  I believe that  it was CBS that had a  sitcom on  a few years back  called ” Moms” , it was tastefully done and it dealt  with  all aspects of  addiction from the  highs and lows. It portrayed what it was like  to  be  clean and sober, and it dealt  with  the  relapse or the falling  off of the wagon.  It  showed  how people  can  be in denial  about  their  problems and  unfortunately some who lost the battle with life.   Almost  all  of  the  sponsors are  people  who  have  been  where the addicts currently  find themselves, and that’s also  a great  thing, because  they  know first  hand what they  are  up against.  It should  inspire  hope that the sponsor has had a level of  success  over their own   demons, and its always about one day at a time . This show and others  like  it  , brings the empathy and  compassion to the  table, that most just  don’t  understand or get, because  they  have  never  walked in their  shoes.
• Little  kids are precious and so dog on honest. They  have  hopes and dreams and  of all of the things that  the little  ones hope  to be when  they  grow up, no one ever says that  they  are  hoping to  be an addict or a junkie  and struggle with some form  of  addiction. Another  misfortunate  piece of the puzzle  is  that  sometimes  babies are born addict , as its something  that was transferred  to  them  through the  womb. No one  sets out to steal  from  family  members or set out on a life of crime just  to  feed a habit. I’ve just   never heard a little  kid say that they  hope one day  to sell their  body  for drugs.  Dependency on any kind  of  drug or  substance is just  ugly  on all sides. Unfortunately I  think  that  we all to often  see some celebrity who has been  in an out of rehab so many  times that it seems  like  a  mockery  of the system and we have trouble  connecting with  that because  of their  prominence or money.  They  represent  such a small percentage of  the population who suffer with  addiction that we have  those thoughts about  the general population and that’s just  not what the data shows. The ones who seek help  and  receive it and stick with  some sort of twelve  step program are usually successful on some level.  It’s something that they  need to  do  for themselves, but it doesn’t  hurt if they  have  other  motivations such as  kids they  may have  lost because of  the  addiction.  They  are  not encouraged to  get  involved with  other  people in a romantic relationship and especially not with  other  addicts. Can  you  imagine  what a fiasco that would be  if they  both  relapsed at the same time ?  Some of  this is just  super  heavy and  extremely  sad, especially when  small  or young children are in the  mix.
• Let’s just call  it what it is. It’s an attempt to  escape  reality.  I’m not going to preach  that  pot is a gateway drug to other  more sophisticated  and damaging  drugs. The  data for that is all over the place and  I  suspect  some bias  based  on  who is conducting and collecting the data. ☺️☺️. Trust me, I get  that life can  be a real  dumpster fire sometimes and I  completely  get  wanting to have some temporary break from  life and  reality.  However, we aren’t  talking about an  occasional  respite.  There is also  something that  is known as  functional addicts. These are people who have  some  level  of  functionality to their  lives.  They  may maintain a  family  life, hold down a job and to the common  observer by  all means  look quite normal.  They may  be  just  a  smidgen more scary because they  believe that they  have  things  under  control, but they  are still  dependent  on  something  to get  them  through  their  day.  Some  times  this may carry  on for years. I  said a smidgen, because they  never  know what may  trigger  them  into  a  place  where  it is no longer  manageable.
• I  want  to  touch on porn real quick and  at the same time  shift gears a little bit.  I know that  people  who  don’t  watch  porn or have a  problem  with  it , think it’s the worst thing  ever ,and I’m not here to change your mind about  that☺️☺️. I  think that  porn is to readily available and sets a lot of unrealistic  expectations.  I’m not going to  debate about  free or freedom  of speech and any  other  nonsense . I’m not a prude by any  means, but I  think  it desensitize us and in  many instances teaches men to  devalue , demoralize or have  little to  no respect  for  women.  There is so much  more here that I  could  say, but not today, perhaps down  the  road. ☺️☺️ This is when  I  transition  into the  other  addicts  out there. I  have  all sorts of people  sending  me stuff, because of this  blog. I get  clips  of  all kinds of  things and even  though  I’m late to the party, I can  tell you  that  I  feel  like  social media is  addicting and sometimes  out of  control.  It hits many of the same stimuli in our brains that triggers  a reward  of sorts. I can’t  be the only  one  who looses track of time, while going  from  video to video, or post to post, while  surfing the  web.  Ok, maybe  that’s  not your  thing.  Are you possibly  a person who  binge watches on Netflix.  Ok, you don’t  want  to  call that an addiction, even  though you can  pause the show ,   you still  have trouble  getting to the  bathroom or to bed☺️☺️. I  will  fess up to doing  the  occasional  comfort food  eating, I wouldn’t  call  it an addiction, but I  know that  many people  wrestle  with  food, just  like  people  do with  drugs  and  other  substances.  There is  a different kind of  addiction that  we are going to talk about  now☺️☺️. Ok, I hope that you are ready because I’m about  to deploy  my huge dragnet that very  few will  be able to  escape ☺️☺️ .
• Let’s call  this next addition ” approval addiction”. This addition is  like a three headed monster , that very few people  are immune to.  Just like any other  addiction, it releases  dopamine in our brains very similar to drugs and alcohol. It is the necessity to be affirmed by others, and it looks something like, am I  a good person  , it manifest  itself into  the  packaging of  how I want others to  see me , based on my exterior, what I do, what I own and do You approve of  what I’m outwardly  promoting.  This is an addiction that grows  with  each round of  positive  feedback.  On the surface  none of these things are  bad in themselves, but it’s the reason  for which we do it. It was some years ago  that LeBron James  let it slip in an interview that  how important it was  to  him that people  like  him.  It goes beyond just  being  a  role model, but something  that  strikes at the core of  his mental stability as a human  being.
• We here in the west are the ultimate,” look at me” society.  All of our social  media  post cry out, look at me and affirm  what I just  shared  with  you.  It doesn’t  matter  if its a picture of  a happy family  doing a game  night, some awesome  vacation, a new toy or house  acquired, and less not forget all of the religious and political  post and videos that  scream  , pick a  side ☺️☺️. We often  equivalent  what we do with  who we are, especially  for men. We  want  people  to  see the positive  side of us , and most have  heard of or been  instructed in putting  your  best foot  forward.☺️☺️ We love the kudos of doing  a good job or being  praised for some accomplishment.  Most people don’t  care for deception, but that is exactly  what  takes place  when  we put  forth  just the  positives without sharing or showing the  other side of the story.  If that isn’t  satisfactory  enough  as an addiction, we have  the what I own, which  often  becomes about  what owns you☺️☺️. The status of  “STUFF”, the draw and pull of having to be seen  as successful.  If this one doesn’t  come with  a heavy  milestone of debt hanging around  your neck , who just  has the time to  maintain  it  all.? I  had a neighbor  with  all of the toys and gadgets and he was enslaved to  all of the maintenance, cleaning, and  various  upkeeping of  said possessions.  He didn’t  own them, they  owned  him. ☺️☺️.  Here is another  one and its about something that should  be  a blessing in your life, but probably  not so much!  The things  that  we do that falls  under the  category  of charities or offering  a helping  hand to someone  in  need.  Ok, I will  pick on celebrities  here, just  so you don’t  feel  so claustrophobic ☺️☺️. Why do we have  to  announce our good deeds?  Two  people  can  do the same  thing, the exact  same thing, but one receives its reward  by telling the world about  how  generous they are and  the  other will  receive  acknowledgement from  God , Himself!  It gets to  be about the  heart ❤️. So in essence we end up doing  a  good thing, with  the  wrong  motivation.  Jesus  said don’t  let your  left hand know what the right  hand  is  doing.  That is a real  challenge, but I do believe over time  if we aren’t  trying  to  impress others  with  our gift giving and generosity, that we can get  kind of close☺️☺️. When  you  see someone  in need regardless of  what it is, our motivation should  be love and love is always pared with  some kind of  sacrifice.  If you stop and change  a tire for someone  on the side of the road, your sacrifice  is your time.  Real  quick, just incase  you  were unaware of this, it’s completely  OK to do nice  things  without  expecting  anything  in return ☺️☺️. Scheming for something  in return  , and getting  praise is a return, if that is Your  what, for the wrong  why!
• Addiction  is real as depression, and both can  be  things  that will  drive you to the edge of a  cliff. We are all to often  fixated  on the exterior.  We polish  up the outside  real pretty, all the while  having  questionable motivations.  It really  starts on the inside and that is usually  so much  more important than  what we show  others. If we had a cup or some  other  dish, we would  think  that  it’s completely  ridiculous to just  wash the outside, while  leaving  some unrecognizable  caked on substance at the bottom on the inside. The solution  here is freeing and  it’s freedom.  There is such  freedom in not being  tied to  having  to  maintain  a false  bravado, so that others  will  think  that you are good. There is freedom  in not having  to  maintain a  certain  lifestyle  or you won’t  be  seen  as a success by family, colleagues or  close friends….who cares?☺️☺️. There is freedom  not having to perform and climb the  highest  mole hill  and scream look at what  I just did!☺️☺️. It’s not really  about  what you do as much as it is about why you did it. I’m fully  aware of  our reciprocity society, we give to get. I mean  that’s the American  way….right? ☺️  You scratch  my back and I will  scratch  yours.  Its an addiction  of tit for tat, and we are often  unaware of  being  on the hamster wheel ☺️☺️. Before  you judge  someone with  a drinking  problem  or any other  addiction, just  stop and look in the mirror, for just a second.  Are you feeling as if you just have to say the right  thing  at the right time…well  good luck  with  that, and anything  else  that  is just  a mere performance of being  seen  as  a ” good person “. Remember  until  you  are prepared to  bring  your flaws as well, then  it’s a deception . Perhaps  if you  can  except who you  really  are, then  maybe  someone else will be  able  to  drop  their  mask, and the two of you can  love and support one another  , warts and all, because  guess what? We all have flaws and  warts☺️☺️
• I will  leave you with this.  The what we do can look very similar or the same, so it goes to the why we did it, what’s  the motive?  Have  you  ever  had some one  give you a gift, and maybe  for  no special  reason, not a birthday, anniversary, or just because  you are such a  wonderful person.☺️☺️  They  just  spring it on you. Is your immediate thought  process that you have  to  do something  in kind? I  mean  after all, you can’t  just  have  them  one up on you in the gift giving  department . If  at any point  you decide to  offer  them  something  in return for it, it’s no longer a free gift.  It becomes  something  completely  different , such as an exchange, or some mutual  stand off. How dare them to give  me  a gift and have  me beholding to them☺️☺️. I  will  go one better  and say  that  once you  try to justify  your worthiness for the gift or offer  something in return, that you have  actually  offered  an insult in return, and it is no longer a free gift . If you are  uncomfortable with this, it may, just  might  explain why  so many  people  are uncomfortable with  God’s free  gift of  Salvation.  You can’t  earn it and you definitely  don’t  deserve it, and yet , He still  offers it. I  know that  it goes  against our upbringing of something  valuable, for free. If you are planning on  working  for it with  your good deeds, you won’t  even come close to  hitting the  pail. The proper  response  is one of  humility and  gratitude. God  sacrificed  His Son, so that we could have a relationship with  Him. I  already  drew the connection  between  love and  sacrifice, so God loves you, and not because  you are cool or some how worthy, He just  does. Seek Him and receive the gift, and if you  really  want to  do something  besides  being  blown away  by His generosity, think about  how your motivations  aren’t  always  what they  should  be and that while  most people  can’t  tell  about  your ” Why” for doing things, God sees your  heart.  Not having  to  work, earn and impress to be approved  of  is the “BEST  NEWS EVER” .
• Till Next Time ✌️ Peace!
• Sandy The Southerner

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